The Filing Cabinet
by Rathanel
Summary: A collection of omake, crossovers, random ideas, and anything else that insists that it be written. First chapter serves as the ToC.
1. Index

This chapter will serve as an index, listing the various chapters and giving a brief summary of what each chapter contains. Should any of these grow beyond one-shots, the order will be listed here as well.

**Swapping The Cage** (TEC/canon!Naruto crossover) - Kuushou is dumped into the canon!Naruto-verse on graduation day. He's not happy about that.

**Less Than Common** (TEC/ZnT crossover) - Kuushou is summoned by Louise to be her familiar. Of course, he also has plans of his own...

**Naruto: Ramen Days** (Video Game Naruto) - After dying at the end of the Sand-Sound Invasion, Naruto finds that his life is governed by a strange set of rules that he is still trying to figure out.

* * *

><p><strong>Swapping The Cage<strong> order - has now been moved to its own story.

Chapter 2

Chapter 4

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

* * *

><p><strong>Less Than Common<strong> order

Chapter 3

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

* * *

><p>The Empty Cage Omakes (<strong>The Bonus Cage<strong>)

Chapter 10 - Kuushou's medical training proves useful in a completely unexpected way.

Chapter 15 - Misunderstandings, Pt. 1 - Hinata overhears pieces of a certain conversation and draws an interesting conclusion.

* * *

><p><strong>Naruto: Ramen Days II<strong> order - has now been moved to its own story.

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

* * *

><p>Chapter 16 - <strong>The Hollow Cage<strong> (TEC/Bleach Crossover) - After hopping to another world, Kuushou winds up in Heuco Mundo.

Chapter 17 - **The Power of Youth Compels You! **(Naruto) - Gai Maito is appointed Hokage after the Sound Invasion, and Konoha will never be the same...

Chapter 18 - **The Power of Youth Compels You! - **Chapter 2 - Team Kakashi is sent out on their most important mission yet...

Chapter 19 - **The Power of Youth Compels You! **- Chapter 3 - Naruto learns some important life lessons from some nice people...

Chapter 20 - **The Ties That Bind** (Naruto AU) - One Shot - No Summary.


	2. Swapping The Cage

- Through mysterious and nefarious means, Kuushou finds himself ripped from his world and sent somewhere where life isn't quite what it used to be-

One moment he was "resting" in his room at the Yamanaka residence, his body sleeping while he planned and practiced. The next he experienced a sensation disturbingly similar to what the Death God had done to him during the sealing, only even more intense and abrupt.

The moment his senses cleared, he became aware of a most unpleasant feeling. His bed – normally quite warm and comfortable – was stiff, lumpy, and rather cool. A foul odor assaulted his senses, equal parts mold, mildew, rancid food, and decomposing garbage.

Thirty minutes later he had established several facts. First, he was not in the Yamanaka Residence. Second, his container had changed overnight, the body no longer the finely tuned machine he had crafted over years of concerted effort. It was still clearly the same body, but the muscles were pathetic compared to his former state, and he was nearly six inches shorter than he was used to being.

Third, the calendar – which conveniently had the days crossed out as they passed – indicated that today was "Graduation Day! This time for sure, believe it!" The hastily written scrawl nearly gouged through the paper but still managed to be legible, if barely.

Fourth, this was not a genjutsu of any sort, much as he might wish otherwise; or, if it was, then it was one crafted by Kami himself for reasons unknown.

Deciding that he would play along with... whatever this was until he had more information, he donned brightly colored _orange_ pants and a similarly _orange_ jacket over a black shirt, wondering the whole time who would even create such clothing, much less purchase _four _identical sets. The heavily patched clothing indicated that the owner, presumably his container, had been using these jumpsuits for some time.

A quick check in the mirror confirmed that his whisker marks that Ino had dubbed "cute" - solely to annoy him, he was sure - were on prominent display, though his eyes were their normal blue hue, the pupils fully human in appearance. One last check around the apartment turned up a single kunai pouch, as heavily repaired as his clothing, and he was out the door.

The apartment building was located in the civilian section of town, and a rather rundown part of it at that. He wasn't sure he'd ever actually set foot in this area before, but with the Hokage Tower as a landmark he established his bearings and quickly set off to the Academy, pushing his body to the limits to begin building up his strength and stamina once again. By civilian standards he was in excellent shape, but he had literally lost years of progress seemingly overnight by his own, rather more exacting, standards.

Even moving as quickly as he was, he didn't miss the fact that no one greeted him as he made his way to the Academy. Shop owners and civilians who had welcomed his presence before now refused to acknowledge him. Even calling out greetings and referring to them by name did not garner the desired reaction. Instead they stiffened in alarm and regarded him suspiciously. Interesting.

He arrived at the Academy with fifteen minutes to spare, noting that the apparent indifference continued. His fellow students who had previously sought out his advice and companionship whenever possible, or looked on jealously from afar, glanced at him dismissively. Shrugging, he made his way over to Shikamaru and Chouji.

"Hey Shika, Chouji," he said, waving.

Chouji hesitantly waved back, looking a little uncomfortable. Shikamaru didn't even bother to raise his head off the desk. "What do you want, Naruto?" he mumbled.

Kuushou blinked at the less than friendly response, but pushed forward anyway. "Want to play a quick game while we wait? It'll be a while before they get to our names."

Shikamaru did raise his head now, confusion clear on his face. "Why would I do that?" he asked. "No offense, but I don't think you'd be much of a challenge. Hell, do you even know how to play shogi? Troublesome..."

Well. Clearly things were very different here.

"Uh... never mind then," he said, pasting a look of disappointment on his face. He spotted Sasuke seated next to the window, an intense expression on his face as he stared at seemingly nothing. Shrugging, he plopped down in the seat next to him.

"Hey Sasuke, what's going on? You look kinda pissed."

Sasuke glanced at him briefly before returning his gaze to whatever mysterious and invisible object held his interest. "Hn," he grunted, and fell silent.

_Very _different. Sasuke wasn't the most talkative person he knew, not by a long shot, but he usually managed something more than monosyllabic responses and incoherent grunting.

Further questions were put on hold as the door to the classroom was thrown open and Sakura and Ino stumbled in, somehow managing to simultaneously keep each other from falling while trying to push the other away. It would have been impressive if it didn't look entirely unintentional.

They began arguing over who had entered the room first as he bounded to his feet and jogged over, smiling widely. "Hey Ino-nee-chan!"

He knew the situation was far worse than he had first thought the moment the words left his mouth, as the room fell silent and both Ino and Sakura turned to stare at him, identical looks of shock and disgust on their faces. Sakura's face quickly brightened as she pushed Ino forward. "He's looking for you, Ino-pig! You two can talk while I go sit with Sasuke-kun!"

Sakura began to step around him, eyes sweeping over him to focus on Sasuke, but Ino reached out and grabbed her hair, yanking her backwards. "Not so fast, Forehead! I don't know what you promised him to get him to do this, but I'm not falling for it!"

Kuushou stared at them, a blank expression on his face as they once again began squabbling over who could sit next to "Sasuke-kun!" and completely ignoring his presence.

He resolved in that very moment to find out who had done this. He would find them, and ask them why.

And then he would _obliterate _them.

* * *

><p><strong>Revised: 0206/2012 - Typos are fun!**


	3. Less Than Common

A sharp crack filled the air as the summoning circle erupted into smoke, the dense cloud billowing forth and engulfing the assembled students. Coughing and cursing echoed throughout the gathering.

"Yet another wonderful failure from Louise the Zero," one of the students called out, generating murmurs of agreement.

Louise couldn't breathe. She'd tried so hard, spent endless hours rehearsing and practicing this one spell, the most important spell of a mage's life... for nothing. She had failed, just like she failed every other time in her life.

She slowly dropped to her knees, her wand dropping from her limp fingers into the grass at her feet. She didn't even hear the muttered insults of the other students; they paled in comparison to the insults she was currently flinging at herself.

A strong wind suddenly whipped past her face, clearing the smoke away from the circle, and her eyes widened in astonishment. There was something in the circle! She hadn't failed after all! It was... a person?

Standing in the middle of the ritual circle was a young man, perhaps sixteen or seventeen years old. His spiky blond hair looked wild and untamed, and he wore a tight black shirt and black pants. Several pouches hung from various places on his body, though there was no indication of what they contained. He had a bandanna wrapped around one arm, the metal plate attached to the cloth bearing some strange symbol.

"_なぜ俺__が此処__に__いるか？"_he asked, his words unintelligible.

The students blinked slowly before more laughter spread throughout the group.

"She managed to summon something after all! A commoner! A foreign commoner at that!" one student mocked.

"Or maybe she bribed him to show up," another called out.

The commoner frowned, looking vaguely annoyed. _"__何を話してる？"_

Louise's nascent hopes were quickly crushed as she stared at the human being standing in the circle. She felt Colbert-sensei come up behind her and place his hand gently on her shoulder.

"You need to finish the summoning ritual, Louise," he said gently.

"But... this has to be some mistake," Louise pleaded. "I was supposed to summon a beautiful and elegant familiar, not a... a...," she trailed off, unable to finish the sentence.

"I'm sorry, but you have no choice. The ritual determines the familiar, and refusing to complete the ritual is to forfeit your right to have a familiar for all time."

Louise nodded mutely, pulling herself to her feet and picking up her wand. She shuffled forward despondently, steadfastly ignoring the mocking words of the other students.

The commoner focused on her as she approached, speaking again in that strange tongue. _"__誰だ、お前。何の様。"_

"My name is Louise Françoise Le Blanc de La Vallière. Pentagon of the Five Elemental Powers, bless this humble being and make him my familiar." The ritual phrase spoken, she reached up and placed her hands on his shoulders, pulling him down slightly as she rose to her tiptoes. His eyes narrowed as she did so, but he made no move to resist her efforts.

"Be grateful," she said, "you are unworthy of this honor."

Closing her eyes, she brought her lips to his and kissed him. After a few moments she pulled back, releasing him and settling back onto her feet. Opening her eyes, she took a closer look at his face... and froze. Six lines, three on either cheek, marked his face. They were clearly unnatural; too smooth to be scars but also not tattoos. More that the marks, however, were his eyes. They were a deep, blood red and had pitch black pupils that were large, vertical slits.

Her familiar - her human-like but most definitely _not _human familiar - continued to stare at her for a long moment before his eyes suddenly shifted to his left arm. Louise blanched when she heard a sizzling sound and could actually _smell _the burning flesh. She stepped back swiftly and turned her gaze to his arm, where the familiar runes were literally burning themselves into his flesh. Normally the runes were purely magical and superficial in nature, but not so here. She felt the small hope that had been growing in her chest wither; the familiar brand was supposed to be symbolic, not a _literal _brand.

The other students watching the ritual fell silent as they observed its completion, some wincing in sympathy for the commoner who would be forced to endure life as Zero's familiar. Others resumed their mockery quickly enough.

The more alert and observant among the crowd, Colbert included, noted that despite what should be an agonizing sensation, the commoner made no protest and did not appear to be in any pain. They felt a sense of unease settle over them as they wondered what some sort of man could endure that pain without crying out, or even appearing to feel it at all.

"What are you trying to do to me?" the commoner asked curiously, his words intelligible for the first time.

Louise's eyes widened slightly before she steeled herself. "I have marked you as my familiar," she said. "I don't know what you are," she added, "but you are _my _familiar." She told herself that she had said that firmly, rather than pleadingly.

"Only the Zero could sound proud while claiming a commoner as her familiar," a snide voice called out from the crowd.

"Commoner?" Louise's familiar asked curiously, his eyes focused once more on the short witch before him.

"Your appearance is human - mostly - and the clothing alone makes it clear you are not a noble." The other students in the clearing were falling silent, wondering what Louise was talking about. Colbert began making his way forward, a small frown on his face.

The familiar nodded thoughtfully. "And those people in the crowd?"

"Nobles and fellow students," she said quietly.

The familiar nodded again, his red eyes once more sweeping across the assembled students. "And why do they address you as Zero?"

"Because that's what she is!" A voice cried out, and Louise flinched once again. The laughter was short-lived, most of the students sensing that something unusual was happening.

"That doesn't matter," Louise replied, a smile growing on her face. "They can't call me that anymore."

"I see," her familiar said softly.

Colbert stopped next to Louise, preparing to interrupt their conversation when he caught sight of the supposed commoner's eyes. His mouth dropped open and his staff slipped from his suddenly limp fingers.

"By the Founder," he said softly, his face white.

Her familiar glanced at the stunned teacher before returning his gaze to her. "And what is the purpose of a familiar?" he asked.

Louise started to rattle off the standard definition taught in class that she knew by heart, but something stopped her. There was something in her familiar's tone, something that warned her that her answer mattered a great deal.

She swallowed and drew herself to her full height, absently noting that the top of her head barely cleared her familiar's chest. "A familiar is the most important companion a mage shall ever have," she said, "more than an ally, more than a friend, more than family, a familiar is, is... a familiar is part of the mage, and the mage is part of the familiar." Her reply only loosely resembled the actual definition, more of an amalgamation she had constructed on the spot from her mother's words, vaguely remembered quotes from legendary figures, and more than a little of her own heartfelt desires.

Her familiar stared at her for a long moment before nodding, a small smile spreading across his face. "Interesting," he said. "Very interesting indeed."

"What _are _you?" Colbert-sensei breathed quietly, his tone still stunned.

"He's a commoner... isn't he?" one of the students called out, his voice trailing off uncertainly when no one else joined in the common pastime of mocking the Zero.

Her familiar's eyes narrowed and he turned to face the student. Louise's eyes widened and a smile grew on her face as red tendrils of energy began curling off of her familiar's form. She could _feel _the power lurking beneath his human form, and she reveled in it.

"I assure you," her familiar said, grinning viciously as his voice warped into something menacing and inhuman, "**I am anything but common**."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: After reading The Hill Of Swords (an absolutely amazing Fate/Stay Night / ZnT crossover that you should read _right now_), I've been pondering various crossover ideas for ZnT. The setup for the series is basically tailor-made for crossovers, since Louise explicitly summons a being from a completely different world/universe _in canon_. Substitute a different familiar and there you are.**

**Kuushou would definitely be considered overpowered for the setting, so if I moved forward with this I'd have to do one of two things: a) find a way to artificially limit his power or b) focus on Louise's growth while sidelining the battles and other conflicts which characterize the canon series. Most ZnT crossovers I've seen (even the good and/or fun ones) tend to marginalize Louise early on, having her become a plot vehicle to get her familiar from point A to point B. I'd definitely want to avoid that. Ideally I'd do both, since that would deliver both dramatic tension and character development.  
><strong>

**Louise herself is a little OOC here, since I've focused on her isolation and lack of support within the school. I find her canon personality incredibly grating, so here the constant mockery and derision (which _is _canon) has taken its toll internally even if she puts on a brave front. She's close to the breaking point, and if she'd failed the summoning ritual she might very well have never recovered. As such, her success in summoning something completely new and powerful is going to lead her in new and interesting directions.**

**That's the idea, anyway.  
><strong>


	4. Swapping The Cage, Chapter 2

Kuushou sighed in irritation as he flipped over the test paper. Whoever had sent him into this... dream, universe, illusion, whatever it was, didn't have a very high opinion of his intelligence. Other than the simple genjutsu changing the order of the questions the test was horribly simple, something second year students would be expected to score perfectly on; and he had his doubts about that genjutsu being an actual part of the test, since no one else had a genjutsu on their paper.

Of course, looking around, he wasn't sure the questions hidden under the genjutsu were standard either. His had fewer questions and they appeared to be simpler as well.

Once the hour allotted for the test was over, Iruka came by each desk and picked up the tests one by one. He had a proud smile on his face when he picked up Kuushou's test, and nodded encouragingly to him before continuing his rounds. Kuushou wasn't quite sure what to make of that.

Kuushou followed the rest of the class outside for the physical portions of the exam, which consisted of a simple speed trial, throwing accuracy, and a strength measurement.

"Uzumaki, Naruto!" Iruka called out from near the targets for the accuracy portion of the test. It took Kuushou several seconds to remember that "Uzumaki" was the name he originally went by, and apparently still went by here.

"Now, remember Naruto, you only need to land seven out of ten to pass, and bulls-eyes give extra points," Iruka said encouragingly. Kuushou nodded distractedly as he picked up the kunai from the table nearby and whipped them towards the targets. He scowled as he felt his muscles protesting the movement slightly, throwing off his aim on a few of the shots. Only six out of ten bulls-eyes, and most of those were on the edge. Pathetic.

He nodded to Iruka and moved away from the table, filing away the look of shock on his teacher's face and the weird looks the other kids were giving him.

The next two tests went similarly; he struggled to lift more than one hundred pounds without boosting his muscles with chakra, and had lost a full four seconds off his speed on the hundred yard dash.

It also became clear during the second test that the looks of shock were because he was doing so _well_, not because he was performing, as he felt in his own mind, so poorly. Most of the other students were unable to lift more than fifty pounds, and many were much slower than him as well. It was like the entire Academy had taken a huge step backwards in terms of skill and conditioning.

"Alright students, head back inside for the jutsu portion of the exam!" Iruka called. The teacher's gaze kept shifting his way, his expression an odd mix of pride and confusion.

Kuushou waited impatiently for his name to be called. He took his cue from the other students in the room and clapped politely as people returned bearing forehead protectors that marked them as successful graduates, only to stop when this garnered even more strange looks. This was getting very tiresome.

"Uzumaki, Naruto!" Iruka called again. Kuushou headed out the door and followed Iruka down the hall, ignoring the glances Iruka kept sending his way. Iruka lead him into another classroom down the hall, where Mizuki was already waiting inside, seated behind a table with a stack of papers and a handful of forehead protectors. A log, roughly three feet in diameter and four feet long, stood on its end in the middle of the room.

Iruka settled down into the other empty seat behind the table and cleared his throat. "Alright Naruto, you just need to perform the Basic Three; henge, kawarimi, and bunshin." His voice sounded odd as he said the last, and his face grew pensive.

Kuushou just nodded. Quickly forming the proper seals, he called out, "Henge!" A small puff of smoke later and he had changed into the image of the Third Hokage, down to the pipe. He waited for a moment before performing the kawarimi while still disguised, his voice also sounding like that of the Third Hokage as he spoke the name of the jutsu.

"Very good, Naruto!" Iruka said, smiling widely. "Now you just need to...," his voice trailed off as three more images of the Third Hokage appeared, all of them with similar smirks on their faces as they took a long puff on their still smoking pipes.

"That's... that's great, Naruto! You passed!" he exclaimed, reaching for a headband on the table. Kuushou noted that Mizuki seemed much less excited about the result than Iruka.

"I knew you could do it!" Iruka said, handing the forehead protector to Kuushou with a proud expression.

"Thank you, Umino-sensei," Kuushou said, bowing and accepting the headband. He turned and left the room, not noticing the frozen expression on Iruka's face, too occupied with trying to figure out what had happened to him and what role he was supposed to be playing.

He returned to the classroom, noting once again that the other students seemed shocked at his success. A quick scan revealed that only Hinata Hyuuga actually appeared happy about the situation. For some reason she was tucked in the back of the classroom apparently trying to hide within a large coat.

No one had time to approach him, however, as Mizuki entered the room, looking tense. "Yamanaka, Ino, is the last test of the day. If she will come with me, the rest of you are dismissed. Please return tomorrow for further information." His eyes seemed to land everywhere except Kuushou as he attempted to casually peer about the room. The other students let out quick cheers as they hurried to leave the Academy and Ino stomped down the stairs to meet Mizuki, muttering about how this wasn't fair.

Kuushou left at a more sedate pace, strolling casually off the Academy grounds. He paused for a moment, pondering where to go, before he decided to head to the training grounds to see if his "private" section was still clear.

He'd barely reached the edge of the first training ground before he found himself surrounded by two squads of ANBU, all holding themselves in battle-ready poses. There was a noticeable tension in the air as one of them stepped forward slightly and spoke.

"Naruto Uzumaki, please come with us immediately," the raven-masked ninja said.

Kuushou shrugged and nodded, and found himself whisked away. The group passed through several nondescript buildings and dimly lit tunnels before Kuushou was placed inside a room filled with only a single chair placed against the wall. The walls were smooth blocks of stone, and the door was bolted securely to the wall and made of solid steel.

"Interesting," Kuushou said, stepping into the room without concern. Maybe they were finally getting to the point of this little charade.

He waited in the room for roughly five minutes; five minutes he spent focusing on his other senses and mapping the movements of the ninja around him. He'd never bothered to memorize most of the signatures he felt, but he recognized Kakashi Hatake, Anko Mitarashi, Ibiki Morino, and, of course, Hiruzen Sarutobi. There were quite a few others that he vaguely recognized as members of ANBU.

He felt Anko and Ibiki pausing outside his door for a moment before the steel door was thrown open violently to slam against the wall and the two interrogators waltzed in. Ibiki's scarred face was set in a sadistic leer and Anko was playing up her sexy and insane look, toying suggestively with a kunai in her hand as she eyed him. Both hid it well, but they were more tense than he had ever seen them.

"Who are you?" Ibiki barked suddenly as he came to a stop in the middle of the room. The steel door was left wide open, no doubt to tempt him into trying to escape. He could feel the multiple lines of ninja lining every route away from the room just waiting for him to do such a thing.

Kuushou smirked slightly, remaining seated in his chair. He'd given up pretending to be "Naruto Uzumaki" the moment the ANBU had surrounded him; however they expected him to act was clearly very, very different from how "Naruto Yamanaka" acted. Better to stick with the role he knew.

"Who do you think I am?" Kuushou asked, smirking.

"We'll be asking the questions here, impostor!" Ibiki snarled. He twitched slightly before settling back into his stance. It seemed he wanted to move closer but was hesitant to do so for some reason. Anko had no such hesitation, strolling forward with an exaggerated sway of her hips and running one finger along his arm and across his chest.

"You can answer our questions," she purred in a sultry voice, "or we can make you." As she finished her sentence, she whipped the hand fondling the kunai forward. The blade left a long shallow gash on his cheek and nicked his ear before winding up buried several inches deep in the stone wall behind him.

Kuushou didn't so much as twitch. He waited a long beat before turning his head to face Anko and looking her straight in the eyes. She met his gaze, her own eyes glinting with madness. It was mostly an act, he knew, but one she had honed to perfection. Kuushou slowly, deliberately, lifted his hand to his cheek and wiped his finger along the cut. He watched as her eyes widened when the cut completely disappeared as his finger passed, and watched as they widened even further when the nick on his ear healed seemingly of its own accord.

He smirked as Anko slowly backed away, the madness fading from her eyes as the tension in the room picked up another notch. Both Ibiki and Anko tensed even further, their bodies nearly quivering in place, when three loud, echoing bangs sounded from down the hallway. Their eyes met briefly before they backed out of the room, swinging the door shut behind them.

Kuushou sighed; this was getting tedious, and apparently going nowhere quickly.

He stood and began slowly walking around the edge of the room, his head cocked to the side as he studied the stone walls. His attention was more focused on the chakra signals down the hallway, where Anko and Ibiki were talking with the Hokage and several ninja that he thought were ANBU. Their chakra was highly agitated, and more ninja seemed to be running in every direction throughout the complex.

He contemplated breaking through the seal and ending this charade, but curiosity stayed his hand. Very few beings were capable of crafting an illusion this complete or moving him across the realms without his consent, and none of them would do so on a whim. Well, his brother might, but this illusion lacked all the earmarks of his brother's pranks. Kami was capable of it, certainly, but Kami was so wrapped up in his self-inflicted rules and higher purpose that it seemed unlikely he would act in this manner.

He put his contemplation on hold when he felt the Hokage approaching and moved back to his chair, assuming the same unconcerned, slightly impatient air he had maintained with Anko and Ibiki. This time the door swung open and the Hokage stepped into the room, alone.

Kuushou smiled and waved. "Hey, Hokage-jii-san," he said.

The Hokage flinched slightly. "Who are you?" he asked, his voice calm but firm.

Kuushou thought for a moment before deciding on his approach. "Naruto Yamanaka," he replied. "The real question is, who are you?"

The Hokage blinked. "What?"

"I have been trapped in some sort of genjutsu, or perhaps abducted and taken into a sloppy recreation of Konoha. You people got the outlines right, but the details are all wrong. First of all, everyone acts like I'm a retarded three year old who might explode at any moment. Second, a lot of the businesses are in the wrong places. Third, you didn't even get my place of residence right."

The Hokage blinked several times before shaking his head. "An interesting story, but it is you who seems to have gotten the details wrong. You act nothing like Naruto-kun... Kyuubi."

Kuushou just cocked his head to the side. "Kyuubi? You mean the tailed beast? What does it have to do with this?"

The Hokage's fists slowly clenched. "Enough of your games, Kyuubi. How did you get out of your seal, and what happened to Naruto?"

"You aren't very good at this, you know. You've picked one of the few people who knows beyond a doubt that I am _not _the tailed beast sealed within me to make these accusations. Hokage-jii-san would never be that stupid." Kuushou paused for a moment, judging the Hokage's reaction, before he pushed the conversation in the direction he wanted. "What next? Are you going to have Shizune-nee-chan accuse me of being the tailed beast? Ino-nee-chan? 'Course, you already got her completely wrong too, along with the rest of the Clan Kids."

The Hokage was looking at him oddly now, no doubt thrown off by his words. Kuushou just smiled to himself and continued.

"Whatever plan you've got, you didn't think it through very well. The _real _Hokage is going to be looking for me, and you'll find out _exactly _why they call him the God of Shinobi, just like Fugaku and the rest of the Uchiha traitors did."

That certainly got a reaction; just not the one he had been anticipating. He had expected protestations that the old man before him was the real Hokage or further accusations that he was the "Kyuubi", not Naruto, which would then lead into discussions of how he could prove his claims. What he didn't expect was for the blood to drain from the Hokage's face. For a moment it looked like the old man might fall over on the spot.

"What do you know about that?" the Hokage asked, his voice strained.

Kuushou blinked, partly in genuine confusion. "Everyone knows that you and the other clan heads took out Fugaku and a bunch of Uchiha when they tried to kill one of the Kurama genin. Heck, that was years ago and people still talk about how you defeated Fugaku and his two best jounin on your own without getting a scratch."

Some of the color returned to the Hokage's face, but he still looked oddly pensive. He stared for a long moment before leaving the room, closing the door behind him.

He waited for twenty more minutes, tracking the motion of the ninja outside his room, before he found another familiar signature approaching his door: Inoichi Yamanaka.

The Yamanaka clan head entered the room slowly, keeping a careful eye on him even as a squad of ANBU filtered into the room behind him.

Inoichi cleared his throat and began speaking. "Hokage-sama has decided that there is some doubt as to the exact nature of your identity. As such, I have been ordered to perform a Mind Walk to confirm that you are in fact who you say you are."

Kuushou was surprised, though he didn't let it show. He had thought it was commonly known that the Yamanaka techniques did not work against him (unless he allowed them to), but apparently either no one knew that here or the rules were different. Of course, his experience with Ino had prepared him to mimic the effect of a Mind Walk on a normal human being well enough that Ino could find no flaws. They had initially done so as a mixture of practice for Ino and in preparation of someone catching them during one of their mental meetings. It seemed that would be coming in handy now.

"Ok," Kuushou said simply, waiting for Inoichi's inevitable question.

"... that's all? You're going to just let me enter your mind, just like that?"

Different world or not, illusion or not, he was still able to predict Inoichi well. "Of course. I trust you, Tou-san. Well, I would if you were actually my Tou-san. Since you aren't, whatever you try to do is naturally not going to work."

Inoichi jerked slightly, and the other ninja in the room shuffled uneasily. Shaking off his surprise, Inoichi flashed through the seals required for the jutsu.

It was a curious thing, watching Inoichi explore his false mindscape. He remembered the many sessions he had shared with Inoichi where they discussed his earliest memories and the effect they had on him, so he made sure that the many carefully selected memories planted in the false mindscape started from roughly six months old and spanned all the way up to his time in the ANBU cell. He made sure to leave out some of the more... incriminating memories, of course.

Inoichi started with today's memories, probably using events he could confirm as a baseline for exploring the rest of them. Ino claimed it wasn't strictly necessary, but comparing your own perspective and knowledge against that of the target supposedly deepened and clarified the experience... or something. Ino swore up and down that the difference was startling, but she could never demonstrate it during their sessions. Possibly it was unique to Yamanakas.

From that first memory, Inoichi oriented himself and headed straight for the oldest memories. He looked vaguely surprised, then increasingly disturbed as he followed them up through the years, the whole process taking mere minutes. Ino could manage a day's worth of memories in a minute of "real" time, but Inoichi's experience and skill was obvious as he sifted through entire years of events with ease.

The moment he stumbled on the adoption was obvious, because he emerged from that particular set of memories looking stunned. Kuushou thought he could spot the Kumo incident and Itachi's "assassination attempt" as well, though he wasn't certain. After a few more minutes Inoichi vanished from the false mindscape, and Kuushou allowed his focus to return to outside his body.

He watched as Inoichi blinked rapidly before nodding gruffly. He made several hand signals, saying "safe", "probable", "at ease". The ANBU in the room relaxed slightly. Inoichi turned and left the room hurriedly, throwing a few curious glances behind him as he did so.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Here's the next part of the canon crossover. **

**There are many rather interesting directions this could go, but it all starts with the inevitable stay at T&I. Cliche or not, there's no way Kuushou could ever pass for canon!Naruto, and no way the Hokage, even canon!Sarutobi, is going to just ignore the really, really strange behavior of the village's resident jinchuuriki.**

**I'm also using this as a technical experiment, because I'm going to limit the perspective strictly to Kuushou instead of the many perspectives I've incorporated into TEC. I'm probably going to go with a dual perspective between Kuushou and Louise in the ZnT cross, focusing on how each interprets certain situations and their interactions with each other.  
><strong>

**I am currently working on The Empty Cage, where I've got most of the rest of the current arc outlined and the first chapter or so written. I'll be editing my profile to provide updates on progress as we go. I'm currently aiming for December 17th as the posting date for the next chapter.**

**I'll probably have another chapter for the ZnT crossover in between now and then, as well as a TEC-verse omake or two.  
><strong>


	5. Less Than Common, Chapter 2

The students and other watchers fell into a stunned silence at Kuushou's words. He watched as the pink-haired girl turned to stare at the people around her, her stance proud and a wide, triumphant grin on her face.

The bald male, a teacher of some sort, was the first to recover. He slowly stooped to retrieve his staff, keeping his gaze firmly fixed on Kuushou.

"I would like to ask you to come with me, please," he said finally, motioning towards the large tower that stood in the apparent center of the conclave.

Louise looked vaguely surprised but took a step towards Colbert. Kuushou didn't move at all. He took another look around the courtyard, noting that all of the other students had what he assumed to be their familiars with them and that none of them were being asked to go anywhere.

"Why?" he asked, turning back to the bald human.

The man hesitated a moment before he replied, "We don't know what you are, and the Headmaster might be able to answer our questions. It seems simpler if we all go see the Headmaster together."

Kuushou turned his eyes to the pink-haired girl and raised a single eyebrow. Apparently the bald man didn't consider simply _asking _a valid approach; or, more likely, identifying what manner of creature he was was only a small part of his purpose. The pink-haired girl stared back curiously before realizing what he wanted. She pulled herself to her full height, the top of her head still not reaching Kuushou's chin, before she nodded firmly.

"We will accompany you, Professor Colbert," she said imperiously. Kuushou smirked slightly and followed along.

They walked in silence into the tower. Seeing that neither of the people with him were in the mood to talk at the moment – the male looked pensive while the girl was muttering to herself and grinning widely – Kuushou took this time to consider his current state.

After dealing with the various annoyances in the human realm and securing their power, Kounori had proposed a... game, of sorts. As a means to explore their new abilities and attempt to stave off boredom, each of the Bijuu would travel beyond the known realms. They had of course taken precautions to ensure they could return as they wished as well as maintaining contact with one another.

Kuushou reflexively checked the bundle of energy nestled deep inside the modified seal on his body. The design was the ingenious result of combining the theory behind Itachi's bracelet, Ino's Yamanaka jutsu, and Kounori's own experiments. Each Bijuu now contained a small piece of the others that would remain connected to the original Bijuu and was protected from being absorbed by its host. Such a tiny fraction would not hinder their powers in any way while still allowing for communication, wherever the original may be located.

A small nudge on the bundle returned nothing new; it seemed the others were still occupied with their own pursuits; in fact, it felt like only Shijyou had reached her destination at this point. Not all of the Bijuu had joined in on this first round, of course. Some were more attached to the human realm or the demon realm than others and had chosen to spend some time there instead.

Mentally shrugging, he shifted his focus onto the pink-haired girl who had apparently "summoned" him to this world. He stifled a small snort of laughter at the thought. He had already been moving between the realms when he encountered the small tendril of seeking power cutting through the planes of existence. He could have simply let it continue on to its original destination, but he had succumbed to his own curiosity and seized the tendril, riding it back to its source.

Kounori's "game" directed the Bijuu to reach a certain level of influence in whatever world they landed in; the specifics were of course left up to the individual. Bonus points were awarded if you gained effectively total control over the world, and even more points if you did so without revealing your true nature.

Kounori herself had elected to abstain from participating in the first round, claiming that she would serve as the referee and keep track of the score instead. Kuushou shook his head, a small smirk on his face; some of the others might have fallen for that, but he knew better. Kounori was playing an entirely different game, one that called for either secure places to fall back or footholds in other realms. He hadn't missed how much time Kounori and Shijyou had spent together lately; undoubtedly Kounori had asked Shijyou to direct their travel along whatever lines Kounori thought best.

Kuushou's smile grew wider. No doubt Kounori was going to be _pissed _when she found out he had traveled somewhere else. Then again, maybe she had expected him to do this; it was hard to tell with her. Either way...

"What are you smiling about?" the pink-haired girl asked curiously.

"This is going to be _fun_."

* * *

><p>A couple of minutes later, they entered the tower and began walking up the long, spiraling staircase that led to the upper levels. Upon reaching the top level, they entered a room with several chairs and a desk. Behind the desk sat a female human with green hair.<p>

"Can I help you, Colbert-sensei?" the woman asked.

"Miss Longueville, I need to speak with the Headmaster immediately," Colbert replied firmly.

"Just one moment," Longueville replied, standing up and slipping into the office behind her. She exited a moment later, saying, "You can go in."

Colbert motioned for Louise and Kuushou to remain behind and entered the Headmaster's office, closing the door firmly behind him. Longueville eyed them curiously as she returned to her desk.

Louise turned to Kuushou and stared at him for a few seconds before finally asking, "So... what are you?"

"Complicated," Kuushou replied, watching the secretary out of the corner of his eye. She was doing a surprisingly good job of hiding her interest in the conversation. Having spent so much time as a ninja, he picked up on the signs of a moderately skilled eavesdropper immediately. She probably assisted the Headmaster by providing him with information that his guests let slip accidentally... although the question of why such a thing would be necessary in a school remained. The pink-haired girl did say something about nobles, though; perhaps political intrigue was common here.

Louise huffed in annoyance. "I meant what sort of creature are you?"

"Well... technically speaking, I could be considered human," Kuushou said slowly.

The girl looked stricken for a moment, her body tensing and a horrified look crossing her face before it went carefully blank. "Technically?" she asked. Only the smallest bit of uncertainty leaked through in her voice.

"Well, the body is human. More or less. It _started_ as human, anyway. _I _am something altogether different."

The girl stared at him for a moment, then blinked and blushed slightly when he leaned forward and began to whisper in her ear, his hands resting on her shoulders. If he was going to play by this world's rules for the time being, he'd best start working on his "summoner" early.

"I know you have many questions," he whispered in her ear, too lowly for the eavesdropping secretary to catch, "but this is not the time or the place to ask them. Do you understand why?"

The girl stiffened slightly, then slowly shook her head.

He stifled a sigh. "I am very, very powerful. Even though I am your familiar, there are people who are going to want to take me from you and use my power for themselves. We should only talk about what powers we possess and what we plan to do where no one can overhear us, even people like that secretary. It is safer that way."

The girl stiffened even further and her entire body began shaking. "You are _mine_," she hissed with surprising ferocity. Her hands reached up and grabbed hold of his shirt, clinging possessively.

"Indeed I am," Kuushou replied, hiding his smirk. The secretary was openly staring at them now, having caught sight of his unnatural eyes. Her gaze was locked onto his and she seemed to have paled a little. The pink-haired girl saw none of this, as her sight was blocked by his chest and she was busy growling lowly in her throat.

Further conversation was interrupted as the bald man, Colbert, emerged from the office. He paused, looking surprised when he saw the position the two were in; from his perspective it probably appeared as if they were embracing.

"Please come inside," Colbert said, clearing his throat.

Kuushou straightened up, looking into the girl's eyes. His eyes flicked towards Colbert and the office before he looked back at her and nodded solemnly. Her expression was fierce as she nodded back.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: As you probably gathered from Kuushou's musings, this crossover is set in a hypothetical future for The Empty Cage. This is in no way meant to function as a "canonical" sequel, but instead a sort of amusing what-if scenario using the characters from that story. Said musings are there to provide a bit of context for the events leading up to this story. Basically a reason for Kuushou to go along with this on any level, rather than just destroying everything.  
><strong>

**I don't know if I'll start the massively epic series of crossovers implied herein, but the possibility is there. It's good for some amusing images, if nothing else.**


	6. Less Than Common, Chapter 3

Louise stepped into the Headmaster's office with her head held high, for once feeling proud to be meeting with the Headmaster. Her other, all too common, meetings often revolved around her schoolwork and propensity for explosive mistakes in and out of the classroom. Old Osmont was kind about it, as he was about most things, but he had already begun subtly suggesting that Louise might be better served focusing on other aspects of her life as a noble.

Financial management, perhaps.

Her already wide grin grew even further as she pondered her familiar. Already he was deferring to her and looking at her with respect. She had clearly impressed him, both by summoning him in the first place and with her behavior since then.

And she had summoned something even Colbert-sensei had never seen before! Maybe even something Old Osmont had never seen before! Perhaps something that had never been summoned before at all! For once, she could be unique and different in a positive way, she thought, giggling to herself.

Her thoughts were interrupted as Old Osmont cleared his throat and began speaking in his thin, reedy voice. "I say, thank you for coming to see me, Ms. Vallière. It is not often one gets to witness something truly new and exciting at my age. And of course congratulations are in order! I knew you would succeed in completing the ritual, never had any doubt."

A small voice in Louise's head pointed out that she had met with the Headmaster just last week where he had hinted that failing the ritual was not the same thing as never being able to gain a familiar, and that one merely needed to persevere. She pushed the reminder down, flushed with success and eager to receive her long overdue praise and validation.

"Thank you, Headmaster Osmont," she replied, crossing her arms haughtily, "and thank you for advice in preparing for the ritual; it was most helpful and I'm sure a key part of my success."

"I was more than happy to help, Ms. Vallière. Now then, let's take a look at your familiar," he said, rising from his seat and moving around his large wooden desk. He approached her familiar with an inquisitive look on his face and came to a stop in front of him, standing just out of arm's reach. "Hmm... the eyes of course, very distinctive and clearly inhuman. Feline, perhaps, though I've never seen such a color before. The marks on the cheeks are also rather unique. The clothing though... definitely human in origin, though of an unfamiliar style."

"Shall I talk about you as if you were a painting in return?" her familiar asked, a slightly annoyed expression on his face.

"Don't talk to the Headmaster like that!" Louise hissed, embarrassed. Her familiar glanced at her before shifting his gaze back to the old man in front of him.

Old Osmont appeared slightly startled, then nodded, laughing softly. "Oh, of course, my apologies. I'm afraid my curiosity got the better of me; I meant no offense. It's very unusual to meet a familiar capable of human speech, after all."

There was an odd edge to the Headmaster's words that Louise couldn't identify, but she shrugged it off. It wasn't like she knew the Headmaster _that _well, after all.

Old Osmont hummed thoughtfully. "Might I see your familiar runes?" he asked, addressing her familiar directly this time.

Her familiar glanced at her again, and she rapidly motioned him to show the Headmaster what he wanted to see. Shrugging, her familiar raised his left arm for inspection, studying the runes curiously himself. Old Osmont leaned in closer, adjusting his glasses every now and then as he studied the runes intently.

"Very curious," he said at length. "I understand that the runes actually _burned _themselves into your skin?"

Her familiar shrugged, completely unconcerned. "It may have appeared like that, but I felt no pain, and as you can see my skin is undamaged."

Louise blinked in shock before stepping closer. Sure enough, the skin around the familiar brand looked completely normal and unblemished. She would have _sworn_ that the flesh was blackened and burned before, but she had been rather distracted at the time. Perhaps her worried mind had thought the wound worse than it really was.

"Interesting," Old Osmont mused, glancing at Colbert-sensei. The Professor shrugged his shoulders slightly, looking pensive. "Interesting," Old Osmont said again. "Now, for the meaning of these runes... well, there's something rather unusual here. There seem to be two rune sets placed on top of one another."

"That's unusual?" her familiar asked.

"Rather that unusual, I should say completely unheard of. The familiar runes often reveal important aspects of the familiar's powers or personality. For the more intelligent familiars, it might reveal a name or title. I have only ever seen or read about a single rune set per familiar, however. To have two... I honestly have no idea what that could mean. It will be very interesting to research, however.

"As for their meaning, I can make out part of one of the rune sets... something that begins with 'Beck'-"

Her familiar pulled his arm back suddenly, ripping it out of the Headmaster's hands. He reached into a pouch, produced a roll of bandages and immediately began covering the runes.

"If it's a name you want, I could tell you that myself. I am known as Kuushou, the Burning Sky."

"That's a rather... grandiose name, isn't it?" the Headmaster said slowly. His eyes were sharp as he watched her familiar wrap his arm. Colbert-sensei was busy gaping like a fish, and said nothing.

"Is it? What other sorts of runic names have you come across?" her familiar said distractedly, his attention focused on layering the bandages over the runes on his forearm.

"Well, even among humans the runic names are pretty straightforward; for example, one of the most prominent battlemages in Tristain's history is known as the 'Heavy Wind'."

Louise flinched at the reminder of her mother. Her mother had made her displeasure at Louise's struggles very clear, and had threatened to pull her out of the Academy entirely unless she improved significantly. The Duchess Vallière considered Louise's failure to reflect poorly on the family as a whole, and did not care that neither Louise nor anyone else could explain just why she had such difficulties.

As far as her mother was concerned, she simply wasn't trying hard enough.

She shook off her thoughts as the Headmaster continued speaking.

"So, to claim that your runic name is the 'Burning Sky' is, well, rather presumptuous, really. That isn't the sort of thing other nobles are going to just let go, especially since you are a familiar."

"I see," her familiar said, looking more bored than anything as he finished wrapping up his arm. His entire left forearm was now heavily wrapped in bandages, completely obscuring the skin and the runic symbols that lay underneath. "And that is somehow my concern?"

"Well, perhaps not yours directly," the Headmaster said, looking slightly insulted, "but Ms. Vallière will be the one required to deal with any issues that arise, which may, ah, be somewhat problematic."

She shrank into herself a little more. Old Osmont was being kind about it, but he was clearly referencing the fact that she had yet to cast any spells other than the summoning ritual successfully. The reminder of her previous failures, along with the thoughts of her mother's vicious disapproval, saw her previous euphoria evaporating quickly.

"Names such as mine are quite common where I come from; I can think of quite a few with names every bit as 'grandiose' as my own. Besides, I am certain that anyone with the ability and power to summon myself is more than capable of dealing with the insignificant egos of pathetic nobles," her familiar said, to her rapidly growing horror. There was no hidden insult this time; he was clearly mocking pretty much every noble in the entire world! Including, she thought with another large wince, her own mother. She did feel a little thrill at his faith in her power, though the voice in her head reminded her, almost mockingly, that his faith was entirely unfounded.

"Familiar!" she hissed quietly. "Don't say things like that!"

He turned to look at her again, his eyes half-closed and his expression contemplative. "Very well," he said finally, "I will refrain from speaking such comments aloud..." The "_for now" _was heavily implied, even if he didn't say it outright.

The Headmaster cleared his throat. "Now that we have that issue out of the way," he said firmly, "I would like to know what sort of being you are. Your supposed runic name clearly implies a relation to fire of some sort – which makes a sort of sense, given Ms. Vallière's own... disposition for explosions in her magic," the Headmaster said.

Louise reminded herself that not _all _of her spells ended up exploding – she had completed the summoning ritual successfully, after all. That was one.

"Explosions, you say?" her familiar mused, looking impressed. "Sounds rather useful."

Louise's mouth dropped open, along with Colbert-sensei's and the Headmaster's. "Useful?" she choked out. Her struggles with magic had been called many things, but _that _was not one of them.

"Oh yes, I can think of many occasions where the ability to make something explode on command would have benefited me greatly. It's not subtle, certainly, but very effective in combat."

Louise jaw snapped closed. A... combat mage? She'd never actually thought of that before. Now that he'd said that, though, there _were_ quite a few spells that caused an explosion of one sort or another, and her own could certainly hurt an enemy if aimed correctly.

"Surely the thought had crossed your mind?" her familiar said, his voice openly disbelieving.

That... was actually a very good question, Louise mused. Why _hadn't _she, or anyone else in the Academy, made that connection?

"The Academy does not teach combat magic, as such," Colbert-sensei replied sternly. "Students have no place on the battlefield."

Well, that was one reason, Louise supposed. She wasn't sure she believed that, really, since respected mages fell into three categories: royalty, soldiers, and the very rare researcher who made an important discovery. Even Old Osmont, despite his many years as Headmaster of Tristain's premier Academy of Magic, was more often lauded for his work in Her Majesty's army.

"A great comfort if they were to be attacked, I'm sure," her familiar replied.

"Now just a-" Colbert-sensei started to say, but the Headmaster interrupted the brewing argument.

"We are getting off track," he said firmly. "I believe the question was what sort of creature you are, Kuushou."

Her familiar's eyes – Kuushou, she reminded herself; her familiar had a proper name, after all – flicked to hers for a moment before he replied. "And you need to know that information because...?"

"We need to be certain you are not a threat to the other students. Every other familiar summoned today, or any previous Ritual Day, is from a recognized magical species that has proven to be comfortable around human beings. Without knowing what you are, we have no such assurances."

Again Kuushou's eyes flicked to hers.

"And the fact that I am capable of speech and human in form does not provide such an assurance?"

The Headmaster's face tightened, and Colbert-sensei looked oddly tense. "No, it does not."

It took a moment for Louise to understand what they were implying. When she did, she let out a loud gasp. "He's not a spirit!" she exclaimed. "He can't be! I mean, he looks... well, human! Not all watery or fiery or whatever!"

"A spirit?" Kuushou asked, but he was ignored for the moment.

"Ms. Vallière, I understand your concern, but spirits are the only magical creatures capable of human speech that aren't extinct, and they have absolutely no love for humankind. Even those willing to make deals with humans are known to be highly temperamental and vindictive," the Headmaster said.

"But... he's my familiar! He has the runes and everything! I performed the ritual correctly and summoned him!" Louise said pleadingly.

"Nonetheless, Professor Colbert reported certain... irregularities with the ritual, not least of which is the fact that what you summoned does not match the description of any known magical creature completely. He also reported that your familiar radiated a strange energy and spoke with an altered voice, both feats spirits are known to be capable of."

Louise turned to look at Colbert-sensei with a betrayed expression. He looked slightly embarrassed, but still met her gaze. "I take any potential threats to the students of this school very seriously," he said, "and I'm not convinced that your familiar is entirely safe, even for you."

Louise felt a sharp stab of fear in her gut as she recalled Kuushou's earlier words. He had warned her that they might try to take him away from her because he was so powerful.

"And if he is not a spirit?" she asked through clenched teeth. "Which he is _not_," she stressed.

"Even then," the Headmaster said apologetically, "he is still something unprecedented. Still, let us deal with the spirit issue first."

"Ah, are you listening to me now?" Kuushou asked sarcastically. "Perhaps you are going to tell me what a spirit is now?"

"You claim to not know?" the Headmaster asked, sounding both surprised and suspicious. "Well, in that case I'm sure you wouldn't mind if I performed a banishment ritual, would you?"

Kuushou looked to her again, an eyebrow raised. She nodded in response, saying, "A banishment ritual prevents a spirit from entering a certain area for a period of time, and forces all spirits present in the area to leave."

Kuushou looked thoughtful for a few moments, then shrugged. "How long is this going to take?"

"Not long at all," Old Osmont said, his expression relaxing slightly. "I'm sure Ms. Vallière and Professor Colbert will be happy to answer any questions you may have while I make the necessary preparations." That said, he moved over to a large cabinet and began pulling out small bundles and jars, muttering to himself.

"So, what is a spirit?" Kuushou asked again.

Colbert-sensei cleared his throat. "A spirit is a being of pure magic. An individual spirit will be composed of a single aspect of magic: either fire, wind, earth, or water. In very rare cases there have been instances of a spirit embodying a particular place rather than an element, but those spirits are unable to leave their habitats," he said in a lecturing tone.

"In fact," he continued, his voice growing a little excited, "some scholars theorize that spirits bound to a location aren't spirits at all, but instead another form of life entirely. There is some evidence for this, since-"

"Ahem," Kuushou interrupted. "While that may be very interesting to discuss later, perhaps we can stick to the basic version for now? For instance, why are you so worried that I might be a spirit?"

"Er, yes, of course," Colbert-sensei said. "Well, our concerns are well-founded, since only the stronger spirits are capable of manifesting even a vaguely human form, and only the strongest could truly pass for human. Water spirits tend to be the most friendly, if such a term could really be applied to a spirit, while fire spirits are the most aggressive and dangerous. There _have _been instances where a spirit attacked a human settlement – some even more heavily fortified than the Academy – for reasons known only to themselves."

Old Osmont was now placing the ritual components on the floor in a circle, still muttering under his breath.

"So, basically, you are worried I might kill the students?" Kuushou asked. "That seems odd, since I saw a lizard breathing flame, a giant mole, and a _dragon_ in the courtyard when I arrived."

"Er, well, all of those creatures have a long history as tame familiars and there exist known counters for their abilities. And, strictly speaking, the creature you saw was a wyvern, not an actual dragon; dragons are extinct. In any case, spirits are far more dangerous than any of those creatures."

Kuushou was looking at her again with that contemplative expression. It was starting to unnerve her a little bit, and she began talking before she fully realized it, babbling the first thing that came to mind.

"Legally speaking, familiars are considered to be an extension of the mage. The noble is responsible for any act committed by the familiar, though normally the issue is resolved by means of a fine or public apology. Unless there is clear indication of self-defense or the familiar is acting in defense of the master, in cases where someone dies because of the actions of the familiar, the familiar and even the master may be held accountable for murder and executed.

"There have been no instances where a familiar killed someone in cold-blood, as it were, in the last hundred years, and such cases were rare even before then," Louise continued, desperate to fill the silence and avoid the gnawing fear in her gut that she might still end up losing her familiar after all. "That said, many of the more powerful familiars have been officially enlisted into Her Majesty's armed forces along with their masters, such as Tristain's Griffon Knights. There are currently-"

"I think he gets the general idea, Louise," Colbert-sensei interrupted her gently. "I am pleased to see you remember your lessons so well, and even appear to have done some research on your own."

She blushed slightly at his praise. She'd only focused on familiars so extensively because it was her last hope to prove she could cast magic properly, as it were.

"Thank you, Colb-" she began to say.

A wave of power swept through the room, rippling through the air and tingling across her skin like an itch. Old Osmont had completed the ritual without warning any of them or giving them a chance to brace themselves for the... less than pleasant feeling. She shivered uncomfortably as the sensation faded, then turned to look at her familiar. She grinned widely as she saw he was none the worse for wear from the banishment ritual. She _knew _he wasn't a spirit; even her luck wasn't _that _bad.

"I trust that takes care of that issue?" Kuushou asked, raising an eyebrow questioningly.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: You know, for a series with "Familiar" in the title and that opens with a familiar summoning ceremony, the concept of a familiar isn't that important. Only certain specific familiars (the human ones, Sylphid to a lesser extent) have any importance, and even that isn't because they are familiars but because they have very powerful abilities. **

**What is Henrietta's familiar? What about Colbert? Agnes?**

**Since I'm not having much luck looking up information on the subject, expect part of this story to be expanding on the concept of a familiar and just _why _it's such an important part of the mage's life. In canon only the school kids seem to care, but that won't be the case here.**


	7. Less Than Common, Chapter 4

Even as Kuushou forced himself not to react, he could feel the wave of power the old man had unleashed washing over his body. There was a brief tingling sensation that quickly passed, then a feeling of weight. It wasn't so much that he was being pulled downward, however; it was more like his body was compressing his youki. The pressure was decidedly uncomfortable, but it was nothing he couldn't deal with.

It was rather obvious that the "banishment ritual" affected more than just spirits, or perhaps that, by this world's definition, he actually _was_ a spirit. A "being of pure magic" wasn't terribly different from a "being of pure energy," after all.

Still, he wasn't about to let the old man know that his ritual was in any way effective.

"I trust that takes care of that issue?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. He turned his attention to the Headmaster, who looked both surprised and intrigued.

"So, not a spirit then," the old man mused.

"I _told _you," Louise said, her voice triumphant. "He is my familiar, not a spirit."

"My apologies for doubting you, Ms. Vallière," the old man said, "but I'm sure you can understand our concern."

"A spirit within the school would be bad," Louise allowed, "but now you have proven definitively that my familiar is _not _a spirit. I trust you are satisfied?"

"Unfortunately, Ms. Vallière, that is not the end of the matter. We still need to know what manner of being he is – for our own records, if nothing else."

Kuushou had been pondering how to answer that question since it was first posed. He obviously couldn't claim to be fully human, as neither his summoner nor the teachers would accept that answer. Anything approaching the truth would not do either. There was also the matter of what he had told Louise outside the Headmaster's office; whatever he said now would have to agree with the information he had already let slip. He was beginning to wish he had more time to figure out what creatures were considered "too dangerous" by the populace of this world.

Ultimately, he decided to fall back on his ninja training – when all else fails, bullshit.

"If you need a term to describe my kind, you may call us Outlings," he said. "Our home is separate from the human realm, though we have had contact with humans in the distant past. Well, I say 'we', but I personally have never met your kind before. I believe I am the first to make contact with true humans in living memory, and the circumstances are rather unique. We know _of _you, however."

"The distant past, you say... _how _distant?" the Headmaster echoed curiously.

"My understanding is that Outlings first made contact with your kind several thousand years ago. Obviously I was not personally present, so I can't say for sure."

Louise looked fascinated and oddly smug while the Headmaster and Colbert exchanged glances. "That would make it around the Founder's time, possibly" Colbert said musingly. "Most records from the Founding have been lost, so it _is _possible."

"Why has there been no contact since then?" the Headmaster asked pointedly.

Kuushou shrugged. "I couldn't say. I'm not even certain where my home lies in relation to this place."

"What of your human appearance? And how are you speaking our language if you've never had contact with us?"

"As the Professor may have told you, I was unable to communicate with anyone until I was marked as a familiar by my Summoner here, so I presume magic is responsible for that in some fashion. As for my appearance, I have looked like this since I was born, for the most part. I have gone through some changes as I matured, of course, but overall my form has changed little. As for why I so closely resemble a human being... well, we have legends that may explain it, though I make no guarantees if they are true or not."

Kuushou smirked internally. Now that he knew that there were no records of history that far back, he could provide all sorts of "details" to flesh out his story.

"As the legend goes, thousands of years ago humanity was fighting an incredibly dangerous foe and losing badly. The Outlings of that age were individually weak but very numerous. So numerous, in fact, that we had become overpopulated and were turning on each other in order to secure the food and resources needed to survive. One faction of Outlings, a faction that was beginning to lose, entered into an agreement with the humans of that time. We would lend our numbers to aid your cause, and you would use your magic to strengthen us so that we could triumph in our own struggle."

The Headmaster and Colbert also appeared fascinated now, getting drawn into his account of an age thought lost to history.

"I do not know what the intent was, but the ultimate result was that that particular faction of Outlings were given human bodies, of a sort. Things such as our eyes or other animal features differentiated us, but on the whole we _appeared_ mostly human. We fought side by side against this foe for a time and were winning, but my kind were eventually routed and cast out of the human realm, never to return. Whatever the mages of that day did to us persisted, however, and we thrived and have continued to thrive to this day.

"So the legend goes, anyway," Kuushou reiterated.

The Headmaster and Colbert exchanged knowing glances, while Louise appeared awed.

"Thank you for explaining," the Headmaster said. "You have given us much to think on." He still seemed tense, but his attention was focused elsewhere.

"Was that all you needed?" Kuushou asked.

"Hmm... for now, I believe I am satisfied," the Headmaster finally replied. "For the time being I will ask that you adhere to the student's rules of conduct, until we can come to a more permanent decision regarding your unique situation. I trust that will be acceptable?"

Kuushou stifled his irritation when Louise replied for him, saying "Of course that's acceptable." Still, he nodded in agreement; it's not as if there was any reason to reply differently. Telling them that he would follow the rules only if he found it convenient to do so would be idiotic. He _would_ need to stop her from speaking for him before it turned into a habit, however.

Colbert remained behind to continue speaking with the Headmaster, so Kuushou followed Louise out of the office. The secretary was still eying them curiously, but made no comment as they began to wind their way down the stairs and out into the courtyard.

While they were hidden from view in the stairwell, Kuushou began experimenting with his youki, trying to determine exactly what the ritual had done to him. He let several tendrils trail out of his back, letting them stretch several feet behind him.

He immediately noticed that the feeling of pressure increased a hundredfold the moment his youki was outside the confines of his container. There was a definite direction to the force this time, however, down and away. As they circled the edge of the tower it quickly became obvious that the pressure was emanating from the top of the tower, presumably the Headmaster's office where the ritual had been performed.

He added more youki, increasing the size and density of the tendril. The pressure didn't diminish, exactly, but it was much easier to ignore. It was still uncomfortable though, and reminded him of trying to move underwater.

"I can't believe you fought against the elves with the Founder!" Louise chattered excitedly. "Well, not you, you, but Outlings! And I summoned one as my familiar!"

"... what?" Kuushou asked flatly.

"Well, the legend you told us didn't name them, but there is only one ancient enemy that matches the circumstances you described, and that's the elves. Maybe your kind were created by Founder Brimir himself!"

"I was under the impression that you didn't have any historical records that far back," Kuushou said through clenched teeth. Louise's excitement didn't sound like a bad thing, exactly, but the reverence with which Louise spoke of this Brimir just screamed of religious fervor.

"Well, we don't really, but everyone knows that Founder Brimir saved us from the elves roughly six thousand years ago and that his descendents are the Royal families of Halkeginia. There are even rumors that he used unusual familiars to fight the elves but that they were all lost before his death. See? It fits!"

"Yes... yes, it does," Kuushou admitted ruefully. "That's just a legend, though," he added quickly. "It's best not to put too much stock in them, even if they seem to make sense."

Louise nodded absently, obviously not really listening to his words.

* * *

><p>Louise rolled over in her bed, pulling the covers over her head in a vain attempt to hide from the rising sun.<p>

"Too early," she mumbled.

"Really? I'm usually awake well before this," a voice replied.

Louise shot out of bed with a choked scream, getting tangled with the covers and flailing about before landing with a solid thump on the cold stone floor. The sudden impact, along with the swift and highly unwelcome change in temperature, had her shooting to her feet again and hopping back onto her bed, where she shivered for a moment.

As her rapidly beating heart slowly calmed, she remembered that, yes, there was someone else in her room and that, yes, they were supposed to be here. She staved off her embarrassment with a well-practiced and traditional response.

"Don't do that!" she cried out, still mumbling slightly as she rubbed the sleep from her eyes.

"What in particular are you referring to? Allowing you to sleep late, or responding to your statements, or perhaps watching you as you sleep?"

"I meant don't startle- wait, what?"

"Ah, I see. I will wait until you are more awake in the future before speaking to you, then."

"Nono, what was that last one?"

"Responding to your statements?" Even in her addled state she could tell that her familiar was teasing her.

"No, after that."

"Ah, watching you as you sleep? Well, I woke up well before you did, but you seemed so comfortable..."

"So you just sat there and stared at me? How long have you been awake?"

"Oh, a few hours now, I think," her familiar replied, his voice still tinged with amusement.

Louise stared at his face for a long moment, noting his red eyes dancing with mirth and his sly smirk. She wasn't quite sure how to respond to that, or even if he was serious or not, so she decided to just ignore it.

"Never mind. Since you obviously need something useful to do, you can help me get ready this morning. Lay out my clothing," she said as she slowly pulled herself out of her bed. She hadn't really thought about it before, but having a familiar with a human form could be useful in unexpected ways. She wasn't certain how powerful he really was - she had heeded his advice about not asking such questions in public, but she _would _be getting answers today - but even if he proved to be relatively useless as a guardian he could function as a perfectly loyal and obedient servant. Or, better yet, both!

She pulled off her nightgown and spread her arms, waiting for her familiar to begin clothing her. It had been a long time since she had her own servant, and she had rather missed the personal touch her father's servants had provided. The Academy insisted that students fend for themselves to an almost barbaric degree, but she wouldn't have to put up with that anymore! Ha! Take that, Kirche!

She frowned in annoyance when her familiar didn't begin dressing her, and turned around to face him. He had the oddest expression on her face, one she couldn't quite decipher.

"What are you waiting for?"

"Do you normally strip around other people?" he asked, his voice neutral.

"Of course not!" Louise replied indignantly. "But the servants back home clothed me all the time."

"Male servants?"

"Of course not!" Louise repeated. "As if any of them would dare enter my private chambers."

"Then why are you naked now?"

Louise didn't like where this conversation was going. "You aren't a manservant, you are my familiar. What difference does it make if I'm naked or not?"

Kuushou just raised an eyebrow. "Granted I myself am not human, as such, but I am... compatible, you could say. And most definitely male."

Louise _really _didn't like where this conversation was going. Her arms began moving to cover her body as her face began heating. "By compatible, you mean..."

"Yes, that. And while I appreciate the view, it's a little early for that sort of thing, don't you think?"

Louise moved faster than she ever had in her entire life, diving into her bed and the safety of the covers. "G-g-g-get out!" she screamed, mortified.

"As you will," her familiar replied, nonchalantly leaving the room and closing the door firmly behind him.

"Just a dream," Louise told herself. "Just a really bad, horribly embarrassing dream. I'm going to wake up any second now."

* * *

><p>"We will never speak of this again," Louise said as she exited her room. "In fact, that never happened."<p>

"You mean when you stripped and-"

"_Never. Happened," _she growled, pouring all of her anger and embarrassment into her glare, doing her best to make her familiar spontaneously combust through sheer force of will. Her familiar looked vaguely impressed.

"As you will," he said. "Where are we off to now?"

"Breakfast," she said shortly, beginning to stomp off in the direction of the dining hall.

"Excellent. We never did get around to eating last night."

Louise just grunted in reply, mumbling angrily under her breath. She led them down several flights of stairs and across the courtyard, eventually entering a large hall filled with long rows of tables. About half of them were filled with students, some eating by themselves as they read books or studied charts, while others were grouped together and chatting merrily.

The level of noise dropped slightly when she entered the room, but she ignored it as she always did; she'd had plenty of practice tuning out the taunts and jibes of her so-called peers.

She took a seat a good distance away from any other students, sitting straight-backed and waiting impatiently for one of the servants to bring her food. It took her a moment to realize that her familiar had taken a seat beside her and was scanning the hall curiously.

"Familiar!" she hissed. "What are you doing?"

"Getting breakfast, supposedly," he replied, glancing at her.

"You can't eat here," Louise said lowly. "This hall is for the students, the nobles."

Her familiar's expression shifted into something unreadable again; that happened far too often for her tastes. She didn't consider herself an expert, but she'd been trained on how to read other people while growing up - her father considered it a vital part of any noble's education - and was fairly good at it by all accounts; except, apparently, where it concerned her own familiar.

"And where would I eat, then?" he asked.

"With the other familiars in the courtyard, obviously."

Her familiar's expression went completely blank this time.

"There seems to be a misunderstanding," her familiar began, his tone cold, but he was interrupted by a mocking voice.

"Honestly, Louise, I know you're desperate for recognition but you don't need to parade your familiar around constantly," Kirche said. "Everyone has already heard about how you are no longer Louise the Zero."

Louise felt the beginnings of pride stirring within her. If even Kirche, her most vicious detractor, was acknowledging her success...

"We're trying to decide if you should be Louise the Once-In-A-Lifetime, or possibly Louise the Never Again... which do you like more?" Kirche asked bitingly, a cruel smirk on her lips.

Louise closed her eyes briefly, expertly hiding her pained expression behind a haughty facade. "I'm surprised you found time to spread rumors with all that time you spend spreading your legs," Louise snapped.

"Jealousy does not become you, my dear Louise," Kirche replied archly. "I'm sure you will manage to inflame the passions of men at some point in your life... someone out there must like the small, plain and flat type, right?"

Louise glared at Kirche, momentarily unable to find the words to reply. She truly and honestly hated Kirche sometimes, especially at moments like this. Every barb Kirche spoke stabbed deep into Louise's most insecure areas while any retort Louise could muster was just shrugged off. The girl had absolutely no shame whatsoever! She kept an honest to Founder schedule for her liaisons. A schedule!

"As entertaining as this is," her familiar interrupted, "I was discussing something with my Summoner."

"Ah yes, the 'anything but common' familiar. Despite the show you put on earlier, you can't be anything that impressive if _Louise _of all people managed to summon you," Kirche said, smirking.

Louise was a hairsbreadth away from pulling her wand and attacking Kirche, damn the consequences. _No one _was going to diminish her single greatest achievement.

She felt a slight breeze move past her, and blinked.

"Impressive is such a vague term," her familiar said, but he was no longer seated beside her. She could see the edge of his spiky blonde head behind Kirche's own and his hand resting lightly on the red-headed girl's shoulder, but the rest of his body was hidden from view. Kirche's expression seemed shocked at first, but then her face grew pale and her eyes began darting frantically to and fro. Despite her frightened expression, her body did not move at all.

"You can be impressed that a child managed to walk a few stumbling steps. You can be impressed that the village idiot said something vaguely intelligent. You can be impressed that your opponent managed to last two minutes against you. Impressive doesn't really mean anything."

Kirche's eyes were wide and panicked, and her chest was heaving as she breathed rapidly through her nose. It was obvious to Louise now that her familiar was doing something, though she honestly couldn't say what.

"Now _dangerous, _on the other hand... that means all sorts of things."

"Let her go," came a quiet voice, Louise turned to see Tabitha standing nearby, the petite, blue-haired girl's gaze fixed on the familiar standing behind Kirche with her staff grasped firmly in both hands. Louise had never seen her look that focused before.

There was a tense silence for several seconds before Tabitha spoke again, saying, "Please."

Kirche stumbled forward, her mouth finally opening as she pulled in great lungfuls of air. "What did you do to me?" she gasped, her hand fumbling for her wand. She was interrupted by Tabitha, who moved her staff in front of Kirche in a warding gesture.

"Don't," the blue-haired girl said quietly.

"But-" Kirche started, but trailed off when Tabitha shook her head silently.

"Now that I've made my point, I would like to finish my conversation with my Summoner," Kuushou said, his tone even.

Tabitha looked at him for a moment before nodding slightly. Her familiar nodded back before returning to his seat, looking completely calm and at ease.

Louise watched as Tabitha and Kirche left the dining hall before she turned back to her familiar. "What was that?" she hissed quietly.

"A friendly warning," her familiar said, sounding completely serious and sincere. "Something tells me that another warning will be necessary, but that is not my concern at the moment."

"You can't just-"

"I _can, _and I _will_, as often as I deem necessary. I've been putting off this conversation until I had a firmer grasp of the situation here, but I think I've seen and heard everything I need to. The only question is if you want to eat breakfast first."

Louise's mouth opened and closed several times as she stared into her familiar's face. A small growl from her stomach reminded her that it had been nearly a full day since she last had any food, which made her decision for her.

"Breakfast first," she finally replied, "then you will explain yourself to my satisfaction."

Her familiar made a non-committal noise before turned back to the table. When the servants finally brought out the food, they ate in a tense silence and ignored the muttering and stares from the other nobles in the hall.

* * *

><p>Thirty minutes later they had found a small, secluded area of the Academy grounds and settled onto a bench.<p>

"Now then, what was that about, back in the dining hall? What were you doing to Kirche?" Louise demanded.

"Why is your runic name 'The Zero'?" her familiar asked rather than answer her question.

"That is _not _my runic name," Louise snapped. "That's just a stupid nickname that Kirche came up with."

"Why does everyone call you that, then?"

"T-T-That doesn't matter!" Louise declared. "What were you doing back in the dining hall?"

"Why does everyone call you that?" her familiar asked again.

Louise glared at him, trying to convey her anger at his refusal to answer her question. Her familiar just stared back, unperturbed.

"Why does everyone call you that?" her familiar repeated, and Louise's increasingly fragile hold on her emotions snapped.

"Because I'm a failure!" she screamed. "Because I've never managed to cast a single spell right in my entire life! Because everyone is convinced I'll never amount to anything at all! Because they think that I have zero talent, zero prospects, zero worth!" she ranted, panting. She scrubbed her arms across her face, furiously wiping away the tears that were gathering in her eyes, then turned to glare again at her familiar.

He was smiling. Not one of those small, mocking smiles that he had shown so often. Not one of his fake smiles that he wore for the sake of politeness. This was a wide grin that showed absolute delight.

"You think it's funny?" Louise cried, pulling out her wand threateningly. "Are you going to start calling me that too?" She wasn't sure what she would do if even her own familiar, the proof that at least once in her life she had managed to do something right, turned against her.

Her familiar just shook his head, still grinning.

"It's rather amazing how blind people can be," he said. "Before me stands the single most powerful mage in this entire Academy, and they label you a failure."

"Don't mock me!" she yelled, brandishing her wand.

"There is no mockery," her familiar replied soothingly. "One of the abilities I failed to mention to the Headmaster is that I can sense the power in other beings. The mages here seem to come in four varieties, and it's quite obvious that they are each aligned to one of the four elements. Kirche, for example, is one of the stronger fire mages I've encountered thus far, second only to that bald teacher. Tabitha outstrips them both by a fair margin, though she is wind-natured."

"... and me?" Louise asked hesitantly. Her familiar seemed sincere, but she'd tried every spell from every element she could find, and none of them worked. And the ability to measure power? She'd never heard of such a thing. On the other hand, he'd only been here a day and he'd already picked out Tabitha as unusually strong. It had taken her months before she realized just what Tabitha was capable of as the girl never showed off or bragged, unlike most of the nobles in the Academy.

"You are a different class altogether," her familiar said.

Louise wasn't sure what to make of that, but she was more concerned about another matter. "What about my element?" she asked. "Am I really fire, like the Headmaster suggested?"

"Not at all," her familiar replied easily. "You aren't fire, or water, or earth, or air."

"But-"

"Which simply means that you aren't aligned to any one of the elements."

"But everyone has to be aligned to one of the four elements," she objected. "It's one of the basic tenets of magic!"

"Then the tenets are wrong," her familiar said dismissively.

Louise gaped.

"Perhaps that is the problem," he said musingly. "Perhaps no one was willing to try something different with you, even though your lack of alignment should have been obvious. Have you ever tried a different approach than casting the same spells over and over, hoping for a different result?"

Louise mutely shook her head, still stunned that her familiar would casually dismiss thousands of years and accumulated wisdom - and further shocked by just how much she wanted him to be right.

"Let's try an experiment," he suggested. "Cast a spell - any spell you like - at that tree," he added, pointing to his right at a small oak tree near another bench.

Louise hesitantly pointed her wand at the tree, quickly going through an incantation. "Spirits of water, flow forth at my command to douse that which is before me. Spray!" she announced, attempting to cast a very simple spell that caused a stream of water to flow from the tip of her wand.

A sharp crack sounded throughout the secluded courtyard. Small bits of charred wood rained down around her, and through the haze of smoke she could see that the tree was now missing a large section of its trunk. After a moment, the tree collapsed under its own weight with a crackle of splintering wood and a resounding thud.

Louise shook off the too familiar sting of failure and turned back to face her familiar.

Kuushou whistled lowly. "Even better than I expected," he said, sounding pleased. "Is that what the Headmaster meant by your disposition for explosions?"

Louise just nodded, wondering where her familiar was going with this.

"Then I am pleased to say that you are already more dangerous than some of the trained soldiers I have seen. For this next part, I think we'd be better off moving somewhere with a little more space."

He stood up and placed his hand on her shoulder, and she felt the world lurch around her. The next few minutes were a series of abrupt stops and lurches that left her reeling. When they came to a stop after what felt like an eternity, she stumbled to her knees, fighting desperately to keep the breakfast she had just eaten from coming back up.

"Ah, my apologies for that," her familiar said, not sounding at all apologetic. "The shunshin can be a bit rough on people who aren't used to it."

When Louise recovered enough to look up, she found that she was in the middle of a wide grassy field. She could make out the Academy walls in the distance, the small village that housed the servants and workers who supported the Academy clearly visible next to it.

"How did we...?"

"I can move very quickly, if I so choose," her familiar replied. "Don't worry about that right now."

Very quickly? They had to be at least five miles away from the Academy right now, and the sun still hung high in the sky.

"For the second part of the experiment, I want you to cause an explosion."

Louise scowled. "I just did that," she snapped.

"I meant intentionally cause an explosion. Rather than trying to use a water spell or fire spell or whatever, think about causing an explosion and cast."

"I don't know any of those spells," she said through clenched teeth.

Her familiar blinked. "Do all spells require the words before you can cast them?"

"Well... no," Louise allowed. "I know experienced mages can cast spells without saying anything."

"And do all spells have specific effects, or are there spells that just cause a gust of wind or create a flame that you can then direct as you choose?"

"Both kinds of spells exist," she admitted, beginning to see where he was going with this.

"Then cast a spell that causes an explosion."

Louise huffed and picked a random spot in the field roughly fifty feet away. She faltered for a minute trying to come up with an incantation at the spur of the moment, but eventually just said nothing and thrust her wand forward, throwing all the power she could muster behind her impromptu spell.

For the first time in her life, she could actually feel the power flowing out of her body into her wand. The tingling began in her chest, then spread down her arm and through her hand. The wave of power left a vaguely numb sensation behind it, but that quickly faded. Out of the corner of her eye she saw her familiar's head snap down to look at his bandaged arm, but most of her attention was focused on the section of the field where she had aimed her spell.

Her eyes widened in anticipation, but before she could observe the results of her casting she was hit by something and felt that sickening lurching sensation again. She felt the wind rush out of her lungs at the impact, but even that annoyance faded when the loudest sound she'd ever heard assaulted her ears. The cacophonous din faded slowly, leaving a painful ringing sound in its wake. There was no abrupt stop this time, instead she felt her body tumbling along the ground for several seconds before she finally came to a halt.

She drew in a lungful of air, then immediately began coughing as she attempted to clear the dust from her lungs. She felt a weight on top of her and looked up, blinking through the dust, to see her familiar hovering over her with another delighted grin on his face. His lips were moving, but she couldn't make out any words.

He stood up and lifted her to her feet in one easy motion, patting her on the shoulder as his lips continued to move.

"What?" she asked, then blinked, because she could barely make out her own voice. Her familiar cocked his head to the side, then his eyes widened and he shook his head, smirking. He covered her ears with his hands, and his face went blank for a long moment. She felt dizzy for a few seconds, then shook her head in confusion as the sensation vanished just as quickly as it had come. She felt several sharp pains and dull aches that she had only been peripherally aware of up to this point fade as well.

"What are you doing?" she asked, batting his hands away.

"Can you hear me now?" he asked.

Louise blinked, then nodded slowly. "Yes, I can."

"Good. Next time, it would be a good idea to aim farther away. Much farther."

She started to ask what he was talking about, but then caught sight of the field behind him. Or what used to a field, anyway. It was now more of a giant smoking crater carved out of the earth. Her jaw dropped open, and she began spluttering incoherently.

"Experiment successful," her familiar announced, sounding thoroughly smug.

* * *

><p>Kuushou grinned as his summoner continued to gape at her own success. It had been more of a hunch than educated guess, but it had been fairly obvious earlier than no one had even considered trying to harness Louise's explosions in and of themselves. That alone convinced him that this world operated very differently from the Elemental Countries; anyone capable of creating explosions like what the girl had just managed would have been a valuable and cultivated resource.<p>

In fact... yes, judging by the girl's state, she wasn't even significantly tired out by the effort. He was tempted to have her continue creating explosions to determine her limit, but he had other business to take care of. He was curious about that strange sensation that had originated from the brand on his arm when she had cast that spell, but that too could wait.

"Now that you understand just _why _I said you were the most powerful mage in the Academy, we can discuss our relationship moving forward."

Louise turned to him wordlessly, still struck speechless by her own success.

"Let's return to the Academy first - to your room, I think. We should have a decent amount of privacy there, and this could take a while."

Louise paled and started to back away, but he took hold of her and vanished in another shunshin, leaving the scorched and blasted field behind.

Louise managed to retain her breakfast more easily this time, but she still looked rather pale and shaken as they entered her room. Louise sat on the bed while Kuushou leaned against the wall nearby, staring at her intently while making sure that no one else was close enough to overhear. From what he could tell the majority of the students were milling about in the courtyard, while most of the teachers seemed to be leaving the Academy as a group.

"To begin with, while I am your familiar, I am not - in any way, shape, or form - an animal. If you attempt to treat me as such again, you will not like the consequences."

Louise finally gathered her wits as she listened to him, and opened her mouth to reply.

"Do not speak," Kuushou barked quickly, cutting off her response. "You will listen to what I have to say, then you may talk."

They matched stares for a long moment, but Louise finally relented with an obstinate look on her face. Kuushou was a little surprised at how quickly she acquiesced. Her temper was uneven at best, but it seemed like she was in one of her more reasonable moods. Perhaps his experiment earlier had an unexpected benefit.

"Thank you," he said, mindful not to trample on the girl's pride too much. "You did summon me, that is true, but I _chose _to respond to that summons."

He immediately noted the pained expression on her face. The girl was ridiculously easy to wound - the slightest suggestion that she was anything less than a perfect mage and she either lost her temper or reacted like a kicked puppy. That would be one of the first things he'd have to fix. She would be easy to manipulate like this, but she would also be easy for other people to manipulate, and that just would not do.

"Make no mistake," he added, "such a feat would be beyond any other mage in the Academy, perhaps any other mage period." Sure enough, her demeanor shifted from "kicked puppy" to "arrogant princess" in an instant.

"I will not act as some lowly servant to be ordered about," he continued, "or as a pet to be shown off and trained. I am far older and more experienced than any mere human could imagine.

"As I said, you are my summoner. That apparently means a great deal in this world, and I do not dismiss the significance of what you have accomplished." He let those words sink in for a moment before he continued.

"You are not my master. You do not own me. You do not control me."

Now she had lost her "arrogant princess" look and moved on to "petulant child." She showed emotion far too easily, another issue they would have to address.

"You said when we first spoke that a familiar was part of the mage, and the mage was part of the familiar. Were those just empty words, or something that you truly believed?"

Louise stared at him mulishly for a moment before she ground out, "That's what I truly believe."

"Good. In that case, I am willing to work with you as an equal, to form a partnership, of sorts. I will help you accomplish your goals, and you will help me accomplish mine, and together we will accomplish feats that this world will never forget."

Her eyes widened and a slow smile spread across her face, and he knew he had her.

"I appear mostly human, and could pass for entirely human should the need arise. I do not particularly care for whatever ceremonies or rituals your country uses, but I will not suffer insults or let these so-called nobles inflate their egos at my own expense." He paused for a moment, considering, before deciding to offer a gesture to soothe any ruffled feathers. "As my summoner, I will not suffer any insults directed at yourself either.

"We are powerful, and one way or another this world will know it."

Yes, judging by the fire dancing in her eyes, she was more than willing to agree to that.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Louise is a very interesting character, with a _lot _of baggage and a lot of potential. She's a small, awkward bundle of arrogance, self-loathing, and desperation. Unfortunately, in canon, Saito just serves to continually build up her confidence and self-respect only to break it to bits over and over again. That's my own theory as to why her behavior just gets worse and worse over the course of the canon series, and will likely lead to some sort of twisted murder-suicide. Or a Tenchi solution. One or the other.  
><strong>

**Kuushou has a solid grasp on her personality and motivations at this point; it's not like she tries to hide them. On the other hand, there are certain aspects to her personality and character that he hasn't been exposed to yet that are going to cause problems, for both of them.  
><strong>

**I probably won't be doing the obligatory Guiche-duel scene, for three reasons: first, because Guiche doesn't believe that Kuushou is a simple commoner, especially after what he did to Kirche; second, because in this story Kuushou didn't run into Guiche while he was trying to woo another girl and thus the sequence of events that lead up to that scenario aren't in place; and three, because Kuushou would kill Guiche without a second thought if they actually fought. Guiche's canon approach to the fight would be more than enough to elicit a _lesson _from Kuushou in response.  
><strong>

**Guiche actually turns into a respectable character later on, as does Kirche, so I don't want to kill them off before they have a chance to do so. As for Tabitha... well, I have _plans_.**


	8. Swapping The Cage, Chapter 3

He waited an entire hour this time, sitting in his chair in the middle of the room with a bored look plastered on his face. He considered attempting to talk to the ANBU who were watching him but eventually discarded the idea. He didn't recognize any of them by their chakra signatures and couldn't think of anything useful to say.

While he waited, he focused on stretching his senses as much as possible in an effort to identify where key people were located within Konoha. The Hokage was nearby, of course, along with all of his prominent ANBU. He couldn't sense Dragon, though, which was odd; given how seriously the Hokage seemed to be treating the situation, he would have expected the ANBU Commander to be nearby. Perhaps he was out on a mission.

Twenty minutes into his wait he had identified most of the Clan Heads and their children. He had failed to locate Mikoto Uchiha or the Ogawa Clan Head, however. In fact, he couldn't identify any of the Uchiha he had bothered to remember, aside from Sasuke.

Strange.

He also couldn't identify Shizune or any of her medical staff, which was doubly strange. It was incredibly rare for Shizune to leave Konoha, and to take _all _of her staff with her?

He was busy trying to dredge up any memories that might identify the ANBU in the room with him – the one in the Cat mask he might have encountered before, he thought – when he felt the Hokage approaching his room once again.

The old man entered the room more slowly this time, a pensive expression on his face.

"Leave us," he said, stepping aside to allow the ANBU to file out of the room. They did so without complaint and closed the door behind them.

"Well, Naruto-kun, we seem to have a rather unusual situation on our hands," the Hokage began.

Kuushou just shrugged, his face impassive. "I'm biding my time until the real Hokage shows up," he said. "You guys aren't even all that inventive with the interrogation."

"Yes... about that. Inoichi gave his report and it was rather... convincing. We have been forced to acknowledge that you are, for all intents and purposes, Naruto Uzumaki – or rather, Yamanaka. This does not explain what happened to _our _Naruto, but Inoichi is convinced that you were brought here against your will and without your knowledge.

"The problem therefore is how to convince you that you are not trapped in a genjutsu or otherwise being misled. Is there anything you can think of that would convince you?"

"Any sufficiently complex genjutsu is capable of utilizing the target's own expectations against them in order to produce a suitably convincing illusion," Kuushou quoted. Noticing the Hokage's expression, he snapped, "That, right there. Why are you surprised?"

The Hokage looked faintly embarrassed, but answered nonetheless. "I am not used to hearing you – or Naruto, rather – speak so... knowledgeably."

"So that wasn't a mistaken impression, then. People really do think I'm an idiot."

The Hokage spluttered for a moment before sighing. "Essentially, yes. You- Naruto is not scholastically inclined. He enjoyed more physical pursuits and was rarely able to focus in the classroom."

"To the extent that passing the graduation exam was so out of character that you were convinced I was more likely to be a mindless engine of hatred and destruction?" he bit out. It wasn't even him, not really, but he'd spent a lot of time crafting his persona as the intelligent and studious Naruto Yamanaka, and he found the very idea that he would be viewed in such a poor light insulting.

"It was Iruka Umino who first voiced his concerns," the Hokage said, not answering his question directly. "Apparently you addressed him as 'Umino-sensei' during your test, something which Naruto-kun would never do. He had a rather close relationship with Iruka and always addressed him as either 'sensei' or 'Iruka-sensei'. Once we had reason to suspect that Naruto was not himself, the Kyuubi was the most probable explanation."

Kuushou maintained his glare for a long moment, enjoying the look of discomfort on the Hokage's face immensely, before he sighed and leaned back. "Fair enough," he said. "As for what would convince me this is real... two things.

"First, why did you react so strangely to the mention of the Uchiha incident?"

The Hokage flinched again. Kuushou frowned thoughtfully, realizing that this Hokage seemed to be much easier to read and was much more open with his emotions. He also seemed older and more frail than when he had last seen him. Several years older, in fact, although based on everything else he had seen the rest of the world was more or less at the same time as the one he had recently been in.

"The Uchiha were not traitors," the Hokage said firmly. "All but one of them were killed when one of their own went rogue – according to the sole witness, the perpetrator had gone insane and massacred his own clan to 'test his capacity'."

"Obviously Sasuke is the survivor," Kuushou mused, "so who was the perpetrator?"

"Itachi Uchiha."

It took everything Kuushou had not to burst out laughing at that point. Itachi killing his own family? Not likely. Granted, this was apparently an entirely different world - and with the number of differences both subtle and large piling up before him it was becoming easier and easier to believe that particular scenario. Even so, the thought of someone like Itachi doing that, and for such a ridiculous reason as 'testing his capacity'... absurd. The man was S-ranked by the time he was fifteen; killing craftsmen and policemen would present no meaningful challenge.

Kuushou didn't let any of that show, of course.

"I suppose that isn't surprising," he said instead. "I'm sure that Inoichi told you what Itachi did to me."

"Yes...," the Hokage said slowly, looking distinctly uncomfortable.

"Moving on then... second, why was I not adopted by the Yamanakas?"

The Hokage sighed and wiped his hand over his face. "Well, the good news there is that no attempted murder happened for our Naruto. I can't speak to all of the reasons you were adopted in your world, but the counseling sessions I'm sure were a large part of that."

Kuushou just nodded, knowing that much should have been obvious from the memories Inoichi witnessed. "Why was I not adopted at all, then? Why am I living alone in that terrible apartment in the slums?"

The Hokage looked uncomfortable again. "There was no murder attempt, but there were a number of... incidents involving you when you were younger. You eventually asked to be allowed to live on your own, and it was decided that you might be more comfortable doing so. The city of Konoha provides a small stipend for orphaned children who are not adopted, but that apartment is about all you can afford."

"Incidents?"

"You were involved in a number of altercations with the other children which were escalating in intensity. Injuries were becoming more frequent, and the situation was not improving."

Kuushou found it interesting that the Hokage couldn't quite meet his eyes. He sat back, thinking over everything the Hokage had said, and more importantly what he hadn't said.

"Iruka Umino raised concerns, you said."

The Hokage's brow furrowed as he nodded.

"A school teacher knew enough to be worried that I was the tailed beast."

The Hokage grimaced, looking resigned.

"Everyone in Konoha knows, don't they? That's why they were so wary of me when I was headed towards the Academy this morning."

"Not everyone," the Hokage corrected quickly. "None of the children your age know."

Kuushou blinked, honestly surprised by that.

"Shino, Sasuke, and Hinata don't know?" He barely avoided adding Ino to that list, remembering just in time that the Yamanaka here weren't endangered by his youki... apparently, anyway. He cursed internally, trying to remember if any of the memories he had planted for Inoichi had included that little tidbit or not. There was the meeting with the Hokage and Inoichi when he claimed to already know about his status as a jinchuuriki, but he didn't think that included the bit about the Yamanaka, did it?

"Should they?" the Hokage asked.

"Well, their bloodlines can easily identify my status as a jinchuuriki, if they knew what they were detecting. The fact that my chakra is different should be rather obvious, in any case."

"Which is easily explained as a new bloodline," the Hokage replied.

Kuushou paused before nodding thoughtfully. "I suppose," he allowed. "Regardless, even if none of the children know, your wording implies that all, or at least most, of the adults do."

The Hokage sighed and nodded. "Despite my best intentions, your status had reached too many ears too quickly in the wake of the Kyuubi's attack. The damage was extensive, and the majority of our efforts focused on saving those trapped in the damaged sections of the village rather than information control. Preventing overzealous ninja and even civilians from 'finishing the job' was difficult enough at the time. It took a while for the fools to understand that doing so was just as likely to release the Kyuubi as anything."

Kuushou blinked for a moment before immediately shifting his focus inside the seal. If the Hokage believed that he would be released, that meant that the Death God had not told them everything here. Or perhaps, that the seal itself was different. And if it was a different seal, perhaps he was not bound to be banished if he broke it.

His excitement faded as quickly as it came as he recognized the white walls and small doorways of his seal. This may be a different world, but either the seal was essentially the same or his old seal had come with him.

Disappointed, though not terribly surprised, he shifted his focus back outside his body and fixed his gaze on the Hokage once again.

"So all of that means that Naruto was hated or feared by the adults because they think he is the tailed beast, and that the children have been taught to hate and fear me as well. I was the one getting injured at the orphanage, wasn't I? They were beating me up more and more, and the adults in the orphanage were doing nothing to stop it. I was _allowed_ to leave for my own protection."

The Hokage just nodded, shamefaced.

Kuushou grinned to himself. This Hokage had the same guilt complex as his own; worse, even, since he had so much more to be guilty about.

"Well, I have to admit that the different world theory looks more and more likely," he said, watching the Hokage's expression carefully. When he spotted the bit of happiness and anticipation shining in the old man's eyes, he continued, "Too many things are different for this to be an elaborate hoax, and a genjutsu is out since I would never have expected something that fucked up to happen to me in any world."

Messing with this Hokage would be even more amusing than messing with his own, Kuushou thought, enjoying the pained expression on the old man's face immensely.

* * *

><p>They had eventually moved their discussion to the Hokage's office. They covered several topics in the meantime, and were now discussing the fine details of his own continued stay in Konoha. Since neither of them had any idea what had happened, how to undo it, or if such a thing was even possible, moving forward was the only option left.<p>

They were just beginning to discuss his graduation and future as a genin when the door opened and three people walked in unannounced. Kuushou's eyebrows rose in surprise when none of the ANBU so much as twitched in reaction; even the Hokage seemed more resigned than annoyed.

All of them were old, probably as old as the Hokage. The two in front, one male and one female, wore quality robes of simple design and walked with straight backs and stern expressions. There were followed by another male, this one swathed in bandages and walking with the aid of a cane. Even more curiously, Kuushou had never seen any of them.

"This is the boy, Hiruzen?" the female asked, her tone filled with barely veiled disgust.

"Yes, Koharu, this is _Naruto,_" the Hokage replied.

Kuushou blinked. He may not recognize them in person, but he knew that name. "Koharu Utatane? Homura Mitokado?"

All four of the adults paused and turned to look at him. Koharu and Homura actually looked surprised, while the Hokage merely appeared curious. The fourth man... well, he was impossible to read, even for him. Calling his expression "blank" didn't do it justice.

"It's quite an honor," Kuushou continued, "to meet two of the heroes of Konoha. Well, you were heroes in my world, anyway; you gave your lives to delay the beast long enough for the Fourth Hokage's plan to work. Obviously you didn't do that here."

Their expressions twisted oddly, as if they were trying to figure out if they had just been complimented or insulted as well as absorbing the fact that they had apparently died twelve years ago in another world.

Moving on, Kuushou turned to the fourth man in the room, pausing dramatically before stating, "And I have no idea who you are."

"I'm not surprised," came the flat reply from the bandaged man.

"That is Danzo Shimura," the Hokage supplied, "one of the elders of Konoha."

"I see," Kuushou said, turning his attention back to the Hokage.

"Now that the boy's interruption is over," Homura said, his voice laced with disdain, "what do you plan to do with him, Hiruzen?"

"Nothing at all," the Hokage replied simply.

"Preposterous," Koharu snapped. "You can't just let a potential infiltrator wander about. He needs to be evaluated and watched!"

"He has been evaluated, by Inoichi," the Hokage replied calmly. "As far as I am concerned he is Naruto."

"That's all well and good, Hiruzen," Homura began, "but as you know a single evaluation, even performed by someone as skilled as Inoichi, can miss things."

The three began to argue back and forth, the apparent sticking point not so much his identity as how much he should be trusted. While they bickered, Kuushou watched Danzo, who was in turn watching the proceedings silently.

Then one particular tidbit caught Kuushou's attention.

"Excuse me?" he interrupted. "Did you just say I _failed _the graduation test? _Twice?_" He wasn't entirely certain why that was brought up – something about lack of proper training – but it had nonetheless been stated.

The adults in the room turned to him once again.

"Yes, you did – well, Naruto did," the Hokage answered.

"_That _graduation exam. He _failed _that."

The Hokage nodded silently.

"Was he retarded? Suffered brain damage as a child? Lobotomized, perhaps?"

The Hokage, along with Homura and Koharu, just stared at him. Then he heard a small, rusty chuckle coming from Danzo. The man was shaking, his one remaining hand covering his mouth as he choked out his laughter. Kuushou got the impression that this man didn't laugh much. Or at all.

"Tell me, boy," Danzo said after a moment, his voice back to the monotone he had used earlier, "what makes you say that?"

"You mean besides the fact that I could have answered every single one of the questions on the written exam before the end of my first year? How about the ridiculously low standards for the strength portion? People were shocked that I could lift one hundred pounds, and apart from Chouji I didn't see a single person lift more than half that much!

"How about the speed trial, where twenty seconds was considered a _good _time? Kami, you didn't even ask me to demonstrate a jutsu apart from the Basic Three! For a while there I honestly thought it was the exams to move into second year!"

Homura and Koharu were making offended noises while the Hokage looked oddly thoughtful, but Danzo just stared at him. Kuushou stared back, wondering what was going on behind that expressionless mask.

Finally, Danzo smirked slightly, the expression looking every bit as odd and rusty as his laugh had sounded.

"I like him," he said, and left the office.

* * *

><p>Koharu and Homura left shortly afterwards, scurrying out of the office with annoyed expressions. With that interruption taken care of, the Hokage once more turned his attention to his young guest.<p>

"Now then, I believe we were about to discuss your graduation. Since you obviously have the skills to pass the exam and we have established that you are in fact Naruto, if not _our _Naruto, I see no problem with allowing you to become an official genin here."

Kuushou nodded silently.

"As for the team placements, we've built all of the teams according to class rankings, so you'll be placed on a squad with the Rookie of the Year and the Kunoichi of the Year."

Kuushou's face twitched.

"Meaning I was the..."

"Er, well, yes," the Hokage said, looking apologetic.

"Did my performance during the final exam not factor in?"

"It did, yes, and you scored the highest overall. Unfortunately, even with that, you were still ranked the lowest among those who managed to graduate."

Kuushou dropped his face into his hands, shaking his head. "Fine, whatever. So I'm on a team with Ino and... who?"

The Hokage's eyebrow raised. "Ino? Why would you be on a team with Ino?"

"You said the Kunoichi of the Year."

"Ino's grades placed her in the middle of the pack. Besides, she has been placed on a team with Shikamaru Nara and Chouji Akimichi."

Kuushou sighed, feeling the beginnings of a headache coming on.

"... alright, Hinata then. Who else?"

"Hinata Hyuuga's overall grades were also middle of the pack. Barely above average, actually."

"... what the fuck is wrong with this world? Who the hell _is _on my team?"

"Sakura Haruno and Sasuke Uchiha."

Kuushou relaxed a little. "Alright, I can work with that. Sasuke at least has his sharingan and should be able to keep up. I can help out with Sakura's medic training while she focuses on genjutsu. I can see that."

"Sasuke has not activated his sharingan yet, and Sakura has not received any medical training. Such skills are restricted to genin and above."

"... you didn't give the Clan Kids exemptions for that? _Please_ tell me they've at least started learning C-rank skills."

"The Clan Kids? What do you mean?"

Kuushou dropped his head against the desk with a loud thud. He banged it several times before raising his gaze to meet the Hokage's confused expression.

"No."

"No? No what?"

"I am _not_ playing babysitter to some fresh genin who haven't even _begun _learning C-rank skills. I will quit before I waste my time any further."

"I know you are much more skilled than our own Naruto, but that doesn't mean-"

"Obviously Inoichi didn't explain everything in detail, so let me clear things up for you.

"I was ready to graduate the Academy after a single year. I was trained personally by Itachi Uchiha for two years before he went batshit crazy. My chakra control is S-rank, my personal chakra reserves are S-rank, and my effective chakra reserves don't _have _a rank, because no one can actually measure them. I studied under Shizune for five years and am a fully accredited medic-nin, lacking only the experience to reach S-rank in that category.

"I received an exemption that allowed me to study all skills available to a genin after my first year in the Academy, which I used to great effect. I literally know every fuinjutsu I was allowed access to, and can produce them on command. I know a multitude of C-rank jutsu with an emphasis on wind and earth, and I can pump enough chakra into those jutsu to make them effective A-rank techniques if need be.

"In my own world, there was a group known as the Clan Kids, consisting of Ino, Hinata, Sasuke, Kiba, Shino, Shikamaru, Chouji, Sakura, and myself. For everything I accomplished, they were only one or two steps behind me. Ino in particular was in the top three in every category among our year. All of them were well-versed in their clan jutsu, and in Sakura's case she had been studying medical jutsu for two years; Hinata has been studying them for one. Sasuke has a fully matured sharingan. Shino, Chouji, Shikamaru, and Kiba were already working on their clan's B-rank techniques before they even graduated.

"Does _any _of that apply in this world?"

Mutely, the Hokage shook his head.

"Give me an alternative then. Promote me to chuunin immediately; I can pass any test you care to throw at me. Hell, you can apprentice me to someone who can actually teach me something useful. I don't care, as long as it isn't fucking D-ranks while my team perfects their water-walking."

"Water-walking isn't taught until-"

"Oh, for fuck's sake! How in Kami's name did you let those kids graduate?"

"I'm beginning to wonder that myself," the Hokage replied candidly. Then he grimaced. "No, I know exactly why. One thing Inoichi did mention is that the Kyuubi's attack in your world was thwarted much more quickly, and without any significant damage to the village itself. The loss of life also seems to have been significantly less.

"I don't know the current state of affairs in your own world, but in this one we haven't even recovered half of the losses we incurred that day. In order to remain functional we have had to significantly relax our standards in regards to graduates and allow them to learn in the field."

Kuushou sat back in his chair, shrugging. "That may be," he said, "but that doesn't change my position. Placing me on a genin team would be a waste of my talents. I want to be in the field, but I could just as easily become a seal master or enter the med-nin corps."

The Hokage shook his head. "Both would be valuable, but I agree that your particular talents would be best utilized in the field." He sighed, flipping through the papers on his desk. "I'll consider your request," he finally said.

Kuushou frowned, but decided not to push the point any further at the moment. If the old man ended up trying to put him on a genin team anyway, he'd probably just leave Konoha entirely. He had some concerns about his circumstances in this world as well; it might prove prohibitively difficult to regain the reputation he had cultivated, especially if everyone in the village already hated him. This situation had even more restrictions than his old one, with none of the benefits or reasons to remain in the village.

"In the meantime," Kuushou said, "what do I need to know about this world's Naruto?"

"Well..."

* * *

><p>Leaving was looking more and more attractive, Kuushou thought as he left the Hokage's office. He had quickly vetoed any suggestion that he pretend to be the old Naruto. Even if he could manage it – and he wasn't entirely sure he could, given how different Naruto was – the stigma this world's Naruto carried would interfere with his plans considerably. He needed to be taken seriously if he was going to accomplish anything, and acting like an idiot wasn't going to help. At the Hokage's insistence, he had agreed to at least try to make the transition from the old Naruto to his own personality gradual.<p>

And now he had to eat dinner at some food stand. How such a random thing could be a vital part of his cover he would never know.

"Hey, Teuchi-jiji," he called out, managing to make the unfamiliar name sound mostly natural.

"Naruto! I was beginning to think you weren't going to show up," the old man replied, smiling widely. "How did the exam go?"

"I passed, of course!" he stated, settling into a seat.

"Congratulations, Naruto-kun!" a girl called out.

"Thanks, Ayame-nee-chan!" he replied. He hoped this girl was Ayame, anyway. She was wearing an apron and was the only other person in the shop, so it seemed like a reasonable assumption.

"First round of ramen is free for our newly-minted Konoha ninja!" Teuchi proclaimed.

"Awesome!" Kuushou said, smiling, and began eating the bowl of food placed before him.

"Are you feeling alright, Naruto-kun?" Ayame asked after a few minutes. "You seem a little... subdued."

Kuushou felt like banging his head on the table again. He had a big fake smile plastered on his face and was eating quickly – he didn't have to fake that part at all, as the food was _damn_ good – but he still wasn't managing to behave like they expected Naruto to.

He placed the chopsticks down on top of the bowl and sighed. "It's just... I'm a ninja now, you know? It's been my dream for so long, but now that I've actually managed it... I guess... I guess I just realized that I needed to grow up."

Teuchi looked both proud and wistful, and Ayame bustled around the counter before pulling him into a tight hug. "Our very own ninja," she sighed, clutching him tighter.

Well, that seemed to have worked well enough.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I thought about putting him on the canon Team 7, but ultimately I couldn't justify it. I want him in Konoha at least through the Chuunin Exams, but if he had to spend any significant amount of time with canon!Sakura and canon!Sasuke, not to mention canon!Kakashi... someone would die. Painfully.**

**Might do that as an omake, if I can come up with something more interesting than:**

* * *

><p><strong>"Naruto-baka!" Sakura shouted, swinging her fist at his head. She blinked, staring at the hand painfully squeezing her own. She turned to berate Naruto further, but noticed that his eyes were no longer their normal blue.<strong>

**"Yeah, I'm done here," Naruto said.**

**Sakura didn't even have time to scream.**

* * *

><p><strong>"Yo!" Kakashi said, holding up his hand as he appeared in the middle of the clearing, leaves swirling around him. He was precisely three hours late, as he had been for every potential genin team before this one. The genin should be tired, hungry, and incredibly annoyed, and thus in a perfect condition to see them at their worst. Now they just had to work together in spite of all of that, and they'd be ready to join Konoha's forces.<br>**

**No one replied to his greeting.  
><strong>

**Frowning, he turned to chastise his team only to find a horrifying sight awaiting him.**

**Sasuke and Sakura were crumpled up at the base of a tree, their bodies twisted grotesquely and their unnaturally pale faces frozen in expressions of horror. In the grass before them, written in their life's blood, he saw a message waiting for him.**

**"Waited two hours and fifty seven minutes. Got bored. Decided to seek alternative employment. Consider this my resignation. Signed, Kyuubi."**

* * *

><p><strong>And so on, and so forth.<strong>

**If you guys have any ideas or requests, I'll consider them. I strive to do something original, but pretty much every variation of notTeam7 has been done at this point. I have one particular approach in mind that I would have a lot of fun writing (but has definitely been done before), but I could be swayed, especially if someone suggests something that strikes my fancy.**


	9. Swapping The Cage, Chapter 4

Kuushou was heading back to the apartment where he had first arrived when he heard a shrill whistle cut through the quiet night. His four ANBU stalkers – who had been following him ever since he left the Hokage's office – immediately broke off and headed towards the Hokage Tower at a furious pace.

Now that his attention had been drawn to it, he could sense a lot of ninja moving rapidly all over the village, most of them converging towards the Hokage Tower. There were a few isolated signatures moving about randomly, including one vaguely familiar one that seemed to be headed in his direction.

Shrugging, he continued walking towards his apartment. Until he had decided to actually leave the village, it was in his best interests to continue playing the loyal ninja; loyal ninja didn't take the first opportunity to sneak off to parts unknown in the middle of the night. They stayed right where their watchers expected them to be, looking normal and innocent.

That plan went out the window when the nearby chakra signature landed in front of him; it was Mizuki, the taijutsu instructor from the Academy. The man was panting lightly, and was carrying a very large scroll in a harness across his back.

"Naruto!" the man called out, an obviously fake smile twisting across his face. "Just the happy graduate I wanted to see!"

"Hello, sensei," Kuushou replied.

"I didn't get a chance to tell you earlier, but there's a special post-graduation test for promising graduates. If you perform well enough, ANBU may even take an interest in you! And everyone knows that ANBU are some of the best ninja in the village, right? That would be a major boon to anyone who wants to become Hokage!"

Kuushou just stared at the teacher before him.

Mizuki continued quickly, looking nervously around at the rooftops and shadows. "All you have to do to participate," he said, "is take one of these scrolls, find a test proctor wearing a white mask, and then keep the scroll away from them for as long as possible."

Here Mizuki pulled out a smaller scroll and tossed it towards him. Kuushou caught it reflexively, his eyes narrowing as he took in the incredibly complex security seal that kept the scroll closed. The security seal alone was far more advanced than anything he had ever been allowed access to before, which meant that the contents of the scroll were either even more advanced or highly sensitive.

Which implied that the scroll Mizuki was carrying was even more important.

It was also rather obvious that the man was lying through his teeth. He had stolen important documents and was now apparently trying to either pin the blame on Naruto or at least have him implicated as an accomplice. Kuushou didn't know how he had done it, but all of the rapidly moving signatures he could sense were heading in another direction entirely, which meant that as things stood Mizuki would likely make a clean getaway.

With the absence of his ANBU stalkers, it also meant that they were completely alone.

Kuushou's face lit up with an eager grin as he stepped forward. "Really, Mizuki-sensei?" he said excitedly. The teacher was only five feet away now, the perfect range for what he had in mind.

The only potential problem Kuushou saw was their current location. It was very close to the apartment and only two blocks from where the ANBU had left him behind. Then again, he didn't plan to leave any evidence after he was done.

Mizuki's grin widened, and he opened his mouth to reply.

Then two large stone hands burst out of the ground, one gripping his torso and pinning his arms to his sides with the other wrapped around his head, completely covering his mouth and nose.

Mizuki's eyes widened and his legs began to kick frantically, before another stone hand emerged to capture them as well.

"Really, Mizuki-sensei?" Kuushou said again, this time his voice mocking. "You honestly thought I would fall for that? No- don't answer," he said quickly, holding up one hand.

Mizuki's eyes widened even more as his oxygen began to run out and panic set in.

"Given everything I've heard about Naruto, he probably would have," Kuushou said disgustedly.

As Kuushou continued speaking, he quickly divested Mizuki of everything he was carrying, starting with the large scroll on his back. Now that he had a closer look, he could see the scroll was clearly labeled as the "Scroll of Forbidden Seals."

Kuushou whistled lowly.

"Impressive," he said. "How did you manage to get ahold of something like this?" He waited a moment, head cocked to the side curiously. "Fine then, don't say anything. Doesn't really matter anyway."

By the time Kuushou had removed all the pouches and scrolls from Mizuki's person, the teacher had lost consciousness. He reached into his pouch to pull out one of his empty sealing scrolls, only to curse when he realized he didn't actually have one with him. He was used to his own clothing and supplies, not the incredibly limited selection this world's Naruto kept at hand.

He also didn't have time to track down sealing paper and ink. He could already sense the ninja searching the village starting to spread out in a more thorough search pattern. Whatever diversion Mizuki had arranged had played out, it seemed.

He piled the scrolls up on the ground and created a bubble of earth around them; this way he could at least carry them with him while he took care of the evidence.

Stepping forward, he placed a hand on Mizuki's shoulder and then submerged into earth, taking his now deceased prisoner with him. After he had completely submerged, the street looked empty and entirely undisturbed, with no evidence that anything out of the ordinary had happened there at all.

Underneath the earth, Kuushou moved down at an angle, going deeper and deeper underground while moving away from his apartment. Once he estimated he was roughly under the middle of Konoha, he shifted his course until he was going straight down.

For anyone else, with the densely packed earth and rock and the complete lack of breathable air, such a journey would be impossible. Kuushou, however, could easily correct whatever damage his body suffered during his time beneath the surface. Even if the other ninja thought to look underground, they would never consider going deeper than a few dozen feet at most.

Roughly three minutes later, he was nearly a mile underground. He released Mizuki's body, satisfied that no one would ever find it this far underground and surrounded by solid rock. Even the Hyuuga would be unable to locate his corpse as it lacked an active chakra network.

Evidence disposed of, he began moving back towards the surface and the street he had recently vacated. The only angle he had left uncovered would be the Inuzuka and their ability to track by scent – and for that, he had planned to return to the surface a block further back and resume his walk to his apartment. With his scent stronger by several minutes than Mizuki's, it should appear as though they moved through the area at different times.

He stopped moving, frowning, as he realized there was another problem – he still had the scrolls with him, and he wasn't certain he would be able to seal them away before someone came looking for him or his ANBU stalkers returned.

He shook his head in exasperation as the solution came to him, and quickly fashioned a small, reinforced hollow in the earth nearby. Once he was satisfied that the small structure wouldn't collapse, he shoved the scrolls into it and headed straight up towards the surface. He cautiously poked his head out, quickly memorizing the area and his position so that he could return later, then resumed his underground trek.

Fifteen minutes later he had covered his tracks as thoroughly as he could and was lying in the shitty bed in his shitty apartment, "asleep". Tomorrow would see if he had actually gotten away with it or not, but even if his cover was blown it would be no great loss.

* * *

><p>The next day dawned bright and clear, and Kuushou was up and out of bed the moment the sun peeked over the horizon. He detested the time he was forced to spend pretending to sleep, but even in his own world no one was prepared to believe that he didn't require any rest at all.<p>

Knowing that he wasn't expected to perform any duties until a week later when the genin team assignments were announced, he made his way to the Konoha library, his ANBU stalkers in tow. They had returned roughly an hour after he entered the apartment, and a different team had taken over a few hours later.

"Out!" the librarian snapped the moment he walked in the door.

"What?" he asked, startled.

"I won't have any of your nonsense in here," the librarian said forcefully, moving out from behind her desk. She closed in, one hand pointing imperiously towards the exit and the other settling on his shoulder. "It took days to straighten everything out the last time you were allowed in. Pranks? Ha! More like vandalism," the old woman muttered angrily.

It was a close thing, but Kuushou allowed himself to be escorted out of the library, not yet prepared to make a scene. That said, the prospect of staying in this village was looking more and more uninviting.

Wandering the village as he pondered his situation, he idly made note of the changes from his own world. Some of the buildings were the same, but then there would be entire sections of different ones. The different buildings were always much newer, though, and housed mostly unfamiliar businesses. It took nearly an hour before he recognized that the newer buildings were concentrated in the middle of the village, with small, seemingly random offshoots in all directions.

He frowned thoughtfully, trying to imagine the scenario that would have led to him attacking the middle of the village rather than the places ninja were likely to gather, such as the Hokage Tower or the evacuation shelters in the Hokage Monument. It was possible that the portal to Makai just happened to open there, but he was close enough to sense it if that was the case, and he felt nothing.

Coming out of his musings, he was surprised to find himself standing outside the Yamanaka residence. This, at least, appeared unchanged from his own world, as the color scheme was the same and he could see the well-maintained flowerbeds that Kiku Yamanaka spent so much of her time and energy caring for.

While he was examining the yard, the front door opened and Inoichi Yamanaka exited the house. He had dark circles under his eyes and looked like he hadn't slept at all, but he was freshly bathed and had on clean clothing. He closed the door quietly behind him, then turned and caught sight of the boy standing in front of his house.

His expression was surprised and confused for a moment, but that quickly gave way to recognition and understanding.

"Ah, Naruto," he called out as he moved closer. "That's right, you were- um… yeah," he finished awkwardly.

"Hello, Yamanaka-san," Kuushou replied, his voice neutral.

Inoichi fidgeted for a moment, shifting his weight from one foot to the next and looking at his watch. "I don't have a lot of time," he said finally, "but… do you want to come in?"

Kuushou shrugged and nodded. He didn't have anything specific in mind yet, and Inoichi might prove a valuable resource in gaining information.

They settled down at the kitchen table after Inoichi poured two cups of lukewarm coffee. Kuushou could hear the shower running upstairs, which given the hour likely meant that Kiku was getting ready for the day; Ino had never been much of a morning person.

"I'm sorry about all this," Inoichi said suddenly. "After looking through your memories, I know how different things are here and how hard it must be to have everything taken away from you like that. When I saw how your life went in the other world… it makes me wonder… sorry," he said again, staring at his coffee.

Kuushou just shrugged, remaining silent. The silence continued for nearly a minute while Kuushou watched Inoichi start to say something several times only to end up stopping himself. He himself was wondering how to turn this conversation in a more useful direction. The man had started things off in highly emotional territory, and he saw no benefit to continuing that sort of discussion; he'd had enough therapy sessions already.

Then Ino entered the room.

"Naruto?" Ino asked, shocked. The blonde girl was currently wearing light purple pajama pants and a loose white shirt. She had clearly just woken up, since she was still rubbing her eyes and her hair was sticking up on one side of her head. "What are _you _doing here?" she asked, somehow managing to fill her voice with equal parts curiosity and annoyance.

After the reception he had received yesterday at the Academy, he wasn't at all surprised that he was unwelcome now. He had already mentally separated his own world's Ino from this poor mockery, noting the weaker, lethargic feeling of this girl's chakra compared to the real Ino's. Their signatures were still very similar, but this girl lacked the finely honed edge and larger - much larger, Kuushou noted wryly - reserves that Ino had acquired over the years.

Inoichi jerked in his seat, his eyes widening slightly before he turned to face his daughter. "Ino!" he barked, his voice harsh.

She recoiled, stunned at her father's tone. "What?" she asked quietly.

"Don't talk like that!" he reprimanded, though his tone had softened somewhat.

Ino looked confused, however. "It's just Naruto," she said, as if that explained everything. "What is he doing in our house so early, anyway? Did he prank you or something?"

Kuushou stood, tired of dealing with this crude imitation of his sister. "Thank you for the coffee," he said politely, then turned and headed for the door.

"Naruto…," Inoichi said, his voice soft.

Kuushou just waved his hand dismissively. "Like you said, it's different." He hid a small smirk as he left the room – given how Inoichi was behaving the man would likely seek him out to apologize again at some point relatively soon, which would be the perfect opportunity to extract something useful out of him. The man was highly placed in Konoha's ninja forces, after all, as well as a member of the Council.

Besides, his time with Inoichi had reminded him of when they first met, and the method by which he had been transferred from ANBU HQ to the Yamanaka residence following the first attack: the _henge no jutsu_.

If the people of this village didn't like Naruto, then let them deal with a complete stranger.

* * *

><p>Kuushou, disguised as a brown-haired brown-eyed fifteen year old, continued flipping through the book on Konoha's history. On first examination the overall history of the village had seemed similar to his own world, until he stumbled across the chapter titled, "The Valley of the End".<p>

… the what?

The chapter had included a map with the eponymous landmark highlighted clearly, but that only served to confuse him even more; there was no such valley in his world. Apparently Hashirama Senju, the only known user of the Wood-Release bloodline and Madara Uchiha, who had obtained the "ultimate form" of the sharingan, had fought over the title of Hokage and control of Konoha, and the Valley of the End marked the site of their battle.

Kuushou wasn't sure what "the ultimate form" referred to, but it seemed to be distinct from a fully matured sharingan. He'd never heard mention of it in his own world, but then Madara Uchiha hadn't fought the Shodaime in his world either. Shrugging, he continued reading.

The battle was so fierce that it literally rent the earth apart, especially when Madara Uchiha summoned and controlled the-

Kuushou snarled, the book twisting in his hands. This book dared claim that he would obey the whims of some insignificant human. The very thought was ludicrous; it was far more likely that he had happened across the battle and decided to attack one of the ninja involved. Then again, if that were the case neither would have survived – it _would_ explain the damage to the landscape, however.

His snarl turned into a frown as he noted the date. The battle had taken place nearly seventy years ago, which did not match up at all with the timing for his banishment and return.

Something was wrong with all of this.

* * *

><p>Two days later, days he had spent holed up in the library familiarizing himself with the differences between this world and his own, Kuushou found himself once again in the Hokage's office for another meeting.<p>

"Hello, Naruto-kun," the Hokage said. The old man seemed to have aged several years since they last met. His face was haggard and he looked very pale.

"Hey, Hokage-jiji," Kuushou replied. The Hokage seemed to perk up slightly at that.

"I understand that you have been spending a lot of time in the library," the Hokage began. "Have you found anything interesting?"

Kuushou raised one hand in the air and waved it back and forth slightly. "Somewhat," he replied. "I was rather surprised to find that Madara Uchiha had challenged the Shodaime for control of the village. That didn't happen in my world."

The Hokage just nodded thoughtfully. "His challenge failed in this world, so perhaps he was a little wiser or more cautious in your world."

"Perhaps," Kuushou shrugged. "The book also mentioned an 'ultimate form' of the sharingan... what is that?"

"Ah," the Hokage said, smiling slightly. "Supposedly the sharingan can improve beyond the three tomoe version that most consider the bloodline's fully matured state. No one other than Madara Uchiha has ever been reported to do so, however, so it was likely something unique to him or an exaggeration with no true basis in reality." His face darkened slightly as he spoke, but his tone remained light and conversational.

Kuushou hummed thoughtfully, but made no further comment.

The Hokage sighed, and leaned forward in his seat slightly. "I am told that you have spent the last two days constantly under a henge," the old man said. "May I ask why that is?"

Kuushou just shrugged. "It seemed easier if no one could recognize me as this world's Naruto," he said simply.

The old man sagged, his visage going from old to positively ancient. "I see," was all he said, however.

After a few seconds, the Hokage shook off whatever odd mood he was in and straightened once again. "The reason I asked you to meet with me," he said, "regards your placement within Konoha's forces. I have considered your request and various suggestions, but I feel that I need more information before I can make a final decision. To that end, I have arranged something of an exhibition that will allow me to get a firmer grasp on your skills."

"Alright," Kuushou replied, not really caring one way or another. "When?"

"We can begin in twenty minutes, if you are ready."

* * *

><p>"The first test regards your knowledge of seals," the Hokage said, motioning to the table placed nearby. "Please craft one sealing scroll, one exploding tag, and one other seal of your choice. You have thirty minutes."<p>

Kuushou stared at him for a long moment, one eyebrow raised, before shaking his head and moving over to the table. Thirty minutes to craft three standard tags was far too much time; it seemed they were still underestimating his skill; or, worse, in this world that was how long they expect it to take.

The training ground – thirteen, if he remembered correctly – was relatively isolated and rarely used as it had no distinctive features and contained outdated equipment. It was currently half-filled with various spectators and ninja, ranging from Konoha's Council – which, in a change that thoroughly confused Kuushou when he had read about it, consisted solely of the Hokage's two teammates – to two chuunin that he didn't recognize to a med-nin he vaguely recalled from his time at the hospital. There were several ANBU scattered around, and he could pick out Kakashi Hatake's signature nearby as well.

Several clan heads were also in attendance, including Inoichi Yamanaka, Hiashi Hyuuga, and Shikaku Nara, who was the Jounin Commander in this world as well. The people observing this so-called exhibition were currently talking quietly amongst themselves and paying little attention to him other than the occasional glance to judge his progress.

He arranged a piece of chakra paper on the table, picked up a brush, then paused.

"This isn't chakra ink," he said.

"What do you mean, Naruto-kun?" the Hokage asked curiously, turning away from his conversation.

Kuushou frowned, annoyed. "I mean exactly what I said. This is normal ink, not chakra ink."

The Hokage moved over to the table and picked up the ink well, then frowned. "You are correct," he said, annoyed. He turned to the chuunin standing nearby. "Why were the proper materials not prepared?"

"It was a test, Hiruzen," Koharu interjected smoothly. "If he couldn't recognize the difference between normal ink and chakra ink, then he clearly isn't as skilled as he claimed."

Kuushou waited for the Hokage to verbally reprimand his teammate for changing the test without his consent or going behind his back and undermining his authority... but no such thing happened. Instead, the Hokage frowned, then turned back to the chuunin.

"I trust you have the ink?" he asked.

The chuunin quickly nodded and placed another bottle on the table. Kuushou picked it up and confirmed that it was, in fact, chakra ink.

With that done, he focused on crafting the required seals. His hands moved in deft, graceful strokes as he created the storage seal with practiced ease. It was such a simple seal compared to some of the arrays he had studied – it required neither signature-recognition nor proximity arrays as security seals did. The version he personally preferred added endurance and water-proofing arrays as well as a larger storage capacity, but even that was less complex than the most basic security seals.

Thirty-seven seconds after he first set brush to paper, he finished the seal with a small flourish; he had opted to create the tag he preferred, and would ask to keep the tag and sealing supplies after the test was concluded.

He pulled over the next sheet of paper and began working on the exploding tag. These were even simpler to create: chakra storage array, chakra-triggered timer array, chakra-triggered adhesion array, and done. That one only took fourteen seconds. He snorted softly, amused; he could have done it even faster if he had left off the adhesion array, which technically wasn't required for the most basic version of the exploding tag.

He paused, tapping the handle of the brush against his chin thoughtfully. There were a number of seals he could create at this point, but they would undoubtedly want something that could be demonstrated immediately.

Once he had decided, he pulled over the next sheet of paper and began, finishing with another flourish thirty-one seconds later.

He turned around to inform the Hokage that he was finished, only to find the crowd staring at him silently. Raising an eyebrow curiously, he calmly announced, "Done."

"That was... very quick, Naruto-kun," the Hokage said.

"It's not like you asked for anything complicated."

He heard the chuunin behind him make a strangled sound and noted several surprised looks among those watching; Inoichi looked proud, oddly enough.

"Well then, I suppose we should verify that they were crafted correctly," Homura intoned, adjusting his glasses slightly.

"Yes, sir," the chuunin next to the table said. Kuushou turned around to observe as the ninja picked up the three papers, shuffling through them slowly and squinting at the fine lines that made up the arrays. He kept comparing them to sheets he had brought with him, which Kuushou noted contained a detailed explanation of the most basic versions of the sealing scroll and exploding tag.

"None of these are right," he finally announced.

"Wait, wait," Kuushou said quickly, turning back to the Hokage. "Did he graduate after the Academy reforms?"

The Hokage blinked, then nodded.

"Yeah... I don't think so," he said, snatching the seals out of the chuunin's hands. "These aren't the most basic versions possible, which is what you're comparing them to. Allow me to demonstrate that these are, in fact, crafted correctly. First, the storage seal."

With a few deft movements he had placed the storage seal on the table and moved the sealing brush and ink, as well as the rest of the paper on top of it. A tiny puff of smoke later and the materials had vanished. Another puff, and they were back.

"Second, the exploding tag."

He jogged across the field, slapping it on a tree of the far side of the clearing. A small flare of chakra later and he darted back across the field, moving much more quickly.

"Why did you place it that far-" the chuunin began to ask snidely, clearly annoyed at having his judgment questioned by a "genin".

A resounding boom echoed throughout the clearing as the tag detonated. The shockwave hit a moment later, ruffling clothing and hair and causing the ninja to instinctively crouch into defensive stances. A few seconds after that and bits of debris began to rain down into the clearing.

The tree was simply gone.

"Third – and a personal favorite – the paralysis tag."

"Wha-" the chuunin started, only to find the tag being pressed against his forehead. A moment later he had collapsed to the ground limply.

"So," Kuushou asked rhetorically, "which one of those did I mess up again?" He then turned back to the Hokage, who looked oddly pleased. "What's next?"

"Release him this instant!" Koharu barked. "You are assaulting a Konoha ninja!"

"You mean he wasn't there to help with the demonstration?" Kuushou asked, sounding genuinely surprised. "He obviously wasn't there for his sealing knowledge, though that does make me wonder why he was the one judging the seals... Besides, that tag isn't a constant application type. It's a one-shot that will wear off in an hour or so."

He noted that Danzo had that tiny little smirk on his face again, but his attention was distracted by Inoichi, he appeared to be having a coughing fit. He wasn't fooling anybody though, judging by the sour looks on Koharu and Homura's faces or the smirk on Shikaku's.

"So anyway, what's next?"

The Hokage was definitely smiling now. "We'll be testing your medical knowledge next."

Kuushou turned to look at the chuunin again. The paralyzed ninja's eyes – the only thing he could move at the moment – widened dramatically.

"Well, if he's not the test dummy, then how am I doing that?"

The med-nin stepped forward. "Since it is not feasible to give you a live patient to work on, I will be asking you a series of questions to establish what you know, and outlining a few injuries that you will then describe how to treat." Her tone was bored, and she had a dubious expression on her face that clearly said she expected nothing to come of this.

Twenty minutes later, she had lost track of the exam entirely and was picking his brain for the details of a particular technique he had casually mentioned.

"So _that's _how you prevent chakra buildup while isolating a limb for treatment. We had a case recently where we nearly lost the leg entirely because we had to repeatedly stop surgery to allow the excess chakra to filter back through the wounded leg. Who taught you how to do that?"

"Shi-"

The Hokage coughed loudly, interrupting their conversation. "I think that is sufficient to establish his credentials, don't you?"

"Credentials? Whoever trained this boy is an absolute genius! When can he start?"

"Pardon?" the Hokage asked.

"He's working at the hospital, isn't he? It would be a crime to let someone like him get away!"

"That is under consideration," the Hokage said vaguely. "Thank you for your time, that concludes your part in these proceedings."

The med-nin huffed indignantly, but – after repeated threats that she would hunt Naruto down herself if need be – finally left the clearing.

"Well then, let's move on to the combat portion, shall we?" the Hokage said happily.

The other chuunin moved into the middle of the clearing, stretching his arms slightly and twisting his body to loosen up.

"Rules?" Kuushou asked, moving to join the chuunin.

"Any non-lethal attacks are allowed. Your performance will be judged according to how long you last against your opponent."

Kuushou paused, turning back to face the Hokage. "When did _this _one graduate?"

The Hokage grimaced. "Four years ago."

Kuushou just sighed and shook his head. "Start whenever," he said, not even bothering to get into a stance.

His chuunin opponent scowled at being taken so lightly. When the Hokage called for the match to start, the chuunin rushed forward, arm raised to deliver a strong blow to the arrogant blonde who was facing him.

Two seconds later, the chuunin was on the ground gasping for air. One second after that, and he had been rendered completely unconscious.

Kuushou turned to look at the gathered crowd, finding that everyone, even the Hokage, looked slightly stunned at the ease with which he had taken out the chuunin.

Everyone, that is, but Danzo.

"Sarutobi," the old man said, hobbling forward slightly. "If you don't mind, there's someone I have in mind that might make a more appropriate opponent for the boy."

The Hokage turned to look at the crippled ninja, raising one eyebrow curiously.

"Who would that be?"

"One of the ninja I sponsored through the Academy," Danzo replied, making a subtle motion with his hand. A moment later there was someone kneeling next to him, a slim, pale boy who appeared roughly twelve years old. He wore a short black jacket and black pants and had a small backpack. He also had a small sword attached to his back, the hilt sticking up over his shoulder.

"That's a good idea," Homura said, adjusting his glasses once again. "That battle wasn't sufficient to get a true measure of the boy's skill. The chuunin allowed himself to be taunted into attacking recklessly, nothing more."

The Hokage glanced in his direction, and Kuushou just shrugged. Honestly, he was rather curious about what Danzo was up to – it was becoming obvious that the old man had a lot of influence in Konoha, which made it that much stranger that Kuushou had never once heard of the man before.

"Very well then," the Hokage said slowly. "Same rules as before."

Kuushou faced off in the middle of the clearing once again, staring at the expressionless boy across from him. This was another chakra signature he didn't recognize, and he certainly hadn't gone to the Academy with him. There seemed to be quite a few people popping up that seemingly didn't exist in his own world.

"Begin!" the Hokage called out.

Kuushou waited for his opponent to make the first move, but it seemed his opponent was doing the same. After a few seconds, he saw the boy's hand lift towards his sword. Then he felt the precisely controlled surge of chakra and his eyes widened.

Shoving chakra into his limbs, he twisted sideways, narrowly avoiding the blade as it sliced through the air. His own hands blurred in a counterattack, trying to grab the boy's arm with one hand while the other aimed towards his elbow, intending to break the boy's dominant arm.

Instead he found a knee planted in his stomach and a kunai stabbing through his hand. He let himself get thrown backwards, rolling quickly to his feet after he landed. His opponent was already charging forward, blade held close to his body. Each step the boy took was balanced and sure, and his movement was smooth.

Kuushou found himself grinning; even among the Clan Kids there was no one who pressed him quite like this. There was always a certain reticence in their spars, especially as they grew older. They each knew techniques that could kill or maim all too easily, and they held themselves to certain limits even as they pushed each other harder and harder.

This boy had no such limits. That first attack may not have killed him, but it would have sliced deeply into his shoulder. Even the kunai sticking out of his hand, a serious but hardly fatal injury, was something the other Clan Kids would never have done.

When the pale boy was close enough, Kuushou quickly ripped the kunai out of his hand and flung it in one smooth motion, then darted forward quickly. The boy responded well, knocking the kunai out of the air with his blade, but he wasn't entirely prepared for Kuushou's attack.

Kuushou landed a punch in the boy's stomach and a kick to the side of his knee. The sword swung back in his direction, but he slipped under it, twisting his body harshly, and a moment later he was behind his opponent. Another kick to the same knee had the boy stumbling, but the sword was jabbing backwards with shocking speed and Kuushou had to jump away to avoid being impaled.

By the time he had landed the boy was back on his feet, sword held before him defensively. The boy's expression hadn't changed the entire battle. Realizing he was likely outmatched in melee, especially given how skillfully the boy was wielding that _tanto_, Kuushou raised his hands before him and prepared to begin adding ninjutsu to his assault.

"Enough!" the Hokage barked. The pale boy immediately lowered his blade and turned to face the Hokage, and Kuushou reluctantly dropped his hands as well. Figures that the old man would end the fight just as he was about to have some fun.

"ANBU, take Naruto to the hospital to get his wound treated."

"Why?" Kuushou asked, even as he felt an ANBU appear beside him. "I've already taken care of it."

"What?" the Hokage spluttered.

Kuushou wiped the remaining blood off on his orange pants and held up the previously injured hand. Sure enough, there was no gaping hole where the kunai had stabbed through it. In fact, there was no sign of injury at all.

* * *

><p>After the end of the evaluation, Kuushou had returned to the Hokage's office where he now sat, waiting impatiently for the Hokage to get to the point.<p>

"I must admit, Naruto-kun, that I had not expected something that... impressive. Your ability to heal yourself even in the heat of battle was particularly surprising. I did note, however, that your taijutsu, while effective, was not nearly as polished as your other skills."

Kuushou shrugged; it was true enough, after all. He was stronger and faster than most of his peers – and apparently most of the older ninja in this world as well, judging by the chuunin he faced – but against a true taijutsu specialist he inevitably found himself outmatched. Taijutsu required a level of familiarity and control over one's own body that he could not manage – and, given his unique circumstances, he likely never would, as the body in question was not his own.

He wasn't particularly concerned about it, though. If he found himself seriously threatened by someone who fought that close to him, he merely needed to manifest his youki and the threat would be easily dealt with. Any opponents he couldn't defeat physically he would simply deal with in another manner.

"Given what I've seen today, I think I have a solution to your concerns."

Kuushou straightened in his seat. It seemed the old man was going to place him somewhere other than on a genin team after all.

"There are two parts to this. For the first part, I would like you to train your fellow graduates in one-on-one sessions to increase their skills and give them experience fighting someone of your caliber. I believe you mentioned the group known as the Clan Kids... you would know better than anyone what those kids are truly capable of, and I want you to help bring them up to that level."

Kuushou frowned. "That's even worse than being on a genin team," he pointed out.

"For the second part," the Hokage continued, "you will be given a provisional promotion to chuunin and paired with another ninja who will take missions with you and evaluate you in the field. Depending on your performance both teaching and in the field, I will fully promote you to chuunin and allow you to participate in the tokubetsu jounin trials at your discretion."

Kuushou leaned back in his chair, considering the offer. It sounded good on the surface, but the details were actually incredibly vague and essentially allowed the Hokage to do as he wished.

"Let's talk specifics," Kuushou responded. "I will do three-hour sessions twice a day four days a week, one for each of the Clan Kids. Each session will count as a C-rank mission with matching pay. I will continue those sessions until you feel satisfied _or _until each of them has reached B-rank combat ability, at which point I may continue or cease the sessions as I see fit. I also reserve the right to stop the training sessions if I feel the student is not putting forth their best effort or is refusing to listen to me."

"Four hour sessions, paid as a D-rank," the Hokage replied, grinning slightly. "You also have to bring concerns about the student's attitude to me first, and keep trying for at least four sessions."

"One hour sessions, once a day," Kuushou shot back. If he was going to stay in Konoha, he definitely wasn't going to do so in that shitty apartment. He also needed clothing, equipment, supplies... everything, basically, and a lot of it was quite expensive as he refused to compromise on quality.

"Four hour sessions, C-rank pay per week."

Kuushou weighed that mentally. The average C-rank was worth twenty D-ranks, but eight hours a day for four days would tie up a lot of his time. On the other hand, if the kids were performing exercises or practicing moves it wasn't like he couldn't study other materials or work on his own skills.

"Four hour sessions, C-rank pay every two days," he finally replied.

The Hokage's smile widened. "Deal."

"How are you going to handle the scheduling with their duties as genin?"

"I've already got that covered," the Hokage replied smugly. "Each team traditionally has two days off each week if they aren't away on a mission, and the training sessions will be scheduled on those days."

Kuushou nodded, satisfied with that arrangement for now. "Now then, about my own missions. Obviously if I'm going to be teaching the Clan Kids that means I can't take a lot of long-term missions on my own. I would also have to match my schedule with whatever observer you have in mind, which makes things even harder."

The Hokage nodded again. "As for your observer," he said, "I had planned to assign them an A-rank mission to evaluate you on your own missions, which would eliminate any scheduling issues. The observer would also get half of your mission pay for the duration of the evaluation, which would make up for the longer than normal duration of the A-rank."

Kuushou scoffed. "Half? If I'm going to be doing missions, I'll be getting _all _of my pay. You can pay them for the mission separately."

"It may be necessary for the observer to step-in should things get out of hand, which means you aren't really performing the mission by yourself."

"_If _that should happen, you can take a quarter of my pay to compensate them. Otherwise, all of it goes to me."

The Hokage nodded. "Fair enough."

"Now, what happens if my observer is unable to go on missions for some reason? I'm not going to twiddle my thumbs doing nothing just because they aren't around."

"Should that happen, you can request another observer for a specific mission. I imagine most of the ninja eligible would view it as a pretty easy mission on their part."

"I can accept that," Kuushou said. "As for my advancement to full chuunin, I will be promoted after completing five C-ranks and a single B-rank."

"Fifteen and three," the Hokage replied.

"Five and two. Keep in mind that these will be effectively solo missions."

"Ten and two."

"... with the option to treat additional B-ranks as three C-ranks."

"And the observer makes the call as to whether you are prepared for the B-ranks," the Hokage said firmly.

Kuushou frowned. "Only if they can't veto all B-ranks indefinitely."

"If you think they are intentionally holding you back, you may bring it up with me and I will look into it. If I find that to be the case, I will assign you an appropriate B-rank personally."

"Acceptable," Kuushou said finally. "I suppose the only question left is... who is the observer you had in mind?"

The Hokage pulled a slim folder out of his desk and handed it across. "A tokubetsu jounin named Anko Mitarashi."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: This chapter is mostly setting the stage for the rest of the fic. Kuushou will be remaining in Konoha for the time being, as outlined above. **

**As I dealt with the Mizuki Incident, I realized that I'd never seen a fic where someone succeeded in stealing the Forbidden Scroll at that point in the story; or rather, where the scroll is lost and Konoha believes the thief got away somehow. Exploring the potential fallout of that, both in and out of Konoha, will be rather interesting, I think.**

**As for ****Koharu and Homura's roles... I honestly believe that their behavior here is consistent with what canon implies. They may respect their teammate on some level, but they have little respect for his authority or judgment, and seem to be much closer to Danzo politically. Except for the butterfly effect introduced by Kuushou (and that little thing is flappin' somethin' mighty now), I'm trying to keep everything as close to canon as possible. That will inevitably involve some judgment calls on my part, as well as some assumptions and extrapolation.**

**As I mentioned earlier, I'm also sticking to the single PoV for the whole story and that's already forcing me to stretch my writing muscles a bit as I try to convey what's going on with the missing scroll without the PoV getting any actual information.**

**The next chapter for this will probably be a while, as I'm going to focus mainly on TEC until Part 2 is done and possibly throw in another chapter or two for Less Than Common.**

**Revised: 01/18/2012 - grammar, typos, tweaked the evaluation scene  
><strong>


	10. The Bonus Cage, Omake 01

-Kuushou Conquers The World, Medical Edition-

(Crack, Humor, Not Canon)

"You seem to be in a foul mood, Ino-nee-chan," Kuushou observed, eying the girl warily.

Ino growled at him, looking unusually fierce. "You try going through this every month!" she snapped.

Kuushou blinked for a moment, then said, "Ah, I see." He walked over to her and placed one hand on her stomach, lifting it a moment later. "Is that better?"

Ino opened her mouth to reply, then stopped, an odd expression on her face. "You just... there's a medical jutsu for that?"

"Not exactly, no, but I have an advantage in that regard."

Ino blinked a few times, her mouth opening and closing rapidly. Then she tackled him in a hug. "Best. Brother. Ever!"

* * *

><p>"Um... Naruto-kun, is it true that you c-can, um, help with certain m-monthly problems?" Hinata asked hesitantly, her face nearly glowing red.<p>

"Sure, Hinata-chan," Kuushou replied easily. A few seconds later some of the tension drained out of Hinata's frame and she let out a small sigh.

"T-thank you," she said.

* * *

><p>"Naruto!" Sakura and Tenten called out as they charged into the Yamanaka household.<p>

* * *

><p>"Blondie!" Anko exclaimed as she hooked her arm around his neck.<p>

* * *

><p>Kuushou stepped back, feeling oddly unsettled at the intense looks Shizune and the female portion of her medical team were giving him.<p>

* * *

><p>"Hokage-jiji, why did you pull me off of active duty?"<p>

"Certain portions of the Council felt that letting you into the field represented an unnecessary risk of Konoha's vital resources. Speaking of which, here is your schedule for the day."

Kuushou took the piece of paper slowly, noting that it accounted for every minute of his day from dawn to dusk.

"And here," the Hokage continued, handing him a smaller slip of paper, "is your portion of the mission fee."

Kuushou's eyes widened as he took in the number on the slip. "That much for one day?"

The Hokage grinned, a feral gleam in his eye. "Oh no, that's for all the treatments you performed up to now. We have raised the price substantially starting today, and are still having to turn people away."

A grin began to creep along Kuushou's face, matching the Hokage's expression. "Really..."

* * *

><p>"Ah, Naruto-san, it's a pleasure to meet such a fine example of Konoha's ninja forces in person," the Fire Lord said effusively, smiling widely.<p>

"The pleasure is all mine, My Lord," Kuushou replied smoothly.

"Now then, I understand you had a request that you wished to discuss in exchange for your unique services?"

"Yes, My Lord. You see, the sheer demand on my time has become far more than I can keep up with myself, yet my technique is not something that just any ninja can perform."

"Yes," the Fire Lord replied, "that is a serious problem."

"However, there _do _exist ninja who meet the requirements for this particular jutsu. It would seem wise to seek out their assistance so that everyone in Fire Country, and perhaps even other countries, may benefit... for the proper fee, of course."

"Of course," the Fire Lord nodded. "Just who are these ninja you speak of?"

"Tell me, My Lord, what do you know of jinchuuriki?"

* * *

><p>Gaara blinked slowly, processing what the strange blond boy had just explained.<p>

"He'll do it!" Temari suddenly shouted, startling her siblings.

* * *

><p>"I can do that?" Yugito shrieked, whirling on the tall man beside her. "Why the fuck did no one tell me I could do that? Do you have <em>any idea <em>how bad it gets with this furball stuck in my gut?" She seized hold of his shirt and began shaking him back and forth.

"Calm down, Yugito, if I knew I would have said so!"

"Teach me _right now!_" the girl snarled, releasing her companion and grabbing hold of Kuushou instead.

Kuushou just grinned. "Then you won't mind signing this little agreement first," he said smoothly.

* * *

><p>Nagato blinked, staring at his blue-haired companion as she glared back at him. She stalked towards him and hissed lowly, "What you <em>meant <em>to say, was 'yes, that's a perfectly reasonable idea and I would love to take part', _right_?"

Encased in paper as he was, he could do nothing but nod his head.

* * *

><p>"Young man," Yagura said, standing in a non-threatening manner and speaking calmly. "This may be difficult to understand, but I share the same burden as you do and I came here to warn you about a group that is targeting our kind."<p>

"Oh, hey Kounori," Kuushou said idly, looking up from his book. "I was wondering where you had gotten off to."

Yagura blinked. "What? … But, how can- … Really?" He turned back to Kuushou. "Well, that changes things. Still, I have spent the last several years gathering information that will help in our struggle."

"Already taken care of," Kuushou replied easily. He stood and moved to his desk, pulling out a small sheet of paper.

Yagura spluttered. "I don't think you understand what you are facing."

"I've already met up with all the others, and we have established an exchange program of sorts. The Sage Jiraiya has been tasked with modifying our seals to my specifications by the Hokage. You may have heard of the newly formed Elemental Alliance? I, and those I designate as key members of my group, enjoy special status in all of the Elemental Nations as part of our treaty with the Alliance. You were the last one left, actually."

Yagura's jaw dropped open. "But... all that time..."

"Anyway, turns out Mei Terumi – that would be your successor – only signed the treaty on the condition that you were returned, alive and unharmed, to Kiri as soon as you were found. All you need to do is learn one technique from me and sign this contract. Or rather, Kounori needs to learn the technique - you just need to stay out of her way while she's working. Once you're back in Kiri, you'll have to keep up with your appointments but you'll be free to do as you like otherwise. That doesn't help much at the moment, but I'm currently working on creating a tag that we can mass produce to relieve some of the strain."

Yagura shook himself and picked up the form. "... what sort of technique is this?"

"The most valuable technique in all of the Elemental Nations," Kuushou said, smirking.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Yeah, basically pure crack born from a very small plot bunny. Still, now I actually have an omake in The Filing Cabinet, rather than just the beginnings of other stories.**

**I am working on the next chapter of Swapping the Cage (along with TEC, of course), but I'm not quite happy with it yet. That may be posted later tonight, maybe not.  
><strong>


	11. Swapping The Cage, Chapter 5

The Hokage was true to his word, Kuushou found, as less than two hours later he was meeting his "observer" in order to begin his first C-rank mission. The Hokage had also been persuaded to include a set of C-rank ninja gear, so Kuushou was finally equipped with a set of kunai, ninja wire, rations, and all the other odds and ends that made up the basic ninja field pack. It was still a far cry from what he normally carried, but much better than what Naruto had kept in his apartment.

Kuushou had spent his time crafting a wide variety of seals, using up all of the ink and paper he had available. He now had storage scrolls, a small set of exploding tags, paralysis seals, a couple of basic security seals, three sets of proximity tags, and one chakra dampening tag.

His decision to take over one of the small, unoccupied tables around the edge of the mission office had also paid off. One of Konoha's rookie seal crafters had seen him at work and asked to study the storage scroll. This particular chuunin apparently had enough humility that he didn't care if he was learning from a ninja several years his junior. A few minutes of negotiating later and Kuushou had secured a source of free sealing supplies in exchange for a couple of lessons and some sample sealing arrays.

Kuushou was once again stretching his senses trying to identify the ninja he had known in his own world that appeared to be missing in this one. The Hokage had explained the situation with Tsunade and her apprentice, but Kuushou hadn't dared ask about Dragon, as he had no way of explaining how he knew the ANBU Commander was missing. Hinata's mother appeared to be absent as well, leaving him to wonder if they had died during his attack in this world.

"So, brat, I hear you think you're hot shit," Anko said as she approached. Kuushou had to give credit to the Hokage for his choice – Anko was one of the few who knew that he was not this world's Naruto, which would simplify their relationship immensely.

That didn't mean she couldn't be incredibly grating at times, especially when she put her mind to it. He hadn't interacted with her often prior to this, but their meetings had been... memorable.

"What mission are we taking first?" Kuushou asked, ignoring Anko's taunt.

She smirked slightly, then held up a green scroll tied with a blue ribbon. "Border check-in, quick and dirty," she responded. "We take messages and supplies from here, run to the border, deliver them, get any messages they want to send, run back. Think you can handle it?"

Kuushou just raised an eyebrow. "Do I need to be awake for this?"

Anko barked a laugh and shoved him towards the door. "Not bad, brat. We'll see if you can back that mouth of yours up."

* * *

><p>"Are we the only ones working the entire fucking border?" Kuushou shouted as he danced around a lance of water and retaliated with a kunai that lodged in the Kiri missing ninja's throat.<p>

"-son of a fucking goddamn goat-sucking-" Anko continued to yell as she directed her snake summons to harass their other opponents while she made short work of an Iwa missing-nin.

"I know standards have slipped, but you'd think something as simple as 'don't let them cross that line' wouldn't be so hard, right?"

"-two-bit back-stabbing scab-covered leech-infested-"

Kuushou's eye twitched as he felt another missing-nin closing in from the south.

The two of them had reached the border yesterday, only to quickly discover that something was wrong. The guards at the camp they were supposed to report to had hastily vacated the area at least an hour before their arrival, though not before killing a few missing-nin.

Anko had insisted on tracking down the missing team to see if they needed support, but that plan lasted all of thirty minutes before they found themselves fighting a group of bandits, then low-ranking missing-nin, then _more _bandits. It had taken nearly an hour before they had managed to figure out that word had gotten out about the theft of the Forbidden Scroll and that _everyone _wanted to get their hands on it.

To make matters worse, all of the would-be thieves apparently felt that any battle was a sure sign that _that _group had the Forbidden Scroll and that they merely needed to kill everyone else to claim it.

Anko had initially insisted that he stay back and allow her to handle any ninja they wound up facing – that had lasted until she found herself facing off against seven different missing-nin from three different groups, all of them apparently attracted by the chakra being thrown around.

She hadn't actually asked for help even then – nor, if Kuushou was honest, did she really need it given the caliber of her opponents – but she certainly hadn't complained when his Earth Style: Skewering Spire technique took out two of the ninja attempting to flank her. She hadn't said a word about him staying out of the battles after that.

There had been lulls, of course; sometimes they didn't have to fight anyone for several hours. Inevitably, however, either he or Anko would detect another group trying to sneak across the border. It was during the first lull that they found the slaughtered remains of the border patrol they were supposed to meet, the ninja skewered by a seemingly endless number of senbon needles.

Anko's banter had stopped at that point, vanishing to reveal a shockingly serious persona that Kuushou wouldn't have believed her capable of. She had swept over the scene of the battle swiftly and thoroughly, then summoned one of her snakes. She had paused, staring at him contemplatively for several seconds, before nodding to herself and sending her snake out of the clearing to follow the trail.

Kuushou's respect for the kunoichi had gone up several notches once they had caught up with the ninja who had killed the patrol.

_Kuushou and Anko sat high in the trees above the clearing, stealthily observing the three ninja who were making camp below. They appeared to be Ame missing-nin judging by their forehead protectors and gear. Kuushou signaled to her using ANBU code, startling the tokubetsu jounin slightly before she responded in kind._

Attack, Plan, Question, _he signed._

Wait, Sleep, _she replied. A moment later she added another sign, her movements sharp and emphatic: _Mine.

_They continued to wait until two of the ninja had retired to their bedrolls and only one remained awake to patrol the clearing. Anko shimmied down the tree quickly and silently, using absolutely no chakra to betray her presence as she did so. _

_She waited for several minutes, silent and still, for the patrolling ninja to move closer to her. Once he was in range, she struck, plunging a senbon deep into the ninja's neck then carefully easing the suddenly limp body to the ground._

_Kuushou was surprised to find that the ninja was still alive, and for a moment believed that the woman intended to capture the ninja for interrogation._

_That belief lasted until she had similarly disabled the other two ninja and arranged them all in the middle of the clearing. She stuck each with another senbon, and after a few seconds their eyes fluttered open. Their bodies remained still and they made no sound, however._

"_I don't have time to do this properly," Anko said. "We've got a lot of other fish to fry, it seems. Still, I have long enough to make my point."_

_She ran through a series of handseals and summoned up a small snake. This one seemed to have scales covering every color in the rainbow and shimmered in the dim light as it coiled around itself._

"_It has been a long time, Anko-sama," the snake hissed quietly._

"_That it has, Itami," she said. She pulled out another senbon, fingering it slowly as she stared at the paralyzed ninja._

"_For your crimes against the village of Konoha, you are hereby sentenced to death," Anko told them. "Execution shall be carried out immediately." She glanced at the snake coiled at her feet. "Bite each of them once, in the foot."_

"_As you wish, Anko-sama," the snake hissed before slithering forward. After the snake had administered the bite, Anko stuck each of the ninja with the senbon._

"_You bitch," one of the ninja growled as he began to regain control of his limbs, "I'm going to kill you for this."_

"_Why did you release them?" asked Kuushou curiously._

_Anko's eyes were dark as she stared at them, unconcerned as they slowly struggled to their feet. "So I could hear them scream," was her answer._

_A moment later, the ninja doubled over and an agonized yell tore its way out of their throats. They collapsed to the ground, rolling back and forth as their cries slowly died off._

"_Don't fuck with Konoha," Anko spat once the last of them had stopped moving._

Her viciousness in reacting to threats was almost inspiring, and reminded him of his own responses at times; she seemed quite loyal to Konoha, however, which was a shame.

After that she had returned to her previous persona and they had tracked down as many of the bandit groups and missing-nin as they could. They had definitely stayed longer than their mission called for, but they had been far from idle. During the first day they had taken out three more bandit groups and an even dozen missing-nin, the majority of them C-rank but with two B-rank mixed in.

They had spent the night in the wilderness, taking turns keeping watch and remaining wary of even more missing-nin attempting to enter the Land of Fire. Kuushou didn't particularly care either way, but this mission was proving to be very useful in impressing his observer and would likely remove any doubts as to his abilities. The night had passed without incident, but the next day had revealed that the previous encounters were only the leading wave of opportunistic bandits and ninja scouring the Land of Fire for any sign of the Forbidden Scroll.

And now they were in the middle of an increasingly absurd battle as ninja and bandits targeted them and each other in an attempt to seize control of an object that wasn't even there. None of them were particularly skilled or dangerous, but sheer numbers and and chaos sufficed where individual merit did not. With yet another ninja charging in to join the battle, Kuushou had had enough.

He dispatched the closest enemy to give himself time to prepare, then knelt down and gathered up a handful of earth. His chakra was hard at work condensing and hardening the dirt as he rapidly repeated the gesture several more times. Once he was satisfied, he shoved the pellets into his mouth and swallowed them.

"-maggot-ridden pathetic shriveled excuses for ninja who couldn't-"

"Duck," Kuushou said almost lazily before taking a deep breath. Inside his body he was hard at work compressing the air he was drawing in and reinforcing his body to properly support what he was about to do.

Anko didn't bother to question him, instead kicking her opponent away and dropping to the ground.

A series of sharp cracks filled the air followed a moment later by a high-pitched whistling sound. All across the battlefield bandits and ninja alike found themselves struggling to adjust to the new holes their bodies had acquired and failing miserably - nearly a quarter of the enemy collapsed following Kuushou's rapid barrage.

Unfortunately, the ones who were not targeted turned their attention to the greatest threat. An understanding seemed to pass between the many different groups involved in the battle, and as one they all focused their attacks on the Konoha ninja.

"Great plan," Anko said sarcastically. "Got any other brilliant ideas?"

Instead of answering, Kuushou stepped closer to Anko and slapped his hands on the ground. A dome of earth rapidly formed around them, intercepting kunai and arrows aimed at the two of them.

"And now we're trapped," Anko observed idly. "I trust that's not all of it?"

"Hardly," Kuushou said, focusing. He made sure to run through handseals this time to maintain appearances; the other jutsu he could claim to have enough experience with, but not this one.

"Earth Style: Thundering Rampart," he intoned, once more placing his hands on the ground. His entire body began to radiate chakra as he poured more and more power into the technique.

Anko eyes narrowed for a moment as she recalled everything she knew about that jutsu, then widened when she took in the amount of chakra he was giving off.

"That'll work," she muttered lowly before sinking into the ground. "I'll take care of anyone that's left once you're done," she said, then submerged completely.

Kuushou grinned. He could definitely get used to working with Anko – even when he pulled out something that should be unexpected like this, she just took it in stride and adjusted her own tactics to match.

With another surge of chakra, he released the jutsu and the dome exploded outwards into thousands of sharpened rock spikes. The enemies who had surrounded the dome and were trying to force their way in were devastated by the attack, those closest to the dome getting ripped apart entirely while those further back were merely impaled several times over.

Roughly fifty feet out the attackers had enough time to react or at least had a chance to survive. Of course, Anko made short work of the remaining ninja when she popped out of the ground next to them while they were still trying to recover. Kuushou didn't waste any time either, charging into the fray to finish off the few remaining opponents who had survived that onslaught.

A few seconds later the battlefield was completely still.

Anko began to move around the battlefield, systematically beheading the fallen ninja and bandits and sealing their heads into various scrolls. Kuushou mirrored her actions on the other side of the battlefield, realizing she was making sure all of their enemies were actually defeated as well as preparing to claim any bounties any of them may have had.

They met in the middle of the field, each covered in blood but without any significant injuries of their own.

"Not bad, blondie," Anko said, grinning at him.

"Not brat?" Kuushou asked sarcastically.

"Nah, a brat would have been puking their guts out or cowering behind a tree somewhere."

Kuushou chuckled for a moment, surveying the blood-stained battlefield around them. "Quick and dirty mission, eh?"

"Well... it was dirty at least, right?"

"Definitely that," Kuushou paused then, his head cocked to the side. "What rank would you say this mission qualifies as now?"

"Definitely A, even if most of the enemy ninja were pathetic..." she trailed off, eyes widening as she realized why he was asking. Then she burst out laughing, Kuushou joining her after a moment.

Which is how the Konoha reinforcements found them when they arrived a few minutes later.

* * *

><p>Kuushou walked through the Konoha gates a few hours later, ignoring the shocked and disbelieving looks he was drawing. One item he had neglected to bring on the mission was a change of clothing, so he was still wearing his slightly ripped and much more than slightly blood-stained orange jacket and pants. Anko walked beside him looking fresh as a daisy, arms tucked behind her head and chatting animatedly about the glorious wonders of the dango she was going to be consuming soon.<p>

"Geez Naruto, what happened? Sharp kunai too much for you?" came the amused remark from Kiba. Despite his taunting words, there was a tinge of concern in his voice. As far as Kuushou knew the Inuzuka had gotten along well enough with Naruto, even if they hadn't exactly been friends.

Kuushou just shrugged in reply. "Just got back from a mission; it turned out to be," he paused, turning to Anko, "dirty, was it?"

Anko's eyes gleamed. "Very, _very _dirty," she purred, slinking up to his side and draping an arm around his shoulders. Kuushou stifled his laughter as Kiba's jaw dropped; it may be a different world but he was still just as amusing to mess with.

"And that bit, at the end there," Anko continued, her voice rapturous, "that was just... _explosive_," she crooned, wrapping her arms around herself and swaying in place.

"You... she... but...," Kiba stuttered, his eyes wide.

"I'm hurt," Kuushou said, following Anko's lead, "I thought there were plenty of good bits in the _seventeen hours_ before that."

"Oh, there were," Anko replied, having trouble containing her laughter now, "but none of that quite compared to the... _finale."_

Kuushou took one more look at the poleaxed expression on Kiba's face and lost it, bursting out laughing. Anko followed a moment later, and they ended up leaning on each other for support.

"Ah, screw you," Kiba snapped, realizing that they were messing with him. "Like you could actually get a mission anyway. You were lucky you managed to graduate at all."

Anko sobered quickly, her gaze snapping to Kiba. "Watch yourself, genin," she growled. "Blondie here has shed blood in defense of this village, which is a hell of a lot more than you can say."

"Yeah, right," Kiba said dismissively. "And who are you, anyway?"

Anko's eyes narrowed, but Kuushou waved her off before she could reply. "It's much more amusing if you let him dig his grave first. He'll just keep digging deeper and deeper and deeper, which makes the moment where you shove the dirt on top of him all the sweeter," he said lowly... though not so lowly that Kiba couldn't hear.

Anko's expression cleared, the amused glint returning to her eyes. "I like your style, blondie," she said. "Tell you what, you can treat me to dango."

"You mean you'll treat me to dango," Kuushou corrected as they walked away from Kiba, ignoring the Inuzuka's spluttering.

"I know what I said."

* * *

><p>A few hours later a freshly bathed and fed Kuushou was standing in front of the Hokage along with Anko. The Hokage was currently rubbing his temples with his fingers and sighing.<p>

"Tell me again why you felt it necessary to continue pursuing the enemy, Anko?" the Hokage asked plaintively.

"I made a judgment call in the field, Hokage-sama," Anko replied calmly. "I dispatched a messenger snake to alert Konoha about what we found at the rendezvous site, then set out to find the missing border patrol. Once we determined that the border patrol had been killed, we focused on tracking down those responsible to bring them to justice."

"That's the part I don't understand," the Hokage said. "You had a genin with you and were about to engage an enemy that had taken out a full team of chuunin."

"Naruto had already proven himself in combat by that point, Hokage-sama," Anko said calmly. "I had no qualms about taking him into battle with me."

"What rank would you give his combat ability?" the Hokage asked.

"Triple-B-rank, sir, at least. It could be higher, but we didn't actually fight anyone who would merit it."

"_Really,_" the Hokage said slowly. Kuushou noticed the old man's eyes looking at him appraisingly, but didn't respond.

"Yes, sir. He could still use some polish and refinement, but he has excellent situational awareness and does not hesitate to do what needs to be done. His use of ninjutsu coupled with his reserves is... well, lethal."

"I see," the Hokage said slowly. "And what happened when you found the group responsible?" he continued.

"Executed in the field, sir."

"Was it not possible to capture them?"

"I do not believe so, sir," Anko said firmly. "Given that the border had been essentially overrun, I deemed the area to be hostile and had no compelling reason to take prisoners under those circumstances."

"Why did you not return directly to Konoha after that?"

"I had already sent a message to apprise Konoha of our situation. After taking Naruto's combat ability into account, I believed we would be of more use neutralizing any enemy forces who attempted to enter the Land of Fire."

The Hokage sighed again. "I can't argue with the results," he said finally. "Initial reports indicate that your section of the border had the fewest number of successful incursions, and clearly both yourself and Naruto-kun survived the experience.

"I will credit both of you with a successful A-rank defense mission in addition to the C-rank you initially took," the Hokage continued. "For Naruto-kun, I will treat that as the two required B-ranks for his full promotion, which just leaves his C-ranks."

"Thank you, Hokage-sama," both Anko and Kuushou replied.

"Unless there is anything else, you are dismissed."

"Actually, Hokage-jiji," Kuushou said quickly, "there is one thing. What is the normal mission level to kill or capture a missing-nin?"

"It depends on the rank of the missing-nin," the Hokage said slowly. "An A-rank missing-nin would equate to a A-rank mission, and so on."

"In that case, I would like to turn in all of the bounties I acquired in the course of the mission now."

The Hokage's face was torn between amused and chagrined. "How many would that be, exactly?"

"Based on the latest copy of the Bingo Book, seven C-rank missing-nin and two B-rank missing-nin."

The Hokage just sighed again, while Anko burst out laughing and clapped him on the shoulder. "Congrats on the promotion, blondie!" she chuckled. "If I didn't know better, I'd say you were trying to get rid of me!"

* * *

><p>Armed with a sudden excess of cash, Kuushou had acquired much better and more thorough equipment along with a change of clothing. The black shirt and black pants topped by his new chuunin flak vest also had the side effect of rendering him almost completely unrecognizable, if the lack of reaction he received as he moved around the village was anything to go by. Apparently the old Naruto had worn the orange clothing so long that people didn't think about what he looked like wearing something else.<p>

That had also proven useful in acquiring different lodgings, as he had already moved into an apartment complex in the Shinobi Distict, only a few blocks away from the Yamanaka's house.

Some people could still recognize him easily enough, though, Kuushou noted sourly as he consumed another bowl of ramen; sitting next to him was the med-nin who had administered his test during the Hokage's evaluation. She had proven most tenacious about hounding him to come work for the hospital while simultaneously pulling yet more medical knowledge out of his head.

"I had the opportunity to try the technique you described on a patient yesterday," the woman, Mareko, said. "It worked perfectly, and I had to explain to the other surgeons that I hadn't come up with the technique myself. Now all of them want to meet you, so you really should stop by the hospital soon. Think of all the lives you could save with what you know and could teach us!"

Teuchi just looked on, a bemused smile on his face as he served up another bowl of ramen. Kuushou hadn't volunteered an explanation as to why he knew so much all of a sudden, and Teuchi hadn't asked.

"I'm saving lives out in the field as well," Kuushou pointed out. "The presence of a combat medic raises the survival rate of allied ninja sevenfold."

Mareko frowned. "I know that's what Tsunade-sama's research says, but not all med-nin's have her level of combat ability to go with their medical skills. Enemy ninja prioritize med-nin's and you're far more likely to die out in the field."

"Possibly," he began, but was interrupted by a voice from outside the stand.

"Naruto!" Kiba called out. "I'm totally calling your bullshit! You didn't even show up for team assignments and your name wasn't called for any of the teams, so there's no way you were out on a mission before!"

"That so?" Kuushou replied, his tone clearly amused. Kiba apparently hadn't noticed his forehead protector or chuunin flak vest yet.

A squeak drew his attention outside the stand, where he saw Hinata blushing furiously and poking her fingers together. Shino stood beside her, his hands tucked into his coat and his face hidden by his collar as always.

Shino at least seemed nearly unchanged from his own world; his reserves were still smaller compared to the one Kuushou had known, but not nearly as much as compared to the others. For that matter Kiba was also closer to what Kuushou would expect compared to the others, though he seemed more aggressive and impetuous.

Hinata, on the other hand, was astonishingly different. It was fairly obvious that this one also had a crush on him, but it seemed far more debilitating. Her reserves were a fraction of what he had expected, and the feeling of her chakra was... oppressed was the best way he could describe it. Her stutter seemed to have grown worse here, rather than vanishing almost entirely as it had in his own world.

"A-A-Are you... alright, Na... Naruto-kun?" Hinata asked slowly, finally managing to look directly at him.

"Of course, Hinata-chan," Kuushou replied. "Why wouldn't I be?" The girl didn't reply, instead squeaking again and ducking her face behind the collar of her large jacket.

"You appear to be wearing a chuunin vest, Uzumaki-san," Shino observed quietly.

"What?" Kiba barked. "That's bullshit!" Akamaru yipped in apparent agreement.

"Indeed I am," Kuushou replied, nodding towards Shino. He didn't say anything further.

"Who is this... rude person, Naruto-san?" Mareko asked, sniffing slightly.

"Kiba Inuzuka, a former classmate," Kuushou answered easily, smirking slightly.

"Well, Inuzuka-san, if you don't mind," Mareko bit out, "I was having a discussion with Naruto-san and don't appreciate being interrupted."

"There's no way you're a chuunin!" Kiba snapped, pointing an accusing finger. "You graduated dead last!"

Mareko stood abruptly, reaching into her pocket and setting a few bills on the counter to pay for her meal. "I suppose we shall have to continue this another time, Naruto-san, in more pleasant company. I'll be looking forward to it."

She then turned to Kiba, glaring. "For your information, _Inuzuka-san,_ I took part in Naruto-san's evaluation and can tell you for a fact that he more than earned that rank on the basis of his medical knowledge alone. 'Dead last' indeed," she sniffed, and stalked out.

"But... he did!" Kiba said plaintively.

Kuushou laid a much larger stack of bills on the counter and stood himself. "Just keep digging, Kiba," he said. "I'll see you soon, Shino-san, Hinata-chan."

As he left, he heard Hinata remark, with much less stuttering, that "Naruto-kun seems different."

Neither of her teammates replied.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Decided to go ahead and post the next chapter. I'm still not sure about the darker tone with the flashback, but there are other moments in the story that are going to be far worse than that as I have things planned out now, even if overall it's still relatively light. The reaction I get here will help determine how the rest of the story goes.**

**All of the genin teams, as you may have guessed from seeing Team 8, are the same as in canon. The third member of Team 7 will not be Sai, despite that being a rather common way to handle that. Instead I'll be using an extremely minor OC from TEC, Ogawa Kensuke - he was mentioned once as one of the members of Asuma's team in that story. Here he's high in the rankings in the Academy but was placed on a different team in canon and ended up not making a name for himself compared to the Rookie Nine. He's not going to be a major character in any fashion, but he might prove to be a minor character of note under Kakashi's tutelage... bwahahahhaha. Oh, I crack myself up sometimes.**

**Yeah, he's screwed.**

**Revised: 02/04/2012 - number of required B-ranks mistake - thanks to Zealot for pointing out the error!  
><strong>


	12. Swapping The Cage, Chapter 6

Responding to a knock, Kuushou opened the door to his new apartment to find the Hokage waiting patiently at the door, a small wrapped package held in one hand.

"Hey, Hokage-jiji!" Kuushou said, stepping back to clear the doorway. "What brings you here?"

"Hello, Naruto-kun," the Hokage said, smiling. "I heard about your new apartment and thought I might bring you a housewarming present. Congratulations!" he said, handing Kuushou the package.

"Thanks, Hokage-jiji!" Kuushou replied, smiling.

He led the Hokage into the plain living room and, once the old man had taken a seat, opened the package. Inside was a very nice picture frame, but what drew his attention was the picture it contained. In it, the old man was wearing his ceremonial robes and was leaning forward slightly with one hand resting on top of Naruto's head while Naruto was grinning widely and wearing the Hokage's ceremonial hat.

"We took that picture on his sixth birthday," Sarutobi said quietly. "He kept bragging that he would become Hokage one day, and I decided a little harmless indulgence wouldn't hurt." He chuckled. "I may have cemented that goal in his mind at that point, looking back on it." He turned to Kuushou. "Do you share that dream?"

Kuushou placed the picture on the coffee table and took a seat opposite the old man. "Not exactly," he replied. "My dream is about protecting my family and inventing new and amazing seals. I can't say I've given the position of Hokage a great deal of thought."

Sarutobi just nodded and looked vaguely sad. "Do you have any plans to decorate your apartment?" he asked next, breaking the brief silence that had fallen. "You chose a very good place, but it seems a bit... spartan."

Kuushou snorted internally, knowing what the Hokage was referring to. The furniture he had acquired in the apartment - which consisted of a living room, kitchen, bedroom, bathroom, and a small entranceway - were very basic and strictly functional, with one exception. The walls were painted in a faded white, and the few windows were covered with cloth that could, if one were feeling generous, be considered drapes. The only thing in the apartment that stood out was a large table, topped with immaculately polished marble, that occupied one entire wall of the living room. It wasn't obvious as no tools were present, but he would be using that for crafting seals.

"Not really," he replied, turning his attention back to the Hokage. "Should I?"

"I've always felt that putting a personal touch on my surroundings made me feel a lot more comfortable," Sarutobi said.

"Perhaps," Kuushou shrugged. "There is something that's been bothering me, though, and I would like to ask you about it."

"Of course, Naruto-kun, you can ask me anything," Sarutobi replied immediately.

"Why did you let Mitokado and Utatane get away with that?"

The Hokage frowned, leaning forward in his seat. "I'm not sure I understand what you mean."

"With what they did during my test. They changed up the sealing portion and decided to invalidate the combat portion."

The Hokage's frown deepened. "Koharu and Homura have been my teammates and friends since I graduated from the Academy many, many years ago."

"That didn't answer my question," Kuushou said pointedly.

The Hokage sighed, wiping his hand over his face. "They did have alternative ideas for how the exam should be administered, yes."

"Which they implemented behind your back."

"In a way," the Hokage replied slowly.

"So I ask again, why did you let them get away with that? They essentially undermined your authority, in public, and no one besides myself even seemed to think anything of it."

The Hokage's frown deepened. He opened his mouth to reply, but Kuushou continued before he could.

"Then there was that scene in the office after I first left T&I. They just barged into the room without so much as knocking or asking permission, and proceeded to berate you and argue with you in front of me."

"They are my trusted advisers, Naruto-kun, it's expected that they would argue with me. It's because we have differing viewpoints that collectively we can find the best path that none of us individually would see," he said patiently.

Kuushou growled in annoyance. "I know _that_," he said. He wiped a hand over his face as he pondered how to get his point across. He normally wouldn't have bothered with something like this, but the Hokage was incredibly useful in his world and seemed to be one of the few allies he had in this world. He also hadn't overlooked how Koharu and Homura seemed to have little respect for Naruto and that they had very different ideas for how he should be handled, ideas that would likely conflict heavily with his own plans.

"Let me put it this way," Kuushou said finally. "In the few days that I have been here, I have _personally _seen those two act as if their orders carried more weight than your own, I have seen a chuunin under _your command _take direction from them rather than following the orders that came from you, and I have seen them do everything but call you an idiot to your face _while I was in the room. _That doesn't even begin to address what they may be doing that I _haven't_ seen.

"And through all of that, _you did nothing_. What happened to you, jiji?"

The Hokage leaned back in his chair, an odd expression on his face. "How would you have expected me to respond?" he asked.

Kuushou stood from his chair and began pacing about the room, his hands and arms moving in sharp gestures as he spoke. "The jiji I know would never have let it get that far. The jiji I know would have pinned them to the floor with a glare and a sharp word, and they wouldn't have dared do it again. The jiji I know would have suspended any ninja who dared disobey his orders in such a manner."

"Are you suggesting that I should suspend Koharu and Homura?" the Hokage asked curiously. "That seems rather extreme, and they aren't even active ninja anymore."

"That's even worse!" Kuushou cried, whirling to face the Hokage. "What actual, official authority do they have over Konoha ninja?"

"They aren't part of the chain of command," the Hokage replied. "They advise me, nothing more."

"Really?" Kuushou asked. "Because that's not what it looks like to me. And if that's what I see after being here for just a few days, what does it look like to the ninja who have been here their whole lives?"

The Hokage was silent, that odd expression on his face as he studied Kuushou curiously. Kuushou left him to his thoughts, moving back to his seat and waiting for the Hokage's eventual reply.

After a few minutes of thoughtful silence, the Hokage slowly stood from the couch and stretched his back slightly. "I will think on what you have said, Naruto-kun," he finally replied. "But for now, I need to get back to work. Do let me know when you decide to decorate, though; I may be able to recommend some good stores."

"I will, Hokage-jiji," Kuushou replied, escorting the Hokage to the door. "And thanks again for the present. He looks... very happy in that picture." That should mollify the old man somewhat.

"You're welcome, Naruto-kun," Sarutobi replied, a small smile on his face.

* * *

><p>"So, have you given what I said any thought?" Kuushou asked the next day as he took his seat in the Hokage's office.<p>

"I have, but this meeting is about something else," the Hokage replied. "There have been some... questions raised regarding your suitability to teach the new genin."

"By their jounin-sensei, I assume?"

"Among others, yes," the Hokage replied.

"I can't say I'm surprised, but why am I here? I don't see how I could prove my ability without actually teaching anyone."

"A point I raised," the Hokage noted. "As a compromise, the various interested parties requested to observe the training sessions in order to judge your ability for themselves and make sure that what you are teaching does not conflict with their own plans."

Kuushou twitched, stifling his annoyance. "You want me to pander to an audience while I'm trying to teach kids who already aren't going to take me seriously? If their jounin-sensei is there observing, it's just going to make everything even harder for everyone involved."

"I brought up that point as well, though I phrased it more... delicately," the Hokage said, smirking. "If the observers agree to remain hidden, do you have any objections?"

"Many," Kuushou replied, "but as long as they don't interfere I'll deal with it for a single session."

"That's hardly going to be sufficient to show any real results," the Hokage pointed out.

"No, but that will be more than enough time to establish my credentials, so to speak. I believe that Team Kurenai is scheduled first?"

"That's correct."

"Good. Make sure Kiba gets the first session, and have all of the so-called observers attend. Invite any and everyone you like. In fact," Kuushou said, a wide grin on his face, "I insist. Oh, and don't tell Kiba who his teacher is going to be. I want that to be a surprise."

* * *

><p>Kuushou grinned widely as he entered the training ground set aside for his sessions with the Clan Kids. The Hokage had come through, and he could sense nearly two dozen ninja gathered to observe Kiba's session. He could only name some of them, but the Hokage was there, along with his two advisers and Danzo, as were Kakashi Hatake, Gai Maito, Anko Mitarashi, Hiashi Hyuuga, Tsume Inuzuka and her partner Kuromaru, Inoichi Yamanaka, Shikaku Nara, Chouza Akimichi and Shibi Aburame.<p>

Oh, this was going to be _fun._

"Naruto?" Kiba asked, confused. "What the hell are you doing here?" The Inuzuka genin was currently standing in the middle of the clearing, looking annoyed and bored.

"I'm here for the training session, of course."

"Really? I was told this was going to be one-on-one, and I _know _I got the right place and time. Can't believe they're making us do this crap on our day off."

"Yep, you got the right place and time."

"Then why the hell are you here?"

Kuushou just waited, a grin slowly spreading across his face.

"No, seriously, why are you here?" Kiba repeated, motioning towards him. "Are there two teachers coming or something?"

Kuushou kept waiting, rocking back and forth on his feet as he stifled his laughter.

Kiba just stared at him for several seconds before his hand shot out, pointing incredulously at him. "Oh, _fuck _no. I have had it with your bullshit. There is no _fucking _way that _you, _the Dead Last, are supposed to be teaching me anything."

"And yet, here we are."

"Dude, that shit's not funny. I don't know why the hell they're letting you get away with wearing that chuunin vest, but you had best stop before someone catches you. Hell, I haven't even seen you out on assignments with any of the other genin teams. Did you get kicked out of the ninja force entirely?"

"Is it really _that _hard to believe that I could be a chuunin?" Kuushou asked curiously.

"Yes!" Kiba yelled. "Dude, I was shocked you actually managed to graduate at all. I mean, I'm happy for you and all, but, honestly? I didn't think you could hack it. Ever since then you've been acting like you're a complete badass and it's really starting to piss me off."

"Well..., you are honest, I'll give you that," Kuushou said finally. "Before I shove the dirt over you, I'll give you one chance to climb out of that hole you're in."

Kiba looked confused for a second before he rolled his eyes. "You're talking about what you said when you were hanging out with that hot chick near the gates."

"Yes...," Kuushou said lowly, laughter bleeding into his voice. "As a friendly warning, that 'hot chick' was a tokubetsu jounin overseeing my first C-rank mission, and you _really_ don't want to piss her off. Now then, for your one chance – forget everything you think you know about me from the Academy and everything you may have heard about me from other people. I _am _a full-fledged chuunin and thus technically outrank you, and I _am _here to teach you practical combat skills."

Kiba just scoffed. "You never even got close to beating me in sparring," he said dismissively.

Kuushou shrugged. "Can't say I didn't warn you. Now then, first lesson: situational awareness."

Kiba opened his mouth to reply again, but suddenly found that he couldn't breathe as something slammed into his gut. As he folded over he saw another Naruto emerging from the ground, a smirk on his face. Akamaru latched onto this new Naruto's other arm, only to immediately let go and start barking.

Kiba staggered backwards, somehow managing to retain his feet as his breath slowly came back. "Dirt? When the hell did you make an earth clone? Since when can you make clones at all?"

"I did warn you," Kuushou said as he watched his clone completely emerge from the ground. "As for when, I made it before I even entered the clearing. It's been sitting under you the entire time we were talking."

Kiba straightened, flexing his hands as he stared at the clone before him. "You may have improved a little, but slightly better than worthless is still worthless," he growled. With that, he charged forward, his hands acting like claws as he swiped at the earth clone. Each blow ripped through the clone easily, and soon the entire thing lost cohesion.

"So much for that," Kiba smirked, settling into a stance.

Kuushou just nodded. "Your power is roughly C-rank, and your speed about the same. You are also not dropping your guard, which is a good sign."

Kiba growled again. "Like hell I'm going to give you another free shot. Akamaru!" His canine companion barked in acknowledgment, then both charged towards the blonde.

Kuushou watched them approach with his head cocked to the side. The two covered the short distance to him quickly, Kiba approaching from the left and Akamaru from the right. As they reached melee range, Kiba went low and swiped at his leg while Akamaru leapt much higher than seemed possible for his small frame, his claws menacing the blonde's face.

At the last moment, Kuushou twisted his body, allowing Akamaru to sail over him harmlessly while he focused his attention on Kiba. The Inuzuka still had the bad habit of overcommitting to his attacks and was unable to respond as Kuushou's other leg slammed into his side. Kiba's breath whooshed out of his lungs again and he was sent rolling several feet away before he managed to use his momentum to regain his footing.

"The fuck was that?" he wheezed. "You never moved that fast before."

"That's not even that fast, Kiba," Kuushou pointed out. It really wasn't, by his standards, and yet he was forced to reinforce his muscles with chakra to do it in this body. He was going to have to find some way to get his body back into proper condition quickly. "You left yourself wide open to my counterattack. Not to mention that I could just as easily have stabbed Akamaru with a kunai as I could have dodged him since you both left my hands completely free." He twirled the kunai that was in his hand to emphasize his point.

"Don't even joke about that," Kiba snarled, a fierce expression on his face.

"I would say the only joke here is you, but truthfully you aren't that bad... for a fresh graduate."

"You're still carrying on with that bullshit?"

"For the next part of the evaluation, ninjutsu," Kuushou said.

"Hey, no Sexy Jutsu bullshit!"

Kuushou paused in the act of raising his hands, a confused expression on his face. "What?"

Hearing his reply, Kiba's expression looked just as confused. "What other ninjutsu do you know? Well, I guess you know a clone technique now, but still."

Kuushou sighed, rubbing his forehead. "Un-fucking-believable," he muttered. "No, I will not be using the," he grimaced, pondering just what the hell this world's Naruto had been doing for the last twelve years, "_Sexy Jutsu_."

He raised his hands again, racing through the handseals and declaring loudly, "Water Style: Levy Break."

"The fuck?" Kiba said, looking shocked. He immediately leapt back when he noticed the water seeping out of the ground. "Four Legs Technique!" he cried as he landed in a crouch. Akamaru joined him a moment later, and both of them growled at him in unison.

"Now you're getting it," Kuushou said as he executed another series of seals. "Water Style: Bullet." The water around his feet suddenly rose into the arm and formed spheres. A moment later they began to rip through the air towards the frantically dodging Kiba and Akamaru. The two of them were slipping and sliding along the muddy ground, confirming that they really didn't know any techniques to maintain their footing.

Once the last bullet was on its way, Kuushou shifted tactics and darted forward, his movements swift and sure in sharp contrast to Kiba and Akamaru. Kiba attempted to swipe at him as he closed into melee range, but he easily dodged the attack and placed his palm flat against Kiba's chest.

"Wind Style: Bullet," he intoned softly, and then Kiba was flying backwards through the air before slamming into a distant tree nearly twenty feet away. Akamaru abandoned the fight a moment later to scramble towards his partner, yipping worriedly as Kiba landed in a crumpled heap at the base of the tree.

Kuushou grimaced and began walking towards the downed genin; that last hit may have been a little excessive, especially considering that the boy's mother was currently watching. He wanted to embarrass Kiba while convincing the other watchers to let him work in peace, not make them think he was going to routinely cause serious injuries.

Kiba let out a low groan, revealing that he was both conscious and not in _too _much pain. Kuushou knelt, his hands glowing green as he surveyed the damage; a couple of cracked ribs and a lot of bruising was all, and he had that fixed in a matter of seconds.

Kiba pulled himself up against the tree and staggered to his feet a moment later, staring at the blonde in front of him. Kuushou stared back, his head cocked to the side and one eyebrow raised curiously.

"Chuunin, huh?" Kiba asked after he had recovered his breath and was standing straight once more.

"Yep."

"And you're going to be teaching me how to kick ass like that?"

"That's the idea."

"Then what are we waiting for?"

* * *

><p>Kuushou watched as Kiba hobbled out of the clearing, the genin's form exhausted and dirt-covered. Once the boy was out of sight, he leaned up against a tree and tapped his foot impatiently. The hidden observers moved into the open a moment later.<p>

"I trust that clears up any lingering doubts," he asked, sweeping his gaze over the assembled group.

"Damn blondie, you really put him through the wringer," Anko said, smirking as she leaned up on the tree next to him. "Still can't believe he didn't even know tree-walking yet, though."

"As you are well aware, Mitarashi-san, only registered Konoha ninja are allowed to receive advanced training," Koharu said pointedly.

Kuushou scoffed. "I weep for Konoha if tree-walking is considered _advanced._" Koharu and Homura bristled, but Kuushou was more interested in the Hokage's reaction... which was minimal and revealed nothing of what he was thinking.

"What was the point of baiting my genin like that, Uzumaki-san?" asked a black-haired jounin. Kuushou mentally noted that this must be Kurenai Yuuhi, a kunoichi he had never actually met in his own world.

"Much like most of you, he was not prepared to take me seriously," Kuushou replied calmly. "And now he is."

He turned his attention to an older woman who was stalking forward, her face fixed in a glare. This one he had met, quite often, and this Tsume Inuzuka exuded the same feral, dangerous air he had become accustomed to. He could see her lean muscles rippling as she moved, and the rather large canine trotting at her side only added to the lethal image she projected. It was rather interesting how so many of the older generation were nearly identical to the people he was used to while so many of the younger ninja were almost absurdly different.

Tsume came to a stop in front of him, her arms crossed over her chest as she stared down at him. He met her gaze calmly, and the rest of the assembled group fell silent as they observed the confrontation.

"What do you have planned?" she asked simply.

"Increase his speed and strength, focus on his chakra control until he's past water-walking, then add some utility jutsu and ranged attacks. Oh, and lots and lots of sparring."

Tsume nodded sharply. "Good," she replied, then turned and began walking out of the clearing.

Kuushou noted that the Hokage was grinning widely as the Inuzuka clan head give her tacit approval to the training sessions. No doubt that would gut any continued opposition from anyone else.

Kurenai wasn't entirely satisfied though. "Do you plan to beat all of your students into submission first?" she asked, her tone sharp.

"If it will help," he replied easily, smirking. "I don't expect that will be necessary for anyone else, though. Probably not as fun as doing it to Kiba, either."

Shockingly, his flippant response didn't pacify her in the least. Before she could continue, however, someone else spoke up.

"That was a rather wide variety of jutsu you used," Kakashi observed, his single eye peeking over the edge of his orange book. "What is your chakra affinity?"

"Wind," Kuushou replied.

"Do you know any lightning or fire jutsu?" the masked ninja asked.

"I do, but I didn't want to hurt him too much by using them."

Kakashi just nodded. "And is there a reason you didn't use any jutsu outside of a roughly fifteen foot radius?"

Kuushou did a double-take before staring at the masked ninja. "You picked up on that already?"

"It's rather obvious once someone sees you in action," he replied calmly.

"He's got a point, blondie," Anko said. "You really go out of your way to stay within a certain range of your opponents."

Kuushou sighed, annoyed. The Hokage already knew, as did Inoichi, but he didn't want that particular piece of information getting spread around. He turned to look at the Hokage.

"This is considered an A-rank secret," the Hokage said, "but due to the slightly different nature of his seal his chakra must remain with a certain distance of his body."

There was a small stir among the remaining ninja. "I think a demonstration is in order, Naruto-kun," the Hokage said.

"Alright, Hokage-jiji," he replied. He pushed himself off of the tree and walked a short distance away from the group. He noticed that Hiashi had activated his byakugan and that Kakashi had slipped his headband up to uncover his sharingan eye.

Kuushou ran through another series of handseals before intoning, "Water Style: Water Whip."

He drew water out of the still slightly muddy ground and sent it lashing out into the clearing. The end of the whip, as if crossing some invisible boundary, suddenly lost cohesion a short distance away from him and the water splashed uselessly to the ground.

"I see," Hiashi said musingly.

"Damn, blondie, that's gotta suck," Anko said ruefully.

Kuushou shrugged. "It's annoying, certainly, but hardly crippling. Now, unless there are any more objections, I'd like to get some lunch and relax a bit before I start my next training session this afternoon – with Hinata, if I'm not mistaken." He turned and nodded respectfully at Hiashi. "I trust you have no complaints?"

"If you wish to waste your time, that is your own affair," Hiashi said as he turned to leave the clearing.

Kuushou frowned. "You still don't think I know what I'm doing?"

"I was not referring to you, Uzumaki-san," came the reply.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Ah, Hiashi. I did a quick review of his profile to make sure I wasn't slipping into fanon-based territory with his attitude... nope, that is easily something he would have said in canon. How much of that he actually _means _is open to debate, of course.  
><strong>

**All of the initial training sessions for the Clan Kids will at least get a mention, though I doubt most will be half as long as Kiba's. I also tried to show his perspective (and by extension a lot of other perspectives) on how different Kuushou is from Naruto. That, to me, is one weakness a lot of other time-travel/substitution fics have, as the "new" Naruto seems to expect everyone to just immediately accept that he's the greatest thing since sliced bread after watching him fumble around in the Academy for four plus years. The end result may not be much different here, but Kuushou at least acknowledges that the old Naruto really was that bad - much easier to do, since it's not actually him and all. Extra special bonus points if Naruto shows up during the team announcements wearing "badass" clothing and has some sort of epic confrontation with Sasuke right off the bat. It can work, and makes sense in that he's making a point that he's different now, but at the same time... argh.  
><strong>

**As for Koharu and Homura... that whole issue is a complex, tangled mess that's going to take a long time for Sarutobi to sort out properly, both professionally and emotionally, and Kuushou won't actually be a witness to most of it.**

**I say most won't be as long as Kiba's, but actually thinking ahead... yeah, some of those are going to be rough. Shino, Shikamaru, and Chouji will likely be the simplest to do. Hinata is easily the most complicated, followed by Sasuke, then Ino and Sakura. My current plan is to alternate between training sessions and interactions with other characters. Once I've established the training sessions, I can move on to C-ranks (Wave Mission!) and then the Chuunin Exams. Fortunately, as Naruto is already chuunin, I can skip over a lot of the more tedious parts as he won't be directly involved.  
><strong>

**I'm also thinking of moving this into its own story, as I think I'm over 20k words now.  
><strong>

**As always, thanks for reading and thanks for all the reviews!  
><strong>


	13. Naruto: Ramen Days II

**A/N: This story will be written in first person from Naruto's perspective. It is (originally) canon!Naruto, though he's had a rather different go of things this time around. I include the warning here so that you don't think it's some sort of SI; I'm just playing around with another style of writing.**

* * *

><p>I blinked.<p>

I stared in silence as Teuchi-jii-san placed another bowl of ramen in front of me. Slowly, carefully, I lifted the bowl and moved it to one side, placing it reverently on the counter far out of the way.

Then I slammed my head down as hard as I could.

"Naruto?" came the shocked gasp from Ayame-nee-chan.

"I fucking died _again_," I growled. "How the hell did I get through that fight with the Snake-bastard the first time?"

"Naruto?" Ayame-nee-chan said again, placing one hesitant hand on my shoulder. "Are you ok?"

I sighed, wiping one hand over my face before turning a smile to Ayame. Even if this was the third time I was living out this particular scene, and the third time Ayame-nee-chan had asked that exact same question, I didn't want to do anything to truly upset her. "I'm doing great, thanks Nee-chan."

"What did you mean, you 'died again'?" asked Teuchi-jii-san.

"Just thinking out loud," I said, moving the bowl back in front of me and picking up my chopsticks. "Itadakimasu!"

* * *

><p>Later that night, I returned to my apartment and walked into my kitchen. As always, floating in the air above the counter were three words that apparently only I could see: "Characters," "Inventory," and "Log."<p>

Then I let out a loud whoop as I noticed the rare but always welcome addition to that list: "Level Up."

"Hell yes level up!" I exclaimed.

The world turned gray around me and my view shifted until I was looking at myself from a spot somewhere in front of... myself. Ugh, this whole thing made my head hurt sometimes.

**Congratulations! Naruto Uzumaki has achieved Level Five!**

No, _that _made my head hurt, _all_ the time. It was like someone took the words, chiseled them into rock, and shoved the whole thing into my skull. That makes it sound like it was actually painful, though, and it wasn't. It just felt like it _should_ be painful, which is _like _pain, but... ugh, just... nevermind.

****Naruto Uzumaki** has five (5) skill points to assign.**

****Naruto Uzumaki** may select one (1) new ability.**

****Naruto Uzumaki** may select one (1) new trait.**

I blinked, scratching my chin thoughtfully as I considered the words shoved into my head. "Trait?" I muttered to myself. "That's new."

**Choose one of the following traits:**

**Chakra Battery**

**Fuinjutsu Affinity**

**Genjutsu **Affinity**  
><strong>

**Hidden Blade**

**Kami's Luck**

**Ninjutsu **Affinity**  
><strong>

**Silver Tongue**

**Taijutsu **Affinity**  
><strong>

"Oh come on, you aren't going to explain any of this crap either?" I asked out loud. As always, there was no reply. I _know _some asshole is listening to me, though, and I'm going to use my Shukaku Special on him just as soon as I find the bastard.

"What the hell does Hidden Blade mean? Not like an actual kunai, right?" I asked.

******Naruto Uzumaki** **has selected Hidden Blade. Is that correct?**

"Argh! No!" Make that two Shukaku Specials.

**Choose one of the following traits:**

**Chakra Battery**

**Fuinjutsu **Affinity**  
><strong>

**Genjutsu **Affinity**  
><strong>

**Hidden Blade**

**Kami's Luck**

**Ninjutsu **Affinity**  
><strong>

**Silver Tongue**

**Taijutsu **Affinity**  
><strong>

"Kami, I hate you so much."

******Naruto Uzumaki** **has selected Kami's Luck. Is that correct?**

My entire body twitched, my hands grasping at imaginary kunai and making rude gestures with them. "Fuck it. Yes," I said out loud. I could definitely use some luck the way things have been going lately. Stupid hickey-giving Snake-bastard and his stupid sword.

******Naruto Uzumaki** **has five (5) skill points to assign.**

******Naruto Uzumaki** **may select one (1) new ability.**

"Abilities," I stated. It didn't take long to figure out how to get this thing to respond how I wanted it to... even if I did do that unintentionally sometimes.

**Choose one of the following abilities:**

**Dodge (0/5)**

**Link (0/5)**

**Overpower (0/5)**

**Restore (0/5)**

**Unique: Kage Bunshin Barrage (4/5)**

"Ha. Kage Bunshin Barrage, of course." That was definitely my best move – aside from my Kage-killer Sexy Jutsu. That never showed up in any of the lists, though, or I would be boosting the hell out of that instead. "Although I can't tell that it's actually doing anything," I mumbled to myself. I could still use the shadow clones just as well as ever, but it really seemed like "Kage Bunshin Barrage" should be more than what I was doing before.

******Naruto Uzumaki** **has selected Kage Bunshin Barrage. Is that correct?**

"Yes."

**Congratulations! ****Naruto Uzumaki** **has unlocked the following abilities: **

**Unique: Army of One (0/5)**

**Unique: One Man Army (0/5)**

"Huh? Aren't those the same thing? And what the hell does the uni- ugh, nevermind."

******Naruto Uzumaki** **has five (5) skill points to assign.**

**Fuinjutsu: 1**

**Genjutsu: 1**

**Ninjutsu: 21**

**Taijutsu: 1**

"Ninjutsu. Yes. Ninjutsu. Yes. Ninjutsu. Yes. Ninjutsu. Yes. Ninjutsu. Yes," I droned out. I had to do this every time I got to level up, and it just got more annoying every time.

**Level Up Complete! You need 5,843 experience points to achieve Level Six.**

**Saving Progress...**

And with that, the world faded back into focus. As always, I felt a warm sensation start in the middle of my stomach and then rush over my body before quickly fading. I grinned, punching my left hand with my fist – I actually _felt _stronger, which was always welcome.

Then my enthusiasm faded as quickly as it had come.

"And now I get to go through Kakashi-sensei's stupid ass bell test tomorrow. Again. Yay," I muttered to myself.

* * *

><p>"Naruto!" Sakura yelled, stalking up to me as I entered the clearing two and a half hours after the time Kakashi had designated. "Where have you been?"<p>

"Eating breakfast," I replied casually. "Hey, Sakura-chan," I asked, cutting her off before she could launch into a tirade I'd already heard twice before, "what's the difference between an 'army of one' and a 'one man army'?"

Sakura allowed herself to get distracted, though she still huffed indignantly. "Is that supposed to be a riddle or something? They mean the same thing, idiot."

"That's what I thought, too," I said, ignoring the insult with practiced ease. When Sakura said it, it sounded almost affectionate.

"Hn," Sasuke grunted.

"The bastard speaks!" I exclaimed. I stepped to the side, deftly avoiding the expected punch from Sakura-chan while maintaining my focus on Sasuke. I'd ended up dying first this time around, but the time before that he'd let Sakura-chan get killed by the Snake-bastard – I wasn't sure I'd ever be able to forgive him for that, even if it technically hadn't happened anymore.

I wasn't really being fair, since it was just as much my fault as it was his, I suppose, but then again it was _his_ fault the Snake-bastard even attacked our group in the first place.

"Naruto!" Sakura growled. I noted that she looked vaguely surprised, though it was quickly subsumed in her anger. "Stop insulting Sasuke-kun!"

"Ok, ok, Sakura-chan," I said, waving my hands in surrender. I moved to a tree across the clearing from Sasuke and began practicing another version of the tree-walking exercise. Rather than using my feet to walk up the tree, I stuck my foot to the ground and tried to lift it; as soon as I felt the earth start to give, I tamped it down and switched to the other foot. That closet-pervert Ebisu had explained the concept behind this one, something about "reducing my chakra expenditure" and "resistance training."

All I knew was that I could do this exercise without Sasuke bothering me – he'd been more of a bastard than usual when he found out that I already knew the tree-walking exercise and I didn't want to deal with that right now.

Exactly three hours after he was _supposed _to show up, Kakashi-sensei poofed into the training ground and said, "Yo!"

Two bells, no lunch, sent back to the Academy, blah blah blah. He'd apparently rehearsed his presentation, because it was one of the few things that always happened _exactly _the same way every time.

After Sakura-chan and Sasuke-teme had vanished into the forest – and I smirked to myself, because I could totally see where both of them were hiding, which certainly hadn't been true the first time around – I turned to face Kakashi-sensei. Even more than defeating the Snake-bastard, I was determined to get an actual, honest to Kami clean hit against Kakashi-sensei during this bell test. I wasn't about to forget about his Thousand Years of Pain, and I certainly wasn't going to forgive him for trying it again... and again... and again.

"The test has started, you know," Kakashi-sensei said, pulling out his perverted book. I knew who had written it, now, but that just made it worse; Closet-pervert and Kakashi-sensei had _nothing _on Ero-sennin.

"Don't think it's gonna be easy, Kakashi-sensei," I proclaimed, pointing at him. "I'm much stronger than I used to be!" I did just add another point to my Kage Bunshin Barrage, so that should be even more effective this time.

He didn't seem all that impressed, and honestly I wasn't either because he seemed to be dodging me just as easily as the first time around. Even when I pulled out my awesome jutsu I hadn't the first time and swarmed him with shadow clones, he just cut through them like a buzzsaw. I felt vaguely ill watching it, actually, as it reminded me far too much of my recent encounter with the Snake-bastard.

Fortunately, Kakashi-sensei didn't decide to separate my head from my shoulders. He did, however, finish off the last of my clones without even bothering to put his book down.

"Just spamming clones isn't going to get you anywhere, Naruto," he chided. "You're just wasting chakra like this."

"Argh!" I yelled, grabbing my head in frustration. "What the hell is it going to take? I just hit level five, my ninjutsu should be even stronger now, and I've got all the points I can in Kage Bunshin Barrage-"

I felt like cold water had been dumped over me for a moment, but the sensation faded as quickly as it had come. My jaw dropped open as I watched a series of clones seemingly pop out of nowhere and launch Kakashi into the air.

"U- Zu- Ma- Ki- Naruto Combo!" they announced as they smashed Kakashi-sensei into the ground.

I stared at his fallen form, my brain slowly processing what had just happened. My mouth opened and closed a few times before I choked out, "I have to _say _it? That's it? It doesn't actually do anything unless I _say_ Kage Bunshin Barrage?"

I felt the same bucket of water sensation again, and a moment later I heard wordless yelling coming from behind me. I turned around to see a visibly startled Kakashi-sensei get whipped through the air by a chain of clones holding on to one another's feet. They slammed him into a tree, hard, and then dispersed.

"That's a neat trick," Kakashi-sensei said from behind me. "It looks like you've been practicing quite a lot with the kage bunshin jutsu."

I twisted around, trying to catch him with a backhand, but he just leaned out of the way, his eye contorted into a smile the whole time. Despite missing, I was grinning widely. "I'll get you this time! Kage Bunshin Barraarrghg!"

"Konoha Taijutsu Ultimate Art: Thousand Years of Pain," Kakashi-sensei called out as I arced through the air and landed in the nearby lake with a splash.

Bastard.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Inspired mainly by "Naruto: Game of the Year Edition" (which needs to update more, dammit!), have YetAnotherVideoGame Fic!**

**Two major differences from the start, though.**

** One, there isn't going to be some supreme being running the game for their own amusement. Or rather, there will be (as witnessed by the passive trolling of Naruto above) but they won't be an actual character in the story. Second, I'm going with a bastardized D&D RPG style system, with a mix of base stats (in the character screen, not shown yet), skills (fuin-gen-nin-tai), abilities (active, with trees and skill requirements) and traits (passive, with trees and skill requirements). The "game," even if Naruto doesn't understand it, will follow consistent rules.  
><strong>

**I'm undecided if I want to use Achievements or not. They can be fun(ny), certainly, but I'm not sure how I'd fit them in yet.**

**Also, I'm going with a version of Naruto at least _close _to canon, though he'll be a little smarter and wiser than the canon version. He's already losing his obsession with Sasuke because no, but I may try to salvage Sakura as I go through the story.  
><strong>

**There's one other aspect to the game system that I don't think anyone else has done before... *evil grin*  
><strong>

**And damn if the idea of Naruto pumping all of his points into "ninjutsu" because he thinks it's awesome doesn't strike me as hilarious.**

**Oh, and if anyone has any ideas for the title of the story, let me know. I'm pulling a blank for anything that isn't absurdly literal or a reference to an existing game (Baldur's Gate II: Shadows of Amn, in this case). I didn't want to use the "Cage" theme, as this isn't Kuushou.  
><strong>


	14. Naruto: Ramen Days II, Chapter 2

"You all... pass!" Kakashi-sensei exclaimed after finishing his doom and gloom routine.

"Yay," I muttered, not even bothering trying to fake enthusiasm this time. "Can I untie Sakura-chan now?"

"Of course!" Kakashi-sensei said. "It's good that you're looking out for your teammates, Naruto, Sasuke. Those who can't follow the rules are trash, but those who abandon their teammates are worse than trash." He always managed to work that into his speech somehow, I'd noticed.

"Naruto! Hurry up and untie me!"

"On it, Sakura-chan!" I said, pulling out a kunai and slicing through the ropes. The moment she was free she jumped towards Sasuke-teme, squealing happily.

"Isn't it great that we passed, Sasuke-kun?" she chattered. "We should go get lunch to celebrate!"

"Hn," Sasuke-teme grunted, stalking out of the clearing. He always looked pissed after the bell test for some reason that I still hadn't figured out. He got to be on a team with me and Sakura-chan! What could be more awesome than that?

Sakura-chan looked hurt at being ignored, so I immediately tried to cheer her up. "We definitely should go celebrate," I said. "Our first lunch as official genin of Konoha!" That offer hadn't worked out so well last time though, so I added, "We should invite the other teams too, assuming they passed."

Sakura-chan looked thoughtful for a moment, then nodded. "Yeah, we should! I can't wait to see the look on Ino-pig's face now that it's official!"

Since it wasn't going to be just the two of us, I didn't want to go to Ichiraku's; I was saving that for something special, like our first date. "How does Yakiniku Q sound? Everyone likes to eat there, right?"

"Sure!" Sakura-chan said, nodding. She paused then, an odd look passing over her face. Her mouth opened and closed a couple of times before she said, "You aren't nearly as annoying as I thought you'd be. You haven't mentioned that ramen place even once."

"We could go there if you-"

"No! Barbeque is good! I'll go tell Sasuke-kun and then Ino's team, so you go tell the other team, alright?" She then ran out of the clearing without waiting for my reply.

I scratched my cheek, feeling a little embarrassed. This was the first time Sakura-chan complimented me like that in... anyway, it felt good to know that all my efforts were paying off.

I turned and headed towards where Team Kurenai were undergoing their test. The training ground wasn't that far away, and I'd been there a few times in the past- er, future... whatever. I'd been there.

I stopped at the edge of the clearing and watched as Kiba and Shino sparred. I saw Hinata sitting off the to the side, panting slightly, and assumed that she had just finished sparring herself.

"Can I help you, Uzumaki-san?" came a voice from behind me.

I spun around, pointing at the team's jounin instructor. "Gah! Don't do that!" I yelled.

The black-haired jounin just raised one delicate eyebrow. "Is there something you needed with my team?"

"Oh, yeah! All of us are getting together for lunch to celebrate becoming genin, and I'm here to invite you guys."

"I see," Kurenai responded coolly. "Well, we were just about to break for lunch, so I suppose we can attend. It would have been nice to receive more notice than this, however."

I rubbed the back of my head sheepishly. "Well, we kinda just passed and decided this, so... yeah."

"Lunch sounds awesome!" Kiba said as he bounced over. "Where are we going?"

"Yakiniku Q," I replied.

"That is acceptable," Shino said stoically. I turned to get Hinata's reply only to find her standing about twenty feet away, ducking her head and pressing the tips of her index fingers together. Hinata could be awesome sometimes – she had the same nindo as me, so how could she not? – but then there were time like this where she just got _weird._

"Hey, Hinata! How does lunch sound?" I called out.

Hinata just swayed slightly before pitching over backwards, her face bright red.

I heard Kurenai let out a quiet sigh while Kiba muttered something under his breath.

"Is she ok?" I asked, concerned. She did that an awful lot.

"Hinata-san will be attending," Shino replied stoically.

"Um... ok?" I said.

* * *

><p>Our group ended up taking three booths once we reached Yakiniku Q: Asuma and Kurenai were in one booth, Team Asuma and Sakura were in another, and I was sitting in a third with Team Kurenai. Sasuke, in a development that didn't surprise me in the least, had chosen not to attend. I'm not sure if anyone managed to let Kakashi-sensei know about the whole lunch thing, because he wasn't here either.<p>

I was sitting next to Kiba – and Akamaru, can't forget Akamaru – while Shino sat across from me and Hinata sat next to him. I would _swear _that she kept looking at me, but every time I looked directly at her she was staring at her plate, her face bright red.

I could hear Sakura-chan and Ino getting into another argument already, but it sounded like just another variation on who Sasuke-teme liked more.

"Hey," I said suddenly, "what do you think the difference between an 'army of one' and a 'one man army' is?"

"What kinda question is that?" Kiba asked. Akamaru barked, and I'd spent enough time around the pair to interpret that as an agreeing bark.

Shino stoically adjusted his sunglasses slightly before responding, "My first thought is that they mean essentially the same thing. Is this a riddle, or perhaps a saying I am not familiar with?"

"Nah, nothin' like that," I said, disappointed.

"Um," came a quiet voice, "s-since they are c-contrasted like that, m-maybe 'army of one' means a single p-person who is as strong as an army, w-while the other i-is an a-army made of a s-single person?"

"Oh," Kiba said suddenly, "you mean like someone who made a lot of clones or something, right?"

I just stared at Hinata for a long moment before grinning widely. "That makes a lot of sense, Hinata-chan! You're awesome! Even Sakura-chan didn't figure that out!"

I felt a jolt of concern as Hinata swayed in her seat, but Shino's hand shot out and grasped her shoulder stoically, steadying her. "Are you alright? That's the second time you almost fainted...," I said.

"Awe-awesome," Hinata squeaked, ducking her head and pressing her fingers together.

"She will be fine, Uzumaki-san," Shino said stoically, cautiously removing his hand from her shoulder. "She is perfectly healthy."

"Alright," I said slowly, settling back into my seat. I rubbed my chin thoughtfully, pondering what Hinata had said. "I get 'One Man Army' then, but what would 'Army of One' do...?"

"What are you talking about?" Kiba asked, a confused look on his face.

"Oh, sorry," I said. "Just thinking out loud."

* * *

><p>"Naruto!" Sakura-chan screamed, looking horrified. "How could you do that to that poor cat?"<p>

"Poor cat? _Poor cat?_" I pointed to the small crater that had formed nearby, and the feline that was wobbling drunkenly out of it while mewling piteously. I had just used Kage Bunshin Barrage on Tora to cut down on the risk this mission carried considerably, but Sakura-chan didn't seem to understand that.

Yep, even as I watched she rushed over and picked up the monstrous thing, cooing gently to it as she did so. Damn, but she looked so cute doing that. No! Focus!

"That _poor cat _is a menace to society!" I exclaimed. "It tried to claw my eyes out! Twice!"

"Quit lying, Naruto!" Sakura-chan said. "It didn't even touch you before you slammed it into the ground!"

Oh, right. That hadn't actually happened this time around.

"Heheheh...," I said, blushing and rubbing the back of my head. "Sorry?"

Sakura just sniffed and stalked past me cradling the cat in her arms. Sasuke followed along behind her, his hands stuffed in his pockets and brooding silently. I stiffened when I felt a hand drop onto my shoulder.

"Naruto...," Kakashi said slowly. I turned to look at him, expecting him to be just as upset as Sakura. He stared at me several seconds, then his eye crinkled into a smile. "Good job!" he said, giving me a thumbs up.

"Huh?"

"Once we get back, we'll have beaten Gai's record by a good twenty minutes. And I agree, that cat is an absolute menace."

I relaxed and smiled back, grinning widely. "No problem, Kakashi-sensei!"

* * *

><p>I wandered into my kitchen, reflexively checking to see if the words "Level Up" had appeared yet, but no such luck. Feeling bored, I decided to see if any of the other options had changed.<p>

"Inventory," I said as I shoved a cup of ramen into the microwave. It sucked that there wasn't a "cook ramen faster" ability, that would actually be useful all the time.

**Naruto Uzumaki**

"Oh, come on!" I yelled. "Naruto Uzumaki," I said through gritted teeth.

**Naruto Uzumaki currently has: **

**Ryo: 132**

**Black Shirt**

**Cup Ramen x37**

**Kunai Pouch x2**

**Orange Jacket**

**Orange Pants**

**Key Item: Konoha Headband**

"Hmm... I'm running low on ramen again," I mused. Still, other than letting me know that, there was nothing new there. "Log," I said next.

**Active Mission: None**

**Active Mission Details: N/A**

**Arc: Team Seven**

**You have completed: **

**D-ranks: 7**

**C-ranks: 0**

**B-ranks: 0**

**A-ranks: 0**

**S-ranks: 0**

**Special Events: 1**

I jumped at that last one. "Special events? What the hell?" I waited for it to explain, but no new words got shoved into my head.

"Screw you," I mumbled. I pulled my ramen out of the microwave and added another mechanically as I pondered what that "special" mission could be. Obviously none of the stuff I had done in a previous life counted or I would have a lot more D-ranks, not to mention that A-rank mission to Wave.

That had been zero the first time I checked the log, which was... uh, once? The very first time I saw it? Crap. What the hell did I do between the night before the bell test and now that counted as a special event?

"Characters," I muttered around a mouthful of ramen.

**Naruto Uzumaki**

"You are such an ass," I growled. "Naruto Uzumaki."

**Naruto Uzumaki – Genin**

**Level: 5**

**Rank: D**

**Experience Points: 542/6,000**

**Statistics:**

**Power: 7**

**Precision: 3**

**Toughness: 4**

**Vitality: 10 (15)**

**Skills:**

**Fuinjutsu: 1**

**Genjutsu: 1**

**Ninjutsu: 26**

**Taijutsu: 1**

**Abilities: **

**Kage Bunshin Barrage (*)**

**Traits:**

**Kami's Luck**

**Jinchuuriki**

**Will of Fire**

"Hmm... I would have sworn that those statistics were different the first time I looked," I muttered to myself, struggling to remember what they had been. I'm sure that vitality was eight and twelve before, because it stood out so much. And the other numbers had been two, four, and six? Maybe?

"Gah, I should have been checking that more often."

* * *

><p>I eyed the puddle of water warily as we approached. These bastards were nothing compared to what we would be fighting in the future, but they were still the very first enemy ninja I had ever faced. They would also be a useful way to measure just how much I had grown since the last time.<p>

I walked past, doing my best not to stare at the puddle, and waited for them to emerge. The moment they came out of the water and began to attack Kakashi-sensei, I acted.

"Kage Bunshin Barrage! Kage Bunshin Barrage!" I shouted. I watched in satisfaction as one of the missing-nin – I could never remember their names, and they wore masks anyway – was launched into the air with a Naruto Uzumaki Combo while the other was buried under a horde of clones. I struck a heroic pose and turned to Sakura-chan, smiling widely.

"Ha! You have nothing to fear while Naruto is here!" Hey, that even rhymed! Double-awesome.

"You'll pay for that, you little shit," one of the missing-nin muttered as he picked himself up off of the ground.

"You want some more, huh?" I said, laughing. I pointed imperiously at them, but before I could say anything Sasuke-teme darted past me and kicked one of them in the face before using the guy's head as a springboard and back-flipping onto the other one, crushing him to the ground.

"Go Sasuke-kun!" Sakura-chan cheered.

"Hn," Sasuke-teme grunted, looking smug.

"Bah. He couldn't have done that if I hadn't softened them up first," I muttered.

"Good job, team," Kakashi-sensei said as he tied up the enemy ninja. "Although, Naruto...," he said slowly, "you might want to consider learning some other techniques. That move isn't going to work on everyone, and the more you use it the more likely an enemy will be prepared for it."

"Yeah, Naruto," Sakura-chan said, nodding sagely, "you can't just use the same move all the time. I bet Sasuke-kun knows lots of moves!"

"Hn."

I would have sworn I just heard Kakashi sigh to himself, but when I looked over suspiciously he was still busy tying up the ninja.

A moment later he turned to Tazuna-jiji and started grilling him about why ninja were here. I could have told him all of this – I even tried, the first time – but they never believed me. I wouldn't have either if I wasn't living it, though, so I didn't hold it against them.

Besides, this time I was going to make damn sure Haku doesn't die again. Believe it!

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I decided to go with the Guild Wars II stat system, just to make my life easier.**

**You may have noticed that there is no "jutsu" listing anywhere. There won't be, because the jutsu he learns actually carry through and aren't determined by the game. Instead, all of his stats have an impact on how effective they are and so on. I also don't plan to give numbers to health, chakra reserves, etc. Naruto can't actually get at that information out in the field anyway.**

**Naruto will also be improving in ways that have nothing to do with the listed stats in terms of his intelligence, experience, and knowledge of jutsu. My intent with that is to represent the influence the _player _can have on a game, as opposed to a character. Knowledge of upcoming events, enemy weaknesses and strengths, etc.**

**I also have the vague outline of a formal RPG system in my head. I know what everything I have revealed so far does in general, but once Naruto finally learns how to access the help function (I have two alternatives in mind for that, it just depends on which I think is funnier by the time that scene rolls around) I'll be posting all of that information in either the author's notes or as separate chapters.**

**Free (virtual) cookies to anyone who correctly guesses what any of the non-affinity traits listed so far actually do.**

**Also, Annara Ren gets an entire batch of cookies for suggesting the new title for the story!  
><strong>


	15. The Bonus Cage, Omake 02

-One Dialogue, Two Conversations-

(Humor, Not Canon)

Hinata had just finished drying off and getting dressed when she realized that she had left the water in the shower running. As she reached in to turn it off, she froze as she heard a strange sound coming from the room where Naruto and Ino were resting. Leaving the water running, she crept forward and pressed her ear against the door.

"That feels... good," Ino said.

"So I'm told," Naruto replied. Hinata could hear the smirk in his voice.

"What else can you do?" Ino asked challengingly.

"Well... there's this," Naruto said, doing something that caused Ino to gasp.

Hinata couldn't hear what happened after that, because her heart was beating rapidly and blood was pounding in her ears. It took her nearly a minute to calm down, and she nearly let out a yelp of surprise when she heard the thud of wood striking stone.

"Not so hard!" Ino chided.

"You could actually do something, instead of letting me do all the work," Naruto complained.

"You seem to be doing just fine on your own. Feel free to continue," Ino responded playfully.

Hinata zoned out again, a small trickle of blood escaping from one nostril.

"-ing to do about Hinata?" she heard Ino ask when she returned to the land of the living a few minutes later. "She's going to find out eventually."

"I don't know, yet," Naruto answered.

The room was silent for a moment, then Ino said, "Do you think she'd join us?"

Hinata threw herself away from the door, both hands clasped over her mouth in shock as her mind finally processed the implications of what she had just heard. Ino and Naruto were- and they wanted her to-

* * *

><p>Ino watched curiously as Hinata stumbled out of the bathroom, her face bright red and her eyes darting back and forth rapidly, almost like she was nervous or scared. Naruto eyed her curiously for a moment before walking past her into the bathroom to take his own shower.<p>

"I hope you don't mind," Ino began, "but Naruto and I rearranged the beds. It should be a lot easier to get into them now."

Hinata just squeaked a reply, scurrying over to the bed with her backpack on it and beginning to sort through her things.

"How was the shower? You didn't use up all the hot water, did you?" Ino asked menacingly.

Hinata shook her head furiously, blushing.

"Hey, I'm just messing with you," Ino said, seeing how upset her teammate seemed to be. "I know how it is. I've been looking forward to a chance to _relax _ever since we got into this stupid forest. These beds are great for that," she added, emphasizing her point by pushing against the bed to show how much give it had and how comfortable it was.

Hinata swayed slightly, her face bright enough to light the room, before she drew in several deep breaths. Ino watched her in concern, wondering if something really was wrong with her.

"I heard you," Hinata confessed suddenly, causing Ino to freeze.

"Heard what?" Ino asked, trying to hide her sudden tension. If Hinata had overheard her discussion with Naruto about his experiments with his youki, or worse yet the bit where she referred to his true nature...

"Y-you and N-N-Naruto... E-everything," Hinata stuttered, staring down at her hands.

"Oh," Ino said softly. The room was quiet for a minute, the faint splash of water from the next room the only sound. "What are you going to do about it?"

"I won't tell anyone!" Hinata insisted, looking directly at Ino for the first time since entering the room. She blushed again and went back to staring at her hands. "I'm s-sorry," she said. "I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but I overheard you and I just..."

Ino gasped softly when she noted the tears falling down Hinata's face and quickly crossed the room to wrap her teammate in a hug. Hinata stiffened at the contact, but then slowly relaxed into it as her tears continued to flow.

"Hey, don't worry about it. We were going to tell you eventually, just... you know, not like _that_."

Hinata let out a noise that was some strange cross between a sob and a laugh.

"A-about what you said... at the end," Hinata said. "About me joining you."

Ino tensed. "Yes?" she asked softly.

"I... I don't know, right now. I need to th-think. I mean... this changes e-everything."

"Hey," Ino said, tightening the hug slightly. "Don't worry about it. As long as you don't tell anyone, that's all we ask. And, really, nothing has changed. It's still us, you know? Just... now there's this trifling little detail that you didn't know before."

Hinata nodded, slowly relaxing into the hug. "Yeah... you're right."

* * *

><p>Sakura moved away from the door that lead into Team Kakashi's room, eyes wide. She couldn't have heard what she thought she just did, right?<p>

* * *

><p>"Kurenai-sensei?" Sakura asked her teacher. "Is it normal for people on the same team to get... <em>closer<em> to each other?"

Kurenai smiled gently. She had expected this sort of question to come up eventually, but not quite _this _soon. "Well, Sakura," she began slowly, "ninja on the same team go through some harrowing and frightening experiences, and the best teams quickly learn to trust each other with their lives. Most teams either develop deep and lasting friendships or break apart within a year at most."

"I-I meant, um, _closer_ than that."

Kurenai nodded calmly. "Sometimes those feelings of trust and camaraderie can turn into something deeper, yes. Officially, Konoha prefers that members of the same team not become involved with each other in that manner. Unofficially, as long as it doesn't become a problem everyone turns a blind eye to it. There are also examples where teamwork and effectiveness in the field actually improve under those circumstances.

"That said, especially for the... younger genin, those sorts of feelings often prove disastrous as none of the people involved are really prepared for it. The third member of the team can often feel left out or slighted, which is the most common way to destroy any sense of cohesion among the team. Given the way most teams are structured, the two male ninja often end up coming to blows or getting themselves killed trying to show off if things are left unchecked for too long."

The former had been the fate of her own team, unfortunately. It was only made worse that she hadn't been particularly interested in either one of her teammates, though both had convinced themselves otherwise.

Sakura nodded slowly, absorbing her words with the same focus that she put into her genjutsu lessons. She blushed suddenly and looked away. "A-and... and if it was two girls instead?"

Kurenai's brow furrowed; there was only one genin team with two female members right now, and- suddenly, the meaning of Sakura's blush and the way her student couldn't look her in the eye became clear to her. She should have seen the signs sooner, she chided herself; Sakura was gifted in genjutsu, certainly, but in retrospect she had been a little _too _eager to attend the extra one-on-one genjutsu lessons. Sakura had also shown little interest in either of her male teammates, both of whom were above average in terms of looks and intelligence.

"It's not unusual for one kunoichi to feel that way about another," Kurenai answered carefully, "regardless of what eventually comes of it. For some it's a passing fancy, while others realize that it's more than that. As with the other relationships, as long as it doesn't cause problems Konoha doesn't interfere."

Sakura nodded quickly, her face glowing bright red. "Um, Kurenai-sensei, I think-" she began.

Kurenai sighed, interrupting her student before she could ask the question or, even worse, just outright confess.

"Things can be very confusing when you're young," she said. "Even if you seem certain of something in the heat of the moment, there is no harm in taking a step back and thinking things through. Not everything needs to be rushed into. Ok?"

Sakura's expression brightened and some of the tension eased out of her frame. "You're right," she chirped. "I'll wait until I'm sure before I say anything further." With that, she spun on her heel and bounced out of the room.

Kurenai relaxed marginally. It wasn't quite the conversation she had anticipated, but she felt she had managed to address her student's worries without hurting her feelings or damaging their professional relationship. She'd have to be a little more careful about their training sessions, though, to avoid potentially giving Sakura the wrong impression.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: This is mostly for humor, but I also want to see just how far I can take this before it becomes too ridiculous. I've got the final scene planned out (and written, actually, at least a first draft of it) but I felt I could squeeze _at least _two more levels of misunderstandings out of it. **

**I absolutely _love _the One Dialogue, Two Conversations trope (when done right) and I'll be trying my damnedest to do it properly here. I think I've got a pretty good start so far.**

**As for my other stories, I'll be posting the next chapter of The Empty Cage on the 14th, and probably another chapter of Ramen Days around that time frame as well. That one has been going pretty quickly, and I've got most of the next chapter written for it already.  
><strong>


	16. The Hollow Cage

Kuushou stepped out of the portal into a new world... and was thoroughly unimpressed.

Sand stretched as far as his eye could see in every direction, the world apparently nothing more than a featureless, flat plain. A small gust of wind swept past him, ruffling his blonde hair and dark clothing and pelting him with miniscule grains of grit.

His blood red eyes swept in every direction and he focused on his senses, but he saw nothing and felt nothing. There was nothing living in this place, not for miles.

He was tempted to simply open another portal and continue on his way – this wouldn't be the first barren world he had encountered, but before he could he noticed a ripple of motion in the sand. A small hump seemed to be moving towards him, undulating back and forth as if it were a snake. His eyes narrowed as he watched it come closer; despite the evidence of another creature in the vicinity, he still felt _nothing_.

He leapt to the side quickly when the thing under the sand got too close, just in time to avoid its attack as it lunged upwards. Now that it had emerged from the sand, he could see that it was a snake, of a sort; it was bone white with patterned black markings covering its skin, but it was the head that drew his attention the most. It had large, gaping jaws filled to the brim with sharp teeth, and covering its eyes and nose was some sort of mask, patterned the same as the rest of its body. He also noticed a hole at the base of its skull, going all the way from back to front yet apparently causing it no pain or injury.

"Fooo_oood_," the thing said, startling Kuushou out of his examination.

"Food?" he repeated. His face split into a wide grin. "You mean _me? _I think not."

He pulled out a kunai and launched it at the thing's eye, but the weapon just bounced off without leaving so much as a scratch. The thing didn't react to the attack either, instead lunging towards him yet again.

Frowning slightly, he used his youki to create a ball of fire that engulfed the snake. He heard a hiss of pain, but the creature continued its attack, its skin barely singed.

Kuushou's other attempts to battle the creature ended similarly, with the thing either shrugging off his blows or taking far less damage than it should have. After nearly a minute of this, punctuated by the thing's continuous cries of "Food!" and his own growls of irritation as his attacks proved ineffective, he decided to end it.

Red energy poured out of his body, forming nine long tails that emerged from the base of his spine. Two of the tails lanced forward, and this time the creature could not just shrug off the wound. It screamed in agony as its body dissolved wherever the tails struck and ichor sprayed into the air, but Kuushou did not have time to enjoy the thing's pain.

Something was happening to his youki; some of the white substance that made up the snake had clung to his tails, and rather than dissolving or burning away it seemed to be spreading. He snapped the tail, trying to fling the substance off, but it clung stubbornly. He surrounded it with denser youki and tried to crush it, and that had some success. It didn't destroy the substance, but it seemed to have stopped its advance.

Kuushou turned his attention back to the snake, only to find that despite missing over half of its body it still seemed to be alive. It was currently writhing desperately away, attempting to escape from him. It didn't get very far before another creature burst from the sand, swallowing the thing whole with a single chomp. This one resembled a large bear, though it lacked fur. It swallowed once then turned its attention towards Kuushou.

He didn't want to risk his youki in combat until he understood just what was happening, so instead chose to avoid further fighting for the time being. His speed was still far greater than this new opponent, but as he drew farther away he noticed something rather disturbing.

All around him he could see movement now, the sand rippling and specks of color closing in from all directions. He could even see some of them closing in from the air.

He was surrounded.

He spent nearly an hour trying to force his way through the mass of creatures, using the sand and his large repertoire of jutsu to evade them, but for every one he avoided a hundred more seemed to pop out of nowhere, and all of them seemed to focus on him with single-minded intensity.

He began laughing, then, the sound rising over the roars and cries of the assembled creatures. He didn't have time to open a portal before they would be upon him, and he could feel the white substance contained by his youki slowly growing larger as time passed. It seemed that he would not be able to stop whatever was happening to him.

With that knowledge, Kuushou dropped all restraint. His youki poured out of his body, straining against the limits imposed by the seal. He didn't bother assuming any sort of form, instead just becoming a giant orb of youki that destroyed and consumed all in its path.

The creatures didn't seem to care as they flung themselves at him, their bodies dissolving in moments. For every one that died, though, a little bit of that white substance was left behind.

The youki began to shrink.

Still more creatures attacked, endless waves of them coming from all directions, until at last there was no sign of red anywhere, just a ball of white that grew smaller and smaller.

The creatures paused, then, staring warily as the white substance assumed a vaguely humanoid shape lying on the sand. It bubbled and surged seemingly at random, and pulses of energy washed over the assembled group.

The creatures closest began edging backwards, a more primal instinct overriding their hunger.

The white substance began to acquire definition, some emerging to form a white mask over Kuushou's face while the rest shifted slightly, suggesting muscles and even the vague impression of clothing. Another pulse emerged from the prone form.

The closest creatures turned and began to run, diving into the sand or taking to the air or scrambling desperately over their fellows.

Kuushou's eyes snapped open, their blood red form unchanged.

"**I can sense you now,**" he said. "**My turn.**"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Bleach is a very interesting series to me, for many of the same reasons that Naruto is.**

**As the series progressed, the canon explanations for abilities and so on began to diverge more and more sharply from my own interpretation.  
><strong>

**Zanpakuto are forged from the wielder's soul, but they are actually separate beings? Hollows are supposedly mindless horrors filled with rage and hate, but they actually can have quite complex motivations and emotions? Soul Society is some sort of heaven, but functions under a corrupt and easily manipulated system of government?  
><strong>

**In contrast to Naruto, where the inconsistencies seem due to the author changing his mind or not thinking things through and detract from the story, Bleach almost seems fueled by this dichotomy between how things are explained and the empirical evidence supplied within the story itself. There's so much potential in exploring how and why "common knowledge" has diverged so sharply from how things seem to work from the reader's perspective.  
><strong>

**On the other hand, Ichigo is a particularly grating example of the shounen hero archetype, fueled by determination and arrogance in equal measure. Aizen, Gin, Yamamoto, Yoruichi, Kisuke... the list of compelling, complex characters just goes on and on, and then we have this pissant little teenager showing up out of the middle of nowhere and trying to steal the show because he's essentially been given obscene amounts of power for no real reason.**

**What has me most interested in doing a crossover in this universe, though, is that it's chock full of characters who could compete with Kuushou power-wise, and some that even have more raw power than he does. His confidence actually would be unfounded in this world, and he'd have to work with and against people who actually could be a threat to him.  
><strong>

**Other than the fact that he is initially a Hollow (i.e. he undergoes a transformation that lets him (forces him to) play by the Bleach universe rules), I have no firm plans for when, where, or why he enters the plot. In keeping with the meta-explanation it would have to be reasonably close to the core events of Bleach for him to stick around long enough, but outside of that? Anything would go.  
><strong>

**I do already know what his particular power would be, though, whether it's a Zanpakuto or Resurrecion or whatnot. The only hint I'll give is that it maintains the theme of his range problems, but inverted.  
><strong>


	17. The Power of Youth Compels You!

-The Power of Youth Compels You!-

(Humor)

"Ladies and gentlemen of Konoha! I present to you, our Fifth Hokage, Gai Maito!"

Gai stepped forward onto the balcony, his expression uncharacteristically solemn. There was some scattered cheering, but most of the crowd shared his grim demeanor.

"Thank you all," Gai said. "Our Third Hokage was truly one of a kind, but I will do my utmost to take up his mantle and guide this village safely through the dark days ahead. Through effort and determination, springtime shall bloom in Konoha once again!"

Short, to the point, solemn yet ending on a positive note, and – most of all – not once was the word "youth" uttered; the general consensus was that Gai might just be able to function as the Hokage after all.

* * *

><p>"Here are the papers for your review, Hokage-sama," the clerk said, dropping a large stack of papers onto the desk.<p>

"Yosh! You are shining with the power of youth to be hard at work so early in the morning!" Gai proclaimed, thrusting out his hand and giving the startled clerk a thumbs up.

The clerk, visibly startled, gave him a strained smile and slowly backed out of the room.

"Yosh! I shall work through this stack of documents within an hour! And if I can't do that, I will review the entire Law Code while performing squats! And if I can't do that...!"

The clerk shut the door tightly, sharing a disbelieving glance with his coworkers. And they'd thought that catching the Third reading porn at odd hours was strange...

* * *

><p>The clerk returned two hours later carrying another stack of papers, only to drop them in shock when he found that the entire pile of documents he had delivered earlier were strewn all over the room.<p>

"Wh-what in the...?"

"Yosh! You have arrived at a most youthful time, young Miyabi!" Gai proclaimed from where he was standing horizontally on the wall.

The clerk was shocked again; he _knew _he'd never met the insane ninja who was now their Hokage before, so how did he know his name already?

"It seems that some of the other clerks have become overeager in their youthful enthusiasm!" Gai yelled. "I have found no less than six sets of duplicate documents in the group you delivered earlier, and nearly half of the documents have not been reviewed by the correct departments before they were delivered to me!"

Gai pushed himself off the wall, flipping through the air and landing easily next to the disturbed clerk. "I have grouped the documents according to where they should go with a note for each! I shall entrust you with delivering them while I instruct your fellows on the mistakes that they have made!"

With that, Gai swept out of the room.

"... what just happened?" the clerk asked the empty room.

* * *

><p>"So you see, Hokage-sama, those documents were supposed to go straight to you. They were far too important to languish on the desk of a lowly department head such as myself," the bureaucrat said, smiling thinly.<p>

Gai folded his arms across his thickly muscled chest and let out a contemplative hum. "I see...," he said at length. "If such Youthful pleas are to blossom while still in the Springtime of their Youth, they must indeed reach the eager ears of those who would fuel the Flames of their Youth."

"... uh, right, Hokage-sama," the bureaucrat replied slowly. "Now that we have that matter cleared up...,"

"Yes," Gai said, rubbing his chin, "I shall act immediately so that the Flames of Youth do not falter. Yosh!" he cried suddenly, then turned and sped out of the room.

The bureaucrat blinked, then shook his head. "They sure picked a weird one this time..."

* * *

><p>The clerk gasped and stumbled backwards as he almost ran into someone coming out of the Hokage's Office. The guard at the entrance had said he was the first one in like usual, so he hadn't expected to see anyone.<p>

"Ah, Miyabi-kun! It is wonderful to see your Flames of Youth burning brightly this morning!" the Hokage proclaimed.

The clerk nodded dully as he took in the Hokage's appearance. The man was smiling brightly and moving energetically, but his eyes were shadowed and he was carrying a slim folder tucked under his arm.

"Uh, thank you, Hokage-sama," the clerk managed to reply.

"Alas! I will not be in the office today, as other matters demand my most youthful attention!"

"Of course, Hokage-sama," the clerk replied, already getting used to filtering the Hokage's speech. "I'll make sure all of the documents are organized as you requested when you get back."

"Most youthful indeed, Miyabi-kun! Truly your Flames of Youth are burning brightly!"

* * *

><p>Shadows flitted through the streets as ninja converged on their assigned locations.<p>

"Our task is grim," Gai said somberly to the group he was leading. "Some elements of our village have been ignoring the rule of their Hokage and yet continue to perpetrate most unyouthful acts in the name of Konoha. We must act now, before the village's Springtime wilts any farther.

"Yosh!" Gai shouted in a whisper. "Let the Flames of Youth sustain us! Forward!"

* * *

><p>"The fact is, Hokage-sama, that you are really the only one who can make decisions on those matters," another bureaucrat said. "Such matters are far too sensitive to let someone inexperienced in ninja matters like myself to decide."<p>

Gai nodded thoughtfully. "Indeed," he agreed, "only a ninja who has experienced the Springtime of Youth in its fullness could understand the complexities of such issues."

"I'm glad that you agree, Hokage-sama."

"Yosh! Let us delay no longer!" Gai declared suddenly, and sped out of the room.

* * *

><p>"Miyabi-kun! As always, your Youthfulness shines through as you greet the dawn with hard work and perseverance!"<p>

"Thank you, Hokage-sama," the clerk replied, smiling. He had to admit, while the new Hokage took some getting used to, his enthusiasm and dedication was quite infectious. He would never say anything bad about the Third – the man had guided Konoha for longer than he had been alive, after all – but "enthusiastic" is not how anyone would describe the former Hokage's demeanor.

"If you would deliver these documents to their recipients, we can both proceed with this most Youthful day," Gai said, motioning to a small stack of papers on his desk.

"Of course, Hokage-sa... ma?" Miyabi trailed off, his eyes widening when he reflexively scanned the first document he had picked up.

"Is there a problem, Miyabi-kun?" Gai asked.

"N-no, Hokage-sama," Miyabi said, straightening his back quickly. "I-it's just, that, well..."

"The Most Youthful Tori and Ushi shall accompany you on your deliveries, Miyabi-kun, to prevent any outbreaks of excessive Youthfulness," Gai continued, smiling.

"... thank you, Hokage-sama."

* * *

><p>"Gai Maito!" Koharu snapped as she pushed open the door to the Hokage's Office. "Have you lost what little sense you had left in your head?"<p>

Gai looked up from his paperwork, then lowered himself from where he was holding his body horizontally off the floor by gripping the desk. As he settled into his seat, he made a small hand motion and the ANBU in the room filed out, closing and sealing the door behind them.

"Good," Homura added, adjusting his glasses. "The ANBU don't need to hear this. Now then, what in Kami's name possessed you to fire half the department heads? Not just them, either! You've practically gutted our government overnight!"

Gai nodded solemnly, folding his arms over his chest. "It was quite tragic, how so many people were wasting their Springtime of Youth trapped in unsatisfying, unrewarding jobs," he said. "Their Flames of Youth had nearly gone out, and I acted while I still could."

"What nonsense are you spouting, boy?" Homura snapped. "We have to figure out how to undo this without making you look as incompetent as you are!" He turned to Koharu, adjusting his glasses again. "I _told _you we should have forced Jiraiya to take the job."

"He would never have accepted, and _you _were the one who didn't want to wait to find Tsunade!"

"Who knows where she could be now? Besides, she's been drinking herself into a coma for the last ten years; there's no way she's fit to lead a flock of sheep, much less a Hidden Village."

Gai pulled out a single sheet from the stack of papers he had been studying, and slid it across the desk. Koharu and Homura glanced at it before paling.

"W...what have you _done_?" Homura gasped, staggering forward and catching himself against the desk.

"A most _unyouthful_ group of ninja were operating within Konoha, hiding their malicious activities within our walls and under our streets," he said. "I... _rooted out _the poison and am working to rekindle the Flames of Youth in those who were led astray."

"You... you...," Koharu stammered, looking like she was about to throw up.

Gai nodded, then slid another piece of paper across the desk.

"While I appreciate that you have nearly exhausted your Flames of Youth serving this village, some of your actions have been most _unyouthful _indeed."

"You can't do this!" Homura gasped, forcing himself back to his feet. "We have been advising the Hokage for over fifty years! We have given everything to secure the future of this village! You aren't going to just toss us aside because we were willing to make the hard decisions when Sarutobi wouldn't!"

"I feel that you no longer have the Youthfulness required to keep this village in its Springtime," Gai said. "You can sign that form, or not. Either way, I cannot allow myself to support such unyouthfulness."

"You really have lost your mind," Koharu muttered. "I'm sorry, Gai, but for the good of Konoha we can't allow you to continue as Hokage. Kami only knows how much damage you've already done. We'll just ha-"

Two thuds announced the unconscious bodies of Koharu and Homura hitting the floor.

"Most unyouthful indeed," he said, shaking his head. He looked up at Kakashi, who was pulling out his book and opening it back up to his bookmarked page. "Thank you for the help, my friend. I feared I would have to injure them gravely should I fight them head on."

"Don't worry about it, Hokage-sama," Kakashi replied. His voice hardened. "I saw the same reports you did. They have been in power for far too long."

Gai sighed and nodded. Then he shook himself and cried out, "Yosh! Kakashi! I find myself in need of an adviser! What do you say?"

Kakashi glanced up from his book for a moment.

"Hmm? Did you say something?"

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** **This idea came up as part of another convo, and I just had to follow up on it.**

**I pounded out most of this starting a 1 AM last night, but when I uploaded and started to do some quick editing in the ff dot net editor, I ended up accidentally moving to another page and losing all of my edits. That happens far, far too often, and really pisses me off.  
><strong>


	18. TPOYCY, Ch 2: High Rollers

"I'm sorry, Hokage-sama, but there's nothing more we can do," the doctor said apologetically, his voice low. "We are at the limits of our-"

"That will be all," Gai said, not even looking at the doctor directly. His gaze was directed instead through the mirror and into the operating room where his - favorite, though he would never admit that he favored one over another, even slightly - student was recovering from the most recent surgery.

A surgery that had, yet again, failed to repair the damage caused by Suna's jinchuuriki.

He remained there for much longer than he could really afford to, wondering just what all his training and practice and power were really worth when he couldn't help his precious student in his hour of greatest need. Then his sharp hearing caught the nurses murmuring a name - Tsunade.

He turned on his heel sharply and left the room, returning to the Hokage's - his, he reminded himself - office.

* * *

><p>"This is because I didn't take the adviser post, isn't it?"<p>

"Kakashi! I would never diminish my flames of youth by misusing my power in such a manner!" Gai scolded him, frowning.

After a moment, Kakashi slowly nodded. "Alright, I'll give you that. But then, why...?"

"The most youthful Naruto-kun," here Gai paused to give Naruto a thumbs up and a smile, both of which were enthusiastically returned by the genin, "expressed a desire to help Lee in any way he could. When I remembered that you, his teacher, are quite skilled at tracking yourself, I knew what I must do."

"I understand that, Hoka-"

"Ah!"

"... Gai," Kakashi continued, "but without a place to start such a mission could take months."

"Fear not, my eternal rival!" Gai proclaimed. "The esteemed Jiraiya has begun the search even as he performs his other duties! He already has a lead, and has promised to contact you with updates. I estimate it should be a matter of weeks, not months, before you locate her."

"Still, this is more of a B-rank mission. I'm not sure that-"

"Oh come on, Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto interrupted, pouting. "All we gotta do is find this Tsunade lady and-"

"Naruto!" Sakura growled as she slapped the back of his head, rocking him forward on his feet. "That's Tsunade-_sama! _She is one of the strongest ninja Konoha has ever produced!"

"Hn," Sasuke muttered, an interested gleam in his eyes.

Sakura didn't seem to notice, as her gaze was focused elsewhere and her eyes sparkling. "It would be so amazing to actually get a chance to meet her! She might even give me some advice on how to get stronger, kunoichi to kunoichi! And then," she trailed off, her face turning away from Sasuke with a growing blush, "_kya!_"

"Truly, the Flames of Youth burn bright on your team, Kakashi! I would expect nothing less from you!" Gai said, grinning at Kakashi.

Kakashi looked at the eager expressions of his students, then back to Gai. "I'm still not sure that another team wouldn't be better suited for this," he began, "... but we'll take it," he finished with a sigh.

* * *

><p>-Three Weeks Later-<p>

"Greetings, Tsunade-sama," Kakashi said respectfully.

"Not interested."

"I- I haven't even said anything yet," he pointed out.

"You should keep it that way. Now get lost." Tsunade said dismissively, not even looking up from her cards as the dealer at the Blackjack table passed them out.

"Why are you wearing a genjutsu?" Sasuke asked bluntly, interrupting whatever his teacher had been about to say.

"What genjutsu?" Sakura asked curiously, looking between Sasuke and the blonde-haired woman with massive, _obviously _fake assets her teacher was talking to. The black-haired lady standing at her side - who was holding a pig in her arms for some strange reason - was making frantic shushing motions and looking panicked.

"What's he talking about Ka-" she turned to asked her teacher, only to find that he had vanished at some point in the last few seconds. "Kakashi-sensei?"

"If you want to keep those eyes in your head," the blonde woman said slowly, "I would deactivate them and leave them that way."

Sasuke just scoffed. "Kakashi-sensei, are you sure this is Tsunade? She doesn't seem like-" his voice abruptly cut off as the woman had someone reached over without him even noticing and was currently holding the eyelids on his right eye open with two of her fingers. Her thumb was floating a few centimeters above his pupil, wavering back and forth as if it could slip at any moment.

The woman still hadn't looked up from her cards, instead tapping the table and receiving another card. "Bust," the dealer said calmly, already turning to the next player.

Tsunade's hand twitched, causing Sasuke to start sweating, and she cursed. "That one's your fault, Uchiha," she growled, turning to look at the genin she held captive for the first time. "And what did I _just _tell you about your eyes?"

Sasuke's eyes faded to black immediately.

Sakura finally shook off her stupor. "What are you doing to Sasuke-kun?" she snapped, taking a step forward.

The woman turned to her, her beautiful face marred by a sneer. "Teaching him to respect his betters, something it seems you need to learn as well, girly. At least Sakumo's brat has some sense in his head."

"Maa, maa," Kakashi-sensei said placatingly as he suddenly reappeared. "They're just very excited to meet someone as famous and respected as the vener- amazing Tsunade-sama. Isn't that right, Sasuke, Sakura, Naruto?"

"But Kakashi-sensei, she's-"

"_Isn't that right?_"

"... yes," Sakura whispered quietly.

"Sasuke?"

Sasuke still hadn't moved, because Tsunade was still holding his eyelids open. Sweat was pouring down his face and his eye was starting to turn red as it dried out.

"Tsunade-sama, I would be most grateful if you would release my genin. I'm sure he's learned his lesson by now..."

"Hmm? I dunno, his eye's looking a little _red _right now. He might need a more permanent reminder."

"Tsunade-sama...," the black-haired woman finally spoke up, her voice plaintive.

"Fine, fine," Tsunade muttered, releasing her hold on Sasuke. The Uchiha immediately backed up several feet and began blinking rapidly.

"Sasuke?" Kakashi said pointedly.

"It's an honor to meet someone as strong as you, Tsunade-sama," the boy said. They all paused, looking at him curiously, because it almost sounded like he actually meant it.

"Naruto?"

"..."

"Naruto..." Kakashi groaned, turning to his most stubborn genin - which was actually saying something, he reflected. His most stubborn genin who _wasn't there_.

"Who are you talking about, Kakashi?" Tsunade muttered, staring at him askance.

"Sakura? Sasuke? When's the last time you saw Naruto?"

"Umm..."

"Hn..."

"_Please _tell me we didn't lose track of _Naruto _in this high-end, _very expensive, Y__akuza-run _casino."

Neither of his students said anything.

* * *

><p>"So let me get this straight," Naruto muttered, squinting his eyes and staring at the smiling girl behind the counter. "You guys'll just <em>give <em>me a bunch of money to play with, and all I have to do is return the same amount at the end of the day?"

"That is correct, Ninja-sama," the girl said, her smile widening. "Seigyou Casino prides itself on offering this and many other services to our respected clients. It would be an honor to assist an upstanding ninja such as yourself."

Naruto grinned as he relaxed, his face beaming as he quickly signed the paper and accepted the large pile of chips from the girl. "Man, you guys are _awesome!_ I can totally see why Kakashi-sensei brought us here now. Thanks, nee-chan!"

"You are most welcome, Uzumaki-sama," the girl replied. "The chips you have can also be exchanged for food and drinks anywhere within the building, so if you find yourself desiring anything please speak to one of our many servers. They would be more than happy to assist you."

"Do you have ramen?" Naruto asked immediately, his eyes shining.

"We pride ourselves on having one of the best ramen chefs in all of Tanzaku-Gai," the girl said without missing a beat. After a moment, her expression grew concerned. "Uzumaki-sama, are you alright?"

Naruto nodded his head, wiping his eyes quickly and sending her another beaming smile. "Best. Mission. _Ever_."

The girl's expression faltered for a moment. She glanced around quickly, then leaned forward. "Uzumaki-sama," she said in a conspiratorial whisper. Naruto perked up and leaned in, wondering why he felt funny when she started whispering into his ear. "It is merely a suggestion, but I think you'll have the most fun if you go to table eight-nine-three and tell the dealer that Saeko sent you."

Naruto nodded eagerly, sending her another grin and ignoring the small blush on his face. "I will, Saeko-nee-chan!" With that, he took off into the casino.

The girl frowned for a moment, then turned back to her work. The poor boy was still going to end up in debt to the yakuza, but at least Mari would take it easy on him. He would probably be able to work the debt off in a few months, even less if he was any good as a ninja. And who knows, he might end up sticking around here while he did so and then she'd have a connection of her own to work with.

* * *

><p>"Ok. Ok. Let's not panic," Kakashi said firmly to his students.<p>

"They seem to be doing fine to me," Tsunade added from the sidelines, absently playing – and losing – a few more hands of blackjack as she watched this much more interesting drama unfold.

He took a grip on Sakura and Sasuke's shoulders, squeezing to make sure that he had their attention. "We are going to immediately start sweeping this casino from top to bottom until we can locate Naruto. As soon as you find him, you are to engage the target and keep him distracted until the others can arrive."

"Target? Really, Kakashi?" Tsunade chuckled to herself.

"Under no circumstances are you to let him engage in any gambling activities or consume any alcohol. Buy him food if you have to, just keep him occupied. I'll reimburse you later."

"What's the big deal, Kakashi-sensei?" Sakura asked curiously. "It's not like Naruto's going to get hurt or anything. He probably just got distracted by something and is now annoying someone to death by regaling them with the virtues of ramen."

"Ramen?" Tsunade asked curiously, taking another card on her nine-ten hand.

"Sakura?" Kakashi asked sweetly. "What happened the last time Naruto fought someone?"

"Uh... he summoned a giant toad and leveled a couple of miles of forest outside of Konoha?"

Tsunade's hand jerked, spilling a large portion of her chips over her cards and raising her bet by nearly a fifty thousand ryo. "A toad?" she muttered to herself.

"And what did he do the last time someone pissed him off?"

"Nearly got himself killed beating a Hyuuga in a fist fight?" Sakura muttered.

Tsunade's eyebrow rose curiously. That wasn't something you heard every day. She absently split her pair of sevens, not even noticing as the dealer pulled almost all of her remaining chips forward to cover it. Shizune was frantically trying to undo it, but the dealer was almost gleefully pointing out that she wasn't the player even as he added a card to each of Tsunade's hands.

"And what about the last time someone insulted his dream of becoming Hokage?"

Tsunade froze, her eyes growing distant as memories assaulted her. The dealer, seeing no reaction to his question, decided that meant she was staying on both of her hands, leaving her with nine and thirteen.

Sasuke snorted. "Tarred and feathered and strung up in the middle of the village." He'd actually thought that one was sort of amusing, even if he'd never admit it out loud. He'd also been impressed that Naruto had established a rock-solid alibis that placed him at the other side of the village when it happened. If he didn't know about his shadow clones he might have believed it himself.

"And just what about those situations makes you think that Naruto has any grasp of an appropriate response or restraint?"

"What's the worst that could happen?" Sakura asked, then blinked when she found everyone, even the random civilians, staring at her in disbelief. "What?"

Kakashi nodded slowly. "Alright. Fair enough. If that's the case I'm sure you two will be more than happy to cover any debts he incurs or pay for any damage he causes.'

Sakura and Sasuke looked at each other for a moment before paling and vanishing. Kakashi nodded then followed them a moment later.

Tsunade chuckled to herself as she turned back to her game. It looked like Sakumo's brat had gotten stuck with a real troublemaker on his team. She blinked as she looked down at her cards, noting the two hands totaling nine and thirteen respectively and the massive pile of chips she was betting. The dealer had thirteen.

"What the..."

"Dealer hits," the dealer announced, sounding almost smug. Shizune whimpered as she waited for her teacher to lose basically all of their remaining money. She'd hoped to be able to stay in a hotel for at least _one _night; constantly roughing it was wearing on her.

Tsunade watched as the dealer flipped over a card, revealing a king.

"... dealer busts."

* * *

><p>"So all I have to do is get up to twenty-one points?"<p>

"That is one way to do it," Mari, the dealer, corrected. "To win, your cards just have to be worth more points than mine, but you can't go over twenty-one total."

"Alright. And the cards with faces are all worth ten?"

"Right," Mari said, smiling at the boy. She could see why Saeko had sent him here. He obviously didn't have a clue what he was doing, but he was just so cute and earnest it didn't feel right taking advantage of him. Her table was normally reserved for people working with the Yakuza rather than just random gamblers, but she also had one of the lowest antes on the floor. People came to her table to relax and talk, not do serious gambling. Unless the kid went crazy he'd probably leave with most of his money still on him.

"Whose kid?" one of the other players asked his neighbor.

"Could be Matsumaru's, maybe. Hair's the right color."

"Nah, that smile's all Shunsui. He'll be a lady killer in a few years, just like his dad. Mark my words."

Mari smirked to herself. Apparently the others were assuming this Naruto was the child of one of their coworkers. Well, she wasn't about to disabuse them of the notion.

She dealt out the cards, smiling encouragingly when the kid got a ten and a nine to start with.

"Hmm... that's only nineteen. Can I get one more?"

The other people at the table chuckled at the question.

"Are you sure? Remember, you only have to get more than I do, and I only have nine right now. Nineteen is actually a very good number."

The kid's face scrunched up, emphasizing the whisker marks on his cheeks. "Yeah, but it's not twenty-one."

Mari sighed but nodded. This should be a good lesson for the kid.

"Alright, when you want another card you say 'Hit me'."

The kid shot her a grin and nodded. "Hit me!" he said firmly, causing the other people at the table to chuckle again.

Mari flipped over his card, already preparing to lecture him about the dangers of taking another card with a high total, when she saw what it was.

A two.

"Hey, twenty-one!" he said loudly, grinning.

She smiled at him and, after dealing out the rest of the cards, took another card of her own. A nine.

"Eighteen. Dealer stands." Her hands automatically started sorting out the chips, but her eyes were straying back to the second-to-last card she had dealt out: an ace.

Huh. If he had stayed he would have ended up losing. Then she shook her head. Nah, there were too many cards between then and now to say that for sure. Just a coincidence.

She dealt out another hand.

"Hey, what does the A mean?"

"Ah, that's an ace. It can be worth one point or eleven."

"Ah, so if I've got this face card with it, that means I've got twenty-one?"

Mari blinked, looking back at his cards again. He had the Ace of Spades and the Jack of Spades; a literal blackjack.

"That's right. In fact, because you got it with just two cards, you actually win twice as much as you would otherwise."

"Really? That's awesome!"

What followed was the most absurd sequence of events she had ever witnessed or heard about. The kid never lost. Not _once_. After the _third _blackjack she actually started watching to make sure he wasn't cheating... somehow. After the second time he stayed at a low number – "You deserve a chance to win too, nee-chan!" – only for her to end up busting, she noticed some of the hotel security wandering her way.

It had gotten bad enough that the other people at the table had stopped playing blackjack and instead were taking bets on whether the kid would win the next hand or not. Five minutes of that and no one bothered to bet against him, for any odds.

Eventually the manager himself came to her table and stood, watching silently. She was starting to get a little scared, actually. She knew she wasn't cheating, and she didn't see how the kid could possibly be cheating, but _something _was going on.

After the kid got two blackjacks in a row the manager stepped forward and clapped his hand on the kid's shoulder. Mari swallowed nervously, wondering what they were about to do to the poor kid.

"Uzumaki-sama?" the manager asked politely, smiling.

The kid looked up, curious. "Yeah?"

"I've been watching you play, and I've been thoroughly impressed. I was wondering if you would like to join us at my private table... we're always looking for players of your caliber."

The kid's face twisted for a moment as he thought about it, then he grinned. "Sure!" He turned back to her, looking apologetic. "Sorry, nee-chan, you're awesome and all, but this game is kinda boring. It's too easy... no offense."

"N-none taken," she stuttered, staring. She watched as the manager escorted the kid towards the back of the casino and through the doors that were kept locked and guarded at all times. She didn't relax fully until she realized that it had been _just _the manager escorting him, none of the guards. Then her eyes started gleaming.

"Hey," she said quickly, snagging one of the guards nearby. "Watch my table for a few, would you?" She flashed a smile and the guard shrugged and nodded.

She hurried off towards Saeko's post. She needed to have a word with her friend, and then they _both _had some bets to make.

* * *

><p>Tsunade was still staring at the giant pile of chips in front of her. Not only had she won, but she had nearly half again the money she had entered the casino with.<p>

"Tsunade-sama, perhaps we should cash out?" Shizune suggested tentatively.

Before she could formulate an answer for that ridiculous suggestion, one of the floor managers walked up to their table, smiling widely. "Tsunade-sama," he said quietly, "the manager has asked me to let you know that a private, high stakes game of poker is about to begin at his personal table. With your recent winnings you qualify for the buy-in. And, as always, all players are given complementary room and board for the rest of the week."

Tsunade licked her lips, feeling a grin stretching across her face. "I'm in."

Shizune sighed, consoling herself that, regardless of how much debt they racked up this time, they'd at least be sleeping on an actual bed tonight.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I have no idea where this came from. It started with Gai sending a team out to find Tsunade, and suddenly Naruto is getting recruited by the Yakuza to clean out their other clients, including Tsunade. It's not nearly as Gai-focused as the first chapter, but I couldn't come up with anything for Gai to personally do without taking care of Lee first. **

**At any rate, I'm finding it rather amusing to write, and it's a nice break from the rather more serious chapters in TEC and STC.  
><strong>


	19. TPOYCY, Ch 3: Ante Up

"Report!" Kakashi barked. He'd found the situation slightly amusing before - in between the shivers of fear caused by the thought of the amount of destruction Naruto could cause - but he wasn't laughing now. He had personally covered over half of the casino and had yet to see any sign of his student. Unless Sasuke and Sakura had found something, he'd have to acknowledge the possibility that the situation was a little more serious than one hyperactive genin wandering away.

"Nothing," Sasuke said succinctly, frowning.

"I didn't see him personally," Sakura began, drawing attention from the rest of her team, "but overheard a couple of people talking about a blond kid in orange clothing playing blackjack earlier. Apparently he was doing really well."

"How long ago?" Kakashi asked intently.

"Not long," Sakura said. "Maybe twenty minutes?"

Kakashi let out a sigh of relief. That ruled out the worst case scenarios. "Did you check the table where he was playing?"

"Yeah, but there was nobody there."

"Well, let's try it again. It at least gives us a place to start."

~ Scene Break ~

Naruto tipped back the ramen bowl and slurped down the last of the broth greedily. He drank for several seconds before finally lowering the bowl with a satisfied sigh and placing it on top of the stack next to him. He let out a contented sigh as he did so, causing the manager, Jinnosuke, to chuckle.

"I trust our chef prepared the meal to your satisfaction?"

Naruto nodded happily. "It was great! Almost as good as what I get at Ichiraku's!"

Jinnosuke frowned slightly. "And what is this... Ichiraku's?"

"You don't know Ichiraku's?" Naruto gasped, staring at the man in pity. "They make the best ramen in the entire world!"

"Who is the chef? Perhaps I have heard of him..."

"Chef? Nah, it's just Teuchi-jiji and Ayame-nee-chan."

"And where is Ichiraku's located?"

"Oh, it's three blocks down from the Academy on the right. Just look for the stand with the Ichiraku's banner, can't miss it. Hey, tell Teuchi-jiji that I sent you, he'll probably give you a discount!"

Jinnosuke's lips twitched slightly, but he remained focused. "And what city is this Academy located in?"

"Oh, it's in Konoha," Naruto said as he realized why the manager was asking. "Yeah, I guess you wouldn't know about that, living here. Still, you should try it if you ever get a chance!"

"I will be sure to," Jinnosuke said, smiling widely. "Do you desire anything else before we continue?"

"Nah, I'm good. That really hit the spot."

"Excellent. Now then, as I was saying earlier, the game you are going to be playing is called poker. Are you familiar with it?"

Naruto shook his head. "Never played it."

"Unlike blackjack, you will be playing against several people at the same time. There are also several rounds of betting rather than just the initial ante. And the biggest change is how you win..."

Naruto listened avidly, trying to soak up the information as quickly as he could. This already sounded like it would be _way _more interesting than blackjack. After giving him a basic overview of the game, the manager paused and leaned back. "There is one other concern before we can begin."

"Yeah?" Naruto asked, feeling slightly overwhelmed as he tried to remember all the different combinations.

"The game that is about to begin has a minimum 200,000 ryo buy-in."

Naruto's jaw dropped open. "People _have _that much money?"

Jinnosuke grinned. "Oh yes, that and much more. Still, while you have done remarkably well with your initial loan, a few thousand ryo is hardly sufficient to compete."

Naruto's face fell for a moment. "Aw man..."

"Which is why I am prepared to make a deal with you."

Naruto perked up again, listening eagerly.

"I am prepared to waive your current loan - meaning you keep the initial funds and everything you won - as well as covering your buy-in for tonight's game."

Naruto looked up at him, his eyes squinting. Jinnosuke noted the expression - which he interpreted as suspicious - and altered his proposal slightly to be more enticing.

"All I ask is that, in exchange, you return either half of your winnings or the buy-in, whichever is greater."

Naruto stared at him for several seconds, then his face broke out into a grin. "Man, you guys are _awesome!_"

~ Scene Break ~

Tsunade walked into the room confidently, a sneer fixed on her face as she glared at the room in contempt. There were six places total around a semi-circular table, one set into the table slightly while the other five spread out around it. She licked her lips in anticipation; five players meant the total pot would be a full million ryo.

She waited until her escort had placed her chips on the table before snatching the metal tray they had used and casually crumpling it into a ball and tossing it over her shoulder. The other people in the room watched as the tray bounced along the plush carpet with a series of dull thuds before it finally came to a stop in the far corner of the room.

Tsunade took note of their reactions as she attempted to intimidate her competition early - most of the various casinos forbid the use of ninja techniques that could impact the game, even generic ones like killing intent, but they couldn't stop her from reminding people that she could shatter their bodies with a flick of her finger. If they were afraid of her, they would be less likely to call her bluffs and more likely to fold against her.

For a group of civilians, they were surprisingly calm following her little display. The three players already in the room were also a surprisingly varied group.

One had dark black hair pulled back in a long ponytail, the length serving to accentuate his feminine features. Despite that, however, he was clearly male, from the faint hint of stubble along his cheeks and chin to the lean, muscled body hidden under a black, tailored button-up shirt with the sleeves rolled up. After a moment, she decided that he had to be a ninja; his physique and the faint traces of well-healed wounds along his forearms helped, but it was the unnatural stillness of how he sat that decided her. His light brown eyes settled on her form for a moment, traced over her body without pausing to admire it as so many others did, then moved on in a clear dismissal. Definitely a ninja, and she found herself getting a little pissed off at being ignored like that.

The second was dressed in a tailored suit, the cut showing off his thickly muscled upper body. His skin was deeply tanned, his arms were littered with scars, and he had an easy grin on his scarred face as he chatted amiably with the remaining player. His clothing spoke of wealth and his body spoke of physical exertion and battle, and she could make out the edges of the tattoos that so many yakuza picked up over time.

The woman he was talking to had dark, flowing hair that fell to her waist and pale, delicate skin. She was wearing an elaborate kimono that could probably cover the buy-in for the game by itself. She was responding to something the other man had said, one hand covering her mouth as she let out a delicate, tinkling laugh, but Tsunade noted that her eyes were cold as they examined her. A faint smirk appeared on the woman's face as their eyes met, then she turned her attention back to her companion fully.

Tsunade settled into her seat near the middle of the team, her eyes continuing to scan the other players for any information that might help her in the game.

"So getting four twos is better than three aces and two kings? That doesn't make any sense at all, Jin-oji-san!"

All the conversations stopped as attention focused on the doorway. The manager of the casino and one of the major players in the local yakuza entered the room, leading a young boy dressed in an orange jacket and pants with a black shirt into the room. The kid was also wearing a Konoha headband on his forehead, the metal scratched and dented but gleaming with a well-polished shine.

"Nonetheless, Naruto-san, that is the way the game is played."

The kid pouted as Jinnosuke walked over to the table towards his normal seat... and motioned for the kid to sit in it.

"Oi, oi, Jinno, what's this? Why've you gotta kid in your seat?" the scarred man asked.

"I've gotta keep my boss hat on tonight, Junpei-san," the manager replied, his words lacking the smooth formality he usually spoke with and shifting into the guttural slang used among the yakuza. "I'm lettin' the kid play as a favor."

The man stared at Jinnosuke for a moment, then leaned back and nodded, apparently satisfied with the explanation.

The other players seemed to accept the explanation as well, but Tsunade wasn't about to let it go at that. "Hey, kid."

Naruto looked up, curious. "Yeah? Whatcha want, nee-chan?"

"I don't want to hear any crap about returning to Konoha, you got it?"

The kid just looked confused. "What are you talkin' about, lady?"

She eyed him for a moment, then shook her head, realizing that even if he waspart of Kakashi's team, he didn't seem to recognize her as the target of his mission.

"Forget it."

Jinnosuke looked around the room, then spoke. "As all of our players are in attendance, we can begin. As I'm sure you are aware, we are playing a variant known as Stone Hold'em (1). Buy-in is 200,000 ryo, and all of you have already exchanged your funds for chips. Rebuys are allowed for a 10,000 ryo fee each time. Kimiko will be your dealer for the evening," here a woman in her mid-twenties dressed in a sleeveless and backless shirt and a short skirt stepped forward, smiling, "and several servers will be available throughout the evening should you require any refreshments. Breaks will occur after every hour of play or when a player is knocked out of the game."

~ Scene Break ~

"Can I help you?" Mari asked warily, subtly signaling the guards to keep an eye on the three who had intercepted her as she was walking along the floor.

The tall, white-haired one who was covered nearly head-to-toe stepped forward slightly. "Yes. I understand that you were the dealer for a blond-haired kid about this tall, wearing a Konoha headband?"

She relaxed, noting that all three of them also had headbands with the same symbol displayed somewhere. This must be the team he was talking about. "You must Kakashi, Sakura, and Sasuke then."

The leader nodded, somehow conveying that he was smiling despite the mask that covered his mouth. "Yes. If you could just direct me to my wayward genin, we can collect him and continue on our way."

"I'm afraid I can't do that," she answered. Then swallowed nervously as Kakashi's stance subtly altered. He suddenly seemed to be standing a lot closer, looming over her as all of his attention focused on her.

"And why is that?" he asked, and there was a definite edge to his voice.

"Be-because he was invited to the manager's private game. I don't have access to that area," she explained quickly. The tension vanished as if it was never there, leaving her blinking.

"... he was what?" Kakashi asked blankly.

~ Scene Break ~

Naruto glared at the cards in his hand, then looked at the three cards laid out in the middle of the table. He could get a pair of eights, but that was all.

He could definitely say that this game was a lot harder than blackjack had been. Every time he thought he had a good hand the other players wound up folding, and most of the time he had nothing and wound up folding himself. Still, he wasn't the worst off. The blonde lady had already lost half of her chips when she bet big and the other lady managed to beat her hand, and the scarred dude was doing almost as bad. The other lady in the really fancy kimono was doing the best; she had nearly doubled her stack of coins, and the really quiet guy was up as well.

"Call," he said, pushing forward ten thousand ryo to match the bets already made.

The dealer set the top card aside - she kept doing that for some reason - and placed another card on the board. Everyone kept calling it "the turn," though he didn't know why. The next card was "the river," which made even less sense.

He grinned to himself when another eight was revealed. That meant he had three of 'em, which was _way _better than two!

The scarred guy pushed the last of his chips forward, saying, "All in."

The blonde lady and the rich lady folded at that point, leaving just him and the quiet guy.

"Call," Naruto said firmly, grinning at the fact that he had managed to get used to the slang used in the game so quickly. The quiet guy folded and sat back.

The dealer discarded another card and placed the last one on the table, revealing a queen like the one he had in his hand. Naruto frowned; he'd been hoping for another eight.

"Naruto-sama wins with a full house over Junpei-sama's three of a kind," Kimiko announced, smiling as she pushed the pot in his direction. "Junpei-sama has been knocked out. As the manager explained, you may rebuy for a 10,000 ryo fee if you desire. Currently, Amane-sama is in the lead with 375,400 ryo while Tsunade-sama is in last place with 71,600 ryo. Play will resume in twenty minutes."

The scarred guy was staring at Naruto angrily, but Naruto met his glare with one of his own. After a few seconds of that, the scarred guy suddenly stood from the table and stalked out of the room, ignoring the calls of the dealer. The other players left the table, the Tsunade lady – who was way too young to be the one they were looking for – moving to the bar while Amane wandered over to speak with the quiet guy, standing rather close and touching his arm.

Before he could go anywhere himself, he found the manager gently guiding him out of the room and down the hallway.

"Tell me, Naruto-san," he said as they settled into a small meeting room. "How are you enjoying the game so far?"

"It's a lot harder than blackjack," Naruto said, "but it's way more fun too!"

"I am happy to hear that. Have you perhaps noticed any patterns among the players?"

Naruto titled his head to one side, squinting. "Whaddya mean?"

"Take Junpei-san, for example. He straightened his clothing every time he had a solid hand, and slicked his hair back every time he bluffed."

Naruto frowned, trying to remember that. He'd been a lot more focused on the dealer and anticipating the next card than examining what the other players were doing.

"Even yourself, I am sorry to say."

"Huh? What do you mean by that?"

"You are very open with your emotions, Naruto-san. When you are happy you act happy, and when you are sad you act sad. Surely you noticed that the other players folded whenever you got a good hand."

"Yeah, they did! That was really annoying!"

"They did so because they were observing you, and knew what kind of cards you had."

"Isn't that cheating?"

"Not at all, Naruto-san. In fact, many people would consider that the entire purpose of the game, with the cards being merely incidental." Seeing that his approach wasn't quite as effective as he hoped, he decided to try another. "You are a ninja, yes?"

"An awesome ninja!"

"I have no doubt that you are. I am not a ninja myself, but I have heard that a vital skill is the ability to conceal your emotions."

Naruto frowned again, pondering that. "Yeah..." he said slowly. "They did talk about that at the Academy."

Jinnosuke nodded. "If you were to do so, the other players would not be able to tell what sort of hand you had. I have heard of many different ways of doing this. Some people try to force their face into a single expression, which they maintain at all times. Others detach themselves, forcing themselves not to care about the results of any one hand. Still others try to act like other people, shifting back and forth to throw off anyone trying to read them."

"So... it's sorta like a prank, then."

The manager nodded slowly, wondering at the odd association but deciding to run with it. "You can't do anything to the other players directly, but other than that, I suppose it is. Anything to reduce the odds that they can read you."

Naruto started to grin. "I think I know just what to do."

Jinnosuke studied him for a moment, then nodded. "There is also the idea of bluffing..." he continued.

~ Scene Break ~

"Why don't we just tell them to give Naruto back?" Sakura whined.

"Maa, maa, think of this as a training exercise. Surely you don't think civilians will be able to catch you?"

Sasuke scoffed, though Sakura looked a little doubtful. "Well, no," she said, "but-"

"Great! I'll be observing your progress. I'll step in if you should get caught to keep things from getting out of hand, but that will also mean that you are due some remedial training when we return to Konoha."

Sakura grimaced while Sasuke just scoffed again. "Well then, get to it!"

His two genin disappeared into the crowd and he created a clone to follow them. It would be the first time they'd had to plan and execute an infiltration mission on their own, and they also had to do so without the benefit of Naruto's shadow clones. It would be interesting to see how they did. It was slightly risky given how touchy the yakuza could be about these things, but far, far safer than going up against enemy ninja.

With that taken care of, he began making his own way into the back rooms. He'd heard some very interesting rumors about who else was attending tonight's private game, and he was curious as to how this would play out.

~ Scene Break ~

Naruto paused outside the door, drawing in a deep breath as he settled into his role. He'd done this a few times before, but usually as a joke and never where he'd had to keep it going for more than a few minutes. With a nod to himself, he pushed open the door and slouched into the room, shoving his hands into his pockets. He made his way to the table, not bothering to acknowledge anyone else even as he took his seat. He dropped into the high-backed, well-cushioned chair then placed his elbows on the table and propped his chin on his thumbs, allowing his hands to cover his mouth.

"Hn."

~ End Chapter ~

(1) Texas Hold'em, just with a name based in the Naruto-verse


	20. One Shot: The Ties That Bind

~ The Ties That Bind ~

(AU)

Danzo ran his thumb idly over the top of his cane, following the worn path along the aged wood with slow, muted movements. It was a habit, a tell, one of the few he allowed himself to express. Those who did not know him would dismiss it as an idle gesture, while those who _did_... well, they knew it spoke of anger.

"Operation Reclamation has failed."

His voice came out in a smooth monotone, only slightly raspy with age. He watched his operative from the corner of his eye, his gaze centered on the cane and his own thumb as it moved in its slow, steady circle. For a long moment the room was silent except for the slight hiss of his skin across the wood.

"Yes, Danzo-sama," the operative answered, her head bowed and her hair serving as a curtain as it hid her face from view. She remained in a kneeling position with one fist pressed against the floor, silently awaiting his judgment.

He finally turned in his chair, the sound of the tip of the cane dragging along the stone floor filling the otherwise quiet office. He turned his gaze to the documents laid out in front of him, leaning his cane against the desk and reaching out to idly flip through the pages. He had no need to refresh his memory, of course, but it allowed time for his operative to sweat and for him to regain full control of his emotions.

"However... I have monitored the situation closely and studied your own reports extensively; this outcome, while far from ideal, was not entirely unexpected."

~ Scene Break ~

"I-is he allowed to receive visitors now?" Hinata Hyuuga asked shyly, her eyes downcast and her hands tightening around the small box they held.

"Of course, dear," the nurse replied, smiling kindly. "He is scheduled to be released later today, and he has already made his desire to leave abundantly clear." The last was said with a mixture of amusement and exasperation.

Hinata reflexively bowed. "I-I am s-sorry for any t-trouble he caused."

"Nonsense," the nurse said, waving away her apology. "He's far from the worst patient we've had, and it's good to see him so energetic after..." the nurse's voice darkened and she scowled, "after _that _mess." She shook herself and forced a smile onto her face. "I'm sure he'll be more than happy to receive a visit from his cute girlfriend," she added, winking.

Hinata flushed red as she let out a small squeak. "N-N-Naruto-kun i-isn't- w-we're not-"

"Well why not, girl?" the nurse admonished her. "If he hasn't got enough sense to ask you out, maybe we need to examine his head again!"

Hinata's blush deepened and she bowed again before hurrying away.

~ Scene Break ~

Danzo allowed his words to linger in the air for a moment before he resumed speaking.

"Operation Reclamation was always something of a risk, as you well know. The situation was incredibly volatile and uncertain. ROOT acted to stabilize it and extract the maximum possible benefit from it, but we could not afford to delude ourselves into thinking it was truly under control. Our options were heavily constrained and our efforts under intense scrutiny. As you have noted many, many times," he added, his dry voice somehow becoming even drier at those words, "there were too many elements attempting to manipulate the situation for their own benefit, many able to act openly where you could not. The unfortunate distribution of the genin teams in particular threatened the success of your mission, not to mention proving a major setback for Operation Sunburst as well. Despite all of these obstacles, the other members of Operation Reclamation have reported positive signs over the last year, many of which can be traced back to you... if one knew where to look.

"Which brings us to the events of the past few days."

His hand tightened on his cane as his gaze bored into the operative awaiting his judgment.

"Rarely have I seen an operation sour so quickly or so thoroughly. Any and all positive gains were wiped out before we knew what was happening, and then, before we even have the chance to recover from such a major setback... _this_. I am... displeased at this turn of events," he admitted, his thumb caressing the handle of his cane.

"Operation Reclamation has failed." He paused for a moment before adding, "Completely. As this was your primary mission, you yourself have failed. _Completely_." He stayed silent for nearly a minute, his gaze boring into the bowed head of his operative, before he finally asked, "Do you have anything to say?"

The operative spoke slowly, her voice strained. "No, Danzo-sama."

Danzo nodded absently. "Despite your abject failure in your primary mission, your efforts did manage to avert the worst case scenario. Konoha has captured several enemy ninja who are being questioned as we speak..."

~ Scene Break ~

Ibiki slowly unrolled the leather pouch along the table, enjoying the clink of metal against metal as the tools were revealed one by one. He kept one eye on his prisoner, watching for a reaction as he pulled each implement out in turn, pretending to study it with a careful eye before setting it out in clear view of his captive.

The door slammed open, bouncing off the wall with a sharp bang that managed to startle both of the occupants. Ibiki whirled, an item resembling a cross between a corkscrew and a pair of pliers in his hand and raised to attack.

Anko ignored him entirely as she slinked over to the table, her hands tucked in her pockets. Her frame trembled slightly as she walked and her eyes were wide as her breath came out in soft pants. It rapidly became obvious that her lack of breath was not due to exertion, however, as she reached out and pulled aside the collar of the prisoner's shirt, revealing a pitch black mark resembling three tomoe on their skin.

"_Ohh_," Anko breathed out as a shiver racked her form, "you and I are going to have _so much fun_ together."

Ibiki stifled his scowl as he dropped the tool onto the table with a little more force than was strictly necessary. He hated it when Anko upstaged him like that, but he couldn't argue with the results when he saw the raw terror in the prisoner's eyes.

~ Scene Break ~

".. and your quick and decisive response prevented the loss of a valuable asset to an enemy of the village and has provided an opportunity to... _contain_ the situation."

~ Scene Break ~

Sasuke glared at his captor through the bars of his cell. "I've done nothing wrong. You can't hold me like this!"

A dry laugh met his declaration. "You will find, Sasuke Uchiha, that there is very little I can't do. As for 'nothing wrong,' well... we have you for theft of village secrets-"

"Theft?" Sasuke interrupted indignantly. "I stole nothing!"

"Were you not carrying three storage scrolls on your person, containing no less than forty-seven technique scrolls, six record scrolls, and three scrolls marked as AA-rank secrets?"

His face darkened. "Those were my family's scrolls!" he snapped. "_My _scrolls!"

Tsunade just shook her head. "What _do _they teach in that Academy these days? All technique scrolls, regardless of their origin or rank, are restricted to the village proper without specific authorization from the Hokage or the Jounin Commander. _No exceptions_. You broke the law the moment you stepped through the gates with those in your possession.

"As if that weren't bad enough, clan record scrolls may not be removed from the family compound without permission from the Clan Head, which you are not until your fifteenth birthday."

"I'm the only one left!" Sasuke snarled, his eyes bulging.

"Amazingly enough," Tsunade said, her voice cold, "your status as an orphan does not make you exempt from the law. And last but not least we have the scrolls marked as AA-rank secrets... do I even need to explain that one?"

Sasuke growled but said nothing.

"So, as I was saying, theft of village secrets, assault on a fellow ninja - Sakura Haruno, your own _teammate-_"

Sasuke scoffed. "You must be _really_ stretching if you see that as assault. I've done worse than that in spars. Hell, _she's _done worse than that in spars; you should see what she does to Naruto," he added, smirking.

Tsunade's jaw tightened. "Do you deny that you attacked Sakura Haruno?"

Sasuke's eyes flickered for a moment. "Yes, I do. Unless Sakura herself is accusing me of something, I don't see why we're even talking about this."

Tsunade's face darkened as he spoke, and her hands were trembling slightly by the time he finished. She flung the scroll in her hand at Sasuke and waited as he picked it up and read through it.

"Dislocated shoulder, multiple fractures in right arm and hand, multiple lacerations, torn ligaments, internal bleeding... what is this?" he asked, looking up at her in confusion.

"Sakura's injuries from your _spar_," Tsunade growled.

Sasuke's jaw dropped open. "Bu- _what_? I just knocked her out! I didn't do any of-"

"Save it, Uchiha!" Tsunade cut him off, her eyes flashing. "I treated that girl myself."

"I didn't do this!" he protested, waving the scroll through the air. "I touched her once, a quick chop to the back of the neck!"

"Oh, and I suppose she just _magically_ acquired those injuries before the person who found her brought her to the hospital? She could have _died _if someone hadn't found her in time."

_"I didn't do this!_" Sasuke shouted. "Who brought her in? It must have been them!"

Tsunade shook her head in disgust. "So you think Ino Yamanaka, by all accounts one of Sakura's closest friends, just decided to get in a few kicks while Sakura was down and _then _took her to the hospital? Is that your story now?"

Sasuke balked at that, looking uncertain before shaking his head and glaring at her. "It wasn't me!"

"Unbelievable," Tsunade muttered. "Moving on. There was one other thing..." She tapped her fingers against her cheek in mock thought. "Oh, yes, I remember now.

"_Treason_."

~ Scene Break ~

"Contingency plans are already in motion and cleanup operations will be ongoing for some time as we try to recover from this. In time, most of the assets assigned to Operation Reclamation will be shifted to Operation Sunburst, which remains ROOT's top priority. In light of your efforts, I have decided that you will be among them.

"As of this morning, Phase Two of Operation Sunburst has begun. Agent 308 will be taking the lead, and you will be her primary support. You are to do everything in your power to make sure she succeeds."

A tremor passed through his operative's form, and the sound of grinding leather filled the room as her gloved hands clenched tightly.

"I trust you have no complaints?"

"No, Danzo-sama," came the strained reply.

~ Scene Break ~

"I always _knew _something wasn't right about him, you know?" Ino proclaimed to the girls gathered around her. She was holding court among the other girls her age, all of them sharing the latest news, gossip and advice among kunoichi. There was only one topic of discussion on this day, however. "I mean, I've picked up a lot from my dad over the years, and there were so many signs. He was practically flaunting his intent the entire time!"

Some of the girls nodded in agreement, but others looked skeptical. "Yeah, right," one scoffed. "You spent all your time chasing after him. All you _knew _was that he was hot!"

Ino shook her head, a superior smirk on her face. "And what was the end result of my efforts, huh? I kept everyone else away from him and out of his sights. That gave me more time to figure out what was wrong, and none of you got hurt."

"And what about Sakura then, huh? Did you just not care ab-"

She cut off as Ino moved in front of her and grabbed her by her shirt, drawing her in close as a dark scowl twisted her features. "Don't you _dare _talk to me about Sakura," she growled, pushing out a bit of killing intent. "Do you have _any idea _how close she came to dying? How _easy _it would have been for him to finish the job rather than just leaving her unconscious? She tried to stop him, tried to talk him out of his plans, and look what she got for her efforts!"

Ino pulled herself back and released her hold on the other girl, visibly struggling to get herself under control as her eyes watered. "She's my best friend," she said through her tears, "and I failed her."

"No, you didn't," Sakura called out, her own voice thick. The group whipped around to see her standing in the doorway of the coffee shop, one arm in a sling and a livid bruise along the side of her face and neck. Her eyes were watering as well, and several tears slipped free as she stared intently at Ino. "I thought I could change him, but... I was too late."

The entire shop was silent as Ino shakily made her way over to Sakura. One hand reached out and gently traced the bruise along Sakura's face before she pulled it back.

"Hey, Forehead," Ino said, her voice wavering. "You look like shit."

Sakura hiccuped. "You too, Ino-pig."

Ino moved forward and gently wrapped Sakura in a hug as both of them started to sob.

~ Scene Break ~

Danzo nodded once, acknowledging the ninja's reply.

"Collect Agent 313 and report to Agent 308 within the hour. She is currently monitoring Jester and will be expecting your arrival."

"Yes, Danzo-sama."

"Operation Reclamation was an ambitious project, one that could have benefited this village greatly had it succeeded. Its failure, however, is not a major blow. Operation Sunburst, on the other hand, _must not fail_. Am I clear, Agent 314?"

"Yes, Danzo-sama."

~ Scene Break ~

Sakura reached over and awkwardly slid the door open, wincing as her shoulder and arm protested the movement.

"Sakura-chan!" Naruto called out, bouncing out of bed and rushing over. He hovered nearby, his hands raised as if to help her somehow but unable to find anything to actually help with.

"Oi, move it Forehead," Ino called out from the hallway. "This stuff is heavy."

"Quit whining, Ino-pig," Sakura shot back as she pushed Naruto further into the room with her good arm. Naruto decided that was his signal and proceeded to lead her over to the bed, smoothing out the wrinkled sheets and insisting she sit on it while he took one of the chairs. Ino placed several bags on the small table and then flopped into a chair with dramatic sigh.

Stifled giggles drew the attention of the room to Hinata, who was sitting next to the window and watching Naruto with a small blush on her face.

Sakura smiled at the girl before turning back to Naruto and rolling her eyes at his actions. "I've already been let out of the hospital, Naruto," she sighed in exasperation. "_You're _the one who's supposed to be resting."

Naruto waved off her words, shaking his head. "I feel fine," he insisted, "those nurses are just being mean and trying to drive me crazy keeping me cooped up in here. I was bored out of my mind until Hinata-chan showed up."

"Oh, Hinata-_chan _is it?" Ino asked suggestively, smirking at Naruto. "And when did this happen?"

He stared at her in confusion for a moment before a look of realization crossed his face and he blushed slightly. "Sorry, I didn't mean to-" he started, but Hinata interrupted him.

"I-It's fine, N-Naruto-kun. I'm h-happy for you to c-call me that."

He nodded slowly, looking a little confused and uncertain, causing Sakura to sigh in exasperation.

"Well, since you've decided that I get to sit on the bed, why don't you sit in one of the chairs?" she said, pointing to the last remaining seat next to Hinata.

Naruto nodded quickly and practically leapt into the chair. He spent several seconds squirming around before he finally settled down, his eyes wandering around the room as he studied each of the occupants in turn.

"So, uh," he started before trailing off uncertainly. Hinata shifted in her seat slightly, and opened her mouth to speak, but Sakura quickly cut her off.

"What is this I hear about you almost killing yourself while training?" Sakura asked, her eyes narrowed at Naruto.

Naruto laughed nervously as he rubbed the back of his head. "They're just exaggerating," he tried to assure her. "It was just a little accident, and I'm already completely recovered. It's not a big deal at-"

"I saw the training ground, Naruto," Sakura said quietly, her head lowered so that her hair partially covered her face.

"So did I!" Ino chimed in, almost bouncing in her seat. "What the hell did you do that wrecked the place that bad? I don't think there was a single tree left standing!"

A dark scowl crossed Naruto's face, the uncharacteristic expression setting all three girls on edge. "I just got really... _mad_," he muttered as his hands tightened into fists. "I didn't want to believe that- that he would-" Naruto shook his head, "but then I saw you in the hospital and- I just needed to-"

Hinata reached out and laid one hand on Naruto's shoulder, rubbing gently. "It's ok, Naruto-kun," she said quietly as her face slowly turned red. "Sakura-san is fine now, and he'll never be able to hurt anyone again."

Naruto let out a slow breath and then turned to give Hinata a brilliant smile. "Thanks, Hinata-chan! And you're right, that bastard is going to get what's coming to him."

Hinata squeaked and flushed a bright red, pulling her hand back to press the tips of her fingers together bashfully.

Ino jumped to her feet, opening one of the bags she had brought with her. "Hey!" she said cheerfully. "Since you're stuck here anyway and Sakura can't do a whole lot while she's recovering, we thought we'd bring some games to play to pass the time. With Hinata here as a fourth player, it all works out perfectly!"

~ Scene Break ~

"Dismissed," Danzo said.

The operative stood, her pink hair moving away from her face to reveal her bruised skin. Her sea-green eyes were sharp and glinted with determination and suppressed anger. She bowed stiffly, still favoring her injured arm and shoulder.

"Yes, Danzo-sama," she ground out, then turned on her heel and stalked out of the office. The door closed behind with a force that pushed the bounds of propriety, but he let it pass.

Danzo leaned back in his chair, allowing the faintest of smiles to cross his face. Despite his words, he couldn't have been more pleased with the way events had played out. The achievement of Operation Reclamation's ultimate goal, the restoration of the Sharingan within Konoha _without _the influence of the Uchiha Clan, would actually be acceleratedby this turn of events. The moment the boy had set foot outside of Konoha, he had forfeited any chance of restoring his clan. It would be child's play to subtly plant the seeds in Tsunade's mind to begin a volunteer-based artificial insemination program, and that was assuming she wasn't considering it already. Even better, the entire sequence of events had happened without any direct intervention from Danzo himself; a valuable fact given the new Hokage's distrust of him.

Agent 314 didn't know of the real goal of Operation Reclamation, of course, but then Agent 314 was never meant to. For her to properly play her role within Operation Sunburst, she needed to focus her attention on the Uchiha. He had, in fact, ordered her to not interfere with Operation Sunburst at all.

He was well aware that she wouldn't admit to herself just why that pissed her off so much.

~ Scene Break ~

"Yes! Seven!" Naruto cheered as he viewed the result of his die roll. He moved his piece around the board and then drew the card indicated. "Fire technique: use this card to remove one obstacle from your path or to defeat an opponent entering your square. Counters wind, countered by water."

"Alright then, my turn!" Ino said, picking up the dice.

Hinata watched the game as she waited for her turn, her fingers poking together.

_313, suggest a joint dinner when Jester is finally released._

Sakura smiled as she sat back in her chair, idly fidgeting with the sling that kept her right arm immobilized.

_He'll want ramen._

Ino smirked as she used one of her cards to dislodge Sakura's token, then sat back and played with the end of her ponytail that was draped over her shoulder and across her chest.

_Acknowledged. Though... doesn't he always?_

"Hey," Ino said, her eyes lighting up as if an idea had just occurred to her. "Why don't we all go get something to eat once you're released, Naruto? I bet they don't let you eat ramen here, do they?"

~ Scene Break ~

Danzo glanced down at the papers spread out on his desk, his eyes lingering on the photograph of Naruto Uzumaki.

Konoha could ill afford to lose their jinchuuriki at this juncture, especially as the boy was already showing signs of the power he would wield in the future; his rampage following 314's hospitalization had been most effective in that regard, another unexpected benefit. Many ninja had noticed both how deeply he was affected by the situation with his teammates and the self-control he displayed in retiring to an isolated area before venting his frustrations.

Sarutobi's work in conditioning the boy had been highly effective in most regards, but still ultimately short-sighted. The Third Hokage had done well in securing the jinchuuriki's loyalty in himself, but not nearly so well in securing his loyalty to the village as a whole. The boy firmly believed in the Will of Fire, but had also shown a _dangerous _level of sympathy with his opponents, something that could all too easily be turned against the village by a skilled opponent. Twice now the boy had bonded with enemies of the village; the first had the courtesy to get himself killed, but the second was not only a foreign ninja, but the child of a Kage and a fellow jinchuuriki on top of that. The commonalities between the two ran deeper than they realized, and could easily result in a close bond that could sway Jester's loyalty away from Konoha.

No, Danzo knew that it was time to take an active role in the situation. After all, the roots of the tree may allow it to grow tall and strong, but they also made sure the tree did not stray from its place.

If the boy lacked sufficient ties to the village, then Danzo would simply have to create more.

~ End Chapter ~


	21. TPOYCY, Ch 4 - Luck of the Draw

"Hn."

Every eye in the room turned to him, reactions varying from confusion to amusement. The dealer, Kimiko, looked concerned.

"Are you alright, Naruto-sama?" she asked, leaning towards him.

Naruto grinned at her, waving cheerfully. "I'm doing fine, Nee-chan!" he told her. "This is all part of my-" he paused, then shook himself and settled back into his previous pose.

"Hn," he grunted, sending a small glare towards her.

Kimiko giggled softly, one hand coming up to cover her mouth while her shoulders shook. "Understood, Naruto-sama," she said between her laughter.

He maintained his pose as the other players slowly returned to their seats, the pony tail guy making a big show of pulling out kimono lady's seat for her while pointedly not doing the same for the blonde lady. Once everyone was in place, Kimiko shuffled a deck of cards with a loud snap, drawing everyone's attention.

"Shuhei-sama has declined to rebuy, so the play stands thus: Amane-sama is in the lead with 375,400 ryo; Naruto-sama is in second place with 309,500 ryo; Sanosuke-sama is in third with 243,500 ryo; and finally Tsunade-sama with 71,600 ryo. Play will begin with Amane-sama."

Naruto tried to keep the manager's advice in mind as Kimiko dealt out the cards, but it was really hard trying to watch everybody's faces all at once. Amane, the kimono lady, had the same smile on her face all the time, and it didn't waver at all as she looked at her cards. Tsunade was just the opposite, scowling at him, at the dealer, at the cards, and especially at Amane. Sanosuke was just kinda... blank, like he was bored out of his mind. He kept looking over at Amane, though, and Amane's smile would change a little whenever she caught him looking.

He decided he'd be better off just making sure he kept up his act, at least for now. He fixed Sasuke's "pissed he missed a single question on the test" glare on his face as he looked at his cards - a four and a six.

"Hn," he muttered.

It was actually really hard to keep up the act for so long, and he ended up cycling through his stock of Sasuke glares several times as play continued. It didn't take long before he noticed that he actually won several good hands _without _people folding right away, though, and he knew that Jinnosuke-jii-san had to be on to something with this whole deception thing. Man, why couldn't Iruka-sensei have done this in the Academy? This would have been _way _more interesting than another droning lecture.

It was also odd to watch Amane's stack of chips gradually dwindle over the course of the game. He'd thought she would be the hardest one to beat, but whatever she'd been doing right in the first round wasn't working now. Her smile grew a little more strained with every hand she lost, and eventually she wound up with a smaller stack than even Tsunade's.

"I raise... 103,800," Tsunade announced after Kimiko laid down the fourth card on the table. She sent a wide, smug grin towards Amane as she did so, and he would have sworn Amane almost snarled at her in return.

"Fold," Naruto grunted, pushing his cards forward with a sneer. He had a pair of tens, one in his hand and one on the board, but the other seven in his hand wasn't doing anything for him.

"Fold," Sanosuke said, leaning back in his chair with his gaze once more fixed on Amane.

Amane looked at her cards for a moment, glanced at the ones laid out on the table, then spat, "All in," with a fierce glare towards Tsunade.

Kimiko turned over the last card, a jack. Amane's smile turned vicious as she flipped over her cards, revealing a king and an ace. "Straight," she gloated, "ten to ace."

Tsunade laughed lowly in her throat as she slowly and deliberately turned over the cards in her hand, first revealing a two, and then a nine. Of hearts.

"Flush," she said, her voice dripping with satisfaction.

Amane's smile froze as she stared at the cards, then at the board. Her hands clenched for a moment, then she slowly let out a breath and relaxed. "It seems I'm out," she said, her smile less strained than before.

"Tsunade-sama wins with a flush over Amane-sama's straight," Kimiko announced, smiling as she pushed the pot in her direction. "Amane-sama has been knocked out. As the manager explained, you may rebuy for a 10,000 ryo fee if you desire. Currently, Sanosuke-sama is in the lead with 374,000 ryo, Naruto-sama is in second with 342,000 ryo, and Tsunade-sama is in last place with 284,000 ryo. This will be a longer break, so feel free to refresh yourselves as you wish. Play will resume in one hour."

"Sanosuke-kun," Amane said as she rose gracefully from her seat. "Would you care to join me? I find I am most distraught at my loss, and your presence would be a great... _consolation_ to me."

Sanosuke didn't say anything, but rose from his seat and moved to Amane's side before offering his arm. Amane smiled widely at him, wrapping both of her arms around his and clutching it tightly as they left the room together.

"You're still in," the young, black-haired lady who'd been holding the pig and watching from the back of the room said in disbelief as she approached Tsunade.

"And why _wouldn't _I be?" Tsunade growled. The other lady just sent her a look, and Tsunade scoffed but turned away.

She stood and began to move towards the bar, but then paused as she saw Naruto. "Don't get too cocky, brat," she told him. "You're going down next."

"Hn," he responded, shoving his hands into his pockets and slouching out of the room. He let out an explosive breath once he made it out into the hallway and rubbed his face. "Man that's hard to keep up," he complained aloud.

"Most impressive, Naruto-san," the manager said from behind him, clapping a hand on his shoulder. "Your strategy seems to be paying off very well indeed. I look forward to your continued success."

"Thanks!" Naruto replied, grinning widely. "This is actually a lot of fun!"

"Glad to hear it." The manager glanced down the hall and nodded, making a sharp beckoning motion. "I have other business to attend to, but I want to make sure that you are well taken care of. Natsumi here will keep you company until the game resumes."

Naruto looked over to see a woman wearing a colorful, elaborate kimono that stopped at her knees and looked about two sizes too small glide up to him and weave her arm around his.

~ Scene Break ~

Sakura had managed to replace one of the guards easily enough - they were all being very serious and quiet at the moment, which meant she didn't have to carry a conversation or respond with much more than a grunt and a nod as she walked through the maze of hallways with a purposeful stride. Her _henge _would not have held up long against ninja, but against civilians it was more than enough.

She caught a glimpse of yellow hair vanishing around the corner ahead and barely managed not to shout. Instead she kept her quick but calm pace and turned down the hallway to follow, only to see Naruto and some lady entering one of the rooms and closing the door behind them. Two guards stood at the doorway, chatting quietly.

She rapidly came up with a plan in the time it took her to walk down to the door. All she needed to do was get inside the room and take care of the lady accompanying him, then she could make contact with the "target" for this stupid little mission and be done with this. Only _Naruto_ would manage to make finding a single person this complicated.

"Got a message from the boss for the kid," she said, imitating the voice of the guard she had replaced.

One of the guards shrugged and knocked on the door. It opened a few seconds later, revealing the woman who had been accompanying Naruto. She had deep black hair that curled around her face and spilled down her back, and a tight dress that left an ample amount of cleavage exposed. Her face was covered with just the right amount of makeup, her red-painted lips lush and full and her eyes vivid against her porcelain skin.

Sakura hated her on sight.

"What is it?" the woman asked, just a hint of impatience in her voice.

"That is so _cool_," Naruto's voice floated from inside the room before he let out a quick laugh.

"Message from the boss," Sakura repeated. "For the kid."

Naruto popped up from behind the woman, holding a box of some kind. "Hey, hey, Natsumi-nee-chan!" he said. "Have you seen this thing? It's _awesome_! It takes all the cards and..." he trailed off as he looked at the third man standing outside the door, a frown crossing his face. "Hey...," he said, his face scrunching up and his eyes squinting. "There's something not right about you."

Sakura had a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. Surely there was no way _Naruto _of all people could-

"Why are you in a _henge_, huh?" he muttered, his frown deepening. "I didn't know normal people could use _henge_..." His face lit up, and his hand shot out to point directly at her. "You're a ninja! You must have been hired to take me out before I could win!"

Her jaw sagged open. She was surprised he'd managed to see through her _henge_, true, but more than that was the absolutely overjoyed expression on his face that accompanied his accusation.

He stepped in front of the woman even as the two guards whipped around to stare at her.

"Just one ninja? Ha! Don't you know who you're messing with? I'm- Hey! Get back here!"

His voice faded into the distance, blending with the shouts and warnings as Sakura bolted down the hallway towards the closest exit to the main floor. She'd have to lose her pursuers, ditch the _henge_, and then come up with another plan. Hopefully Sasuke was having better luck.

One thing was for sure, though. When this was all over, she was going to _kill _that idiot.

~ Scene Break ~

"I'm here to replace you," Sasuke said, tapping the bartender on the shoulder. He had decided to infiltrate the game as the bartender, counting on the anonymity of the role and the clear view he would have of the room to help him gather additional information.

For some reason the young man was lingering outside the doors to the room where the game was being held, but that just made finding and replacing him that much easier.

"_Thank you_," the man whimpered, practically running past him and down the hallway.

Sasuke watched him go, his brow furrowing slightly before he dismissed the matter from his mind and entered the room.

He made it about two steps before he felt like turning around and leaving himself. He felt a small surge of pride as he mastered the momentary panic that flooded his system and continued on his way, only the smallest hesitation in his step as he crossed the room and stepped behind the bar. There were only two people sitting there currently, but...

Tsunade tilted her head back and drained the last of the sake out of the small saucer. "Another," she said, placing the saucer on the counter with a sharp click.

"Of course, madam," Sasuke said smoothly, the actions and reflexes his Sharingan had acquired for him a few minutes ago kicking in. He refilled her sake saucer, his movements crisp and sure, and finished with a small bow as he returned the bottle to its place behind the counter.

Tsunade eyed him for a long moment, her lips twitching as she fought a smile, before she said, "Actually, I think I'd like an Oyaji instead."

"Of course," Sasuke repeated. He bowed to cover his hesitation, his eyes rapidly scanning the array of bottles and containers while he wracked his brain attempting to figure out what that was.

"If that's giving you trouble, I'll settle for a Yuzu," came Tsunade's amused voice.

Sasuke sighed, straightening and turning back to face her. Tsunade was grinning widely while her companion looked on, a look of confusion tinged with pity on her face.

"No?" Tsunade said, just shy of laughing in his face. "The _henge's _not half-bad, Uchiha, but you've got a long way to go before you can fool me." Her expression grew more serious as she leveled a small glare at him. "Now why the hell are you here, anyway?"

"Looking for my idiot teammate, Naruto," he informed her, crossing his arms with a small scowl. "He's supposed to be playing a poker game in the back rooms, and this is the one everyone was talking about."

"So the brat _is _one of you. Thought so," she said, nodding to herself. "Sorry, Uchiha, but he's not going anywhere until I've relieved him of his money," she continued with a smirk.

"This is the right room, then."

"Yep. How the hell did he end up playing with the Yakuza anyway?" Tsunade asked curiously. "And where'd he get the buy-in?"

Sasuke stared at her for a long moment. "How much is the buy-in, exactly?"

"200,000 ryo," Tsunade answered offhandedly. "Why?"

His eyes fluttered closed for a moment before he pulled out another saucer, splashed some _sake _into it, and then downed it in one go.

"Gonna kill him," Sasuke muttered as he slapped the saucer on the counter and refilled it.

Tsunade let out a chuckle as she drained her own _sake_. "Kakashi's got some interesting brats," she commented to Shizune as Sasuke reflexively refilled her saucer, still muttering to himself.

~ End Chapter ~


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